How to get interested in life again?

[Damaged]

Hi all. I have been suffering anxiety and depression for a really long time. I am really trying to beat it though I always seem to find myself repeating the same patterns because anything outside of my standard routine is too hard to deal with. My life at the moment life consists of a 58 hour work week which doesn’t leave much time for anything through the week. On the weekends I catch up on house work, sleep and maybe see a movie and that’s about it.    

I have recently started going to therapy again and she told me I should find a hobby and find groups of people to meet up with,though meeting in any kind of group is kind of like hell for me. On top of that I really don’t have anything that I am interested in at the moment. Most of the time I just feel pretty empty inside. I guess I have lost interest in most things over the years.

I Know I need to socialize more if I want to improve, and there has to be more to life than work and bills though I am not sure where to start?

Maybe I am

past the point of no return?    

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[Scott_Depression]

Hi D

Mondayitus - know the feeling!  ha ha

Sounds like a move workwise might be good for you, but don't rush it.  Keep in mind when you're in a vulnerable state of mind, you my not make the best decisions.  Good idea to try and get the meds sorted, then step back and consider pro's and con's of moving on.  Don't stress about the notice period - most places that hire you would expect to wait a month or so before you come on board.

From memory I think you mentioned you were working upwards of 60 hours per week.  This does seem like an OHS (Occupational Health & Safety) issue to me, though I'm not an expert.

I think your homework for this week should be:

1. Ring someone from family & invite them for lunch / dinner
2. Ring Doctors to get medication assessed (are you comfortable your doctor knows a fair bit about depression? Could always look up someone on Beyond Blue)

Put the feet up & chill out tonight - today will be great!

Kind regards

Scott

PS Thanks Mares & Geoff for posting too - D's a great guy with a lot on his plate!

[Mares73]

Hey D I really feel for you about the work situation but as it's affecting your health I would start applying for a new job. Scott Scott might know but I didn't think it was legal to make you give one months notice? But Do whenever I've applied for a job & have said several times to a new employer I can't start for at least 4 weeks because I haven't had a break in years or I'm required to give 4 was notice-the employer has always been fine with that-if you get a new job it means they want you & will In my experience wait as they understand your obligations and respect them in regard to your current employer. When you wrote "I just want to be happy" it hit me big time as in essence that's all I want-to know how it feels to experience living rather than simply existing. I would be satisfied with life no matter what else my life was like if I could just feel happiness again & not the anxiety & struggle that depression creates. I never thought I'd have depression, I was always the social central figure, always taking care of those who needed a boost. But to experience it myself-its taken some ugh of my life & I long for the person I used to be. Yet Noone would know how seriously I'm affected as I'm always the first to help others and I'm a very "soft hearted" person I guess. there is heaps to do but you need to get out & do it-thats where I struggle & I'm now isolated & lonely-a long way from the person I was. You say you don't know what you want- neither do I. I think we basically just want to feel better at this stage, feel hope that we will feel happiness again. You are coping incredibly. And I know soummust be exhausted. Is there any particular music you like? I will keep you in my thoughts and really hope today's a better day. Talk soon, Love Mares

Ps Scott your a legend yourself & such a caring insightful person. I always learn something from your msgs & you have been such an awesome support to D-Your a BB star. I'm so grateful your a part of this group & BB as you have so much to offer. In sum thanks for being the great guy that you are. Love Mares x

[Damaged]

Hi all.I had a bit of a better day at work today, not fantastic but better. I think most of the people there knew it was a good idea to leave me alone today.lol

To Scott,

Thanks for the advice regarding the meds. It feels like they are helping to a degree, though I still get a bit down. Though when I think about the situation I am in maybe there is only so much a tablet can do? I will go to the doctor on the weekend though.I haven't looked at the doctors on here though I will look into it. It is so hard to find a decent GP in Sydney.

As for my family I will make a call on the weekend but that will be about all I can promise. I don't think we are at a point at the moment where I could invite them to dinner. Though I will see how the call goes. I'm still not sure if they even wan't to hear from me.

Though as always thanks for your support mate.Hope your doing well.

To Mares

Hey hows it going?Thanks for your support it has really helped.It really seems that we are pretty much in the same place at the moment. And I know how much it sucks.I wish I could offer some advice though I still can't work my own way out.

I worry that maybe Iv'e been stuck in my rut so long that I don't have any shot of becoming normal again. Though then again in this world how do you define normal?LOL.

As far as music goes I like rock bands like the Foo Fighters, Pennywise and Metallica.

Though I listen to anything really.

I guess I have kind of babbled on tonight.

You take care dear. I will talk to you soon

D;)

[Mares73]

Hey D I just wrote you a long ms & then the screen freeze up & I lost it-not happy! I'll try my best to remember what I wrote. Firstly congratulations on getting through another day at work. You might feel it but I can sense your strength and courageous. Do you live with your daughter just the 2 of you? Must be tough but yet again you pull through when you need to. Re music I like the mellow stuff from Eminem ie "8 mile road", "Sing for the people" & I'm also a big Us fan from growing up in a irish family. You'll probably cringe lol! It's great people have been coming to your page & offering support etc. I'll always be around so if you ever need to talk just put up a msg under heading Further topics to discuss with mares or if you'd prefer Scott you c old do same for him. Well its getting late and I'm fading. Hope your getting your beauty sleep whilst I'm writing to you at 11  :15 pm! Thinking of you, take care & talk tomorrow. Love Mares xxx

[Damaged]

Hey Mares. How is it going? Hope you're doing well. I had a pretty good day at work today. It doesn't happen that often so I  made sure to enjoy it. I still have all the same issues of course, but I am I trying to put them out of my mind for now. I know they will surface sooner or later, though not today:)

I don't have a daughter I think you must have been thinking of someone else. I live alone. How about you do you have kids?

On the topic of music I have a few Eminem Cds which I listen to from time to time (now there is a guy with some issues) 🙂

I agree with you about the support It has been really great from everyone. At the moment this forum is really the only support I have. So it means a lot to me just to have someone listen.

Thanks so much. Take care talk to you soon.

Cheers D

[Scott_Depression]

Hi D & Mares

Thanks to both of you for your kind words!   Very much appreciated & gives me a big smile on the dial!

Understand what you're saying re doctors - can be tough to find a good one.  A resource on this site that would be good for you to look into is the Menu Items above - GET SUPPORT tab, then FIND A PROFESSIONAL.  You can punch your postcode into here and find out which doctors in your area have experience with depression.  Heard good things about it.  All I can say is well done mate - you're doing well.  You've shown real commitment to considering anything & everything raised by people on this site - a great sign.

Might have to disagree re statement that a pill can only do so much.  At the end of the day, I'm ABSOLUTELY convinced that this is a physical illness.  While it is true that learning to try and see the positive in things can assist, this illness is unique in one respect.  Imagine someone fighting cancer - if you treat the symptoms with meds and the person feels better, that's great but the person is still sick - still has cancer.  Now if you give meds to help someone with depression and symptoms go - they are essentially cured.  Heard this perspective on a TED talk recently by Andrew Solomon & thought it was good.

Re family, phone call is a great start.  I'm in no way defending their behavior but wonder if they just have no idea what to do, how to deal with the situation?

Music - GREAT topic!  It's AMAZING how certain songs can just affect your mood - love it.  I love Foo Fighters too - went to their concert about 1.5 years back & they did a 3 hour plus show.  One of the highlights was Dave Grohl got a little kid (probably about 4) up on stage, was down on his knees and sang Big Me, followed by Wheels acoustically - magic!  Great doco on Foo Fighters is called 'Back & Forth'.  Also love Green Day - one of my fave albums is American Idiot - brilliant lyrics.  Know what you mean re Eminem - definitely some issues there, but the little that I've heard of his music his lyrics can be pretty incredible - that song Stan he did with Dido gives me shivers every time!

Getting late so must be off

Mares - here's a silly qn for you - I pronounce your name "Mares" as in a few female horses - is that right, or is it more like "Mar-ez"?  Just something I've been wondering ! ha ha

Have a great day tomorrow!

Kind regards

Scott

[Mares73]

Hey D & Scott my names Mary somehow it just gets shortened-Neil affectionately calls me Maresy but feel free to call me Mary cause that's me & I'll know your writing to me more as a person. Scott I agree re meds-i always say to people suffering who are against taking them that they are for a medical condition just like diabetic so need their insulin & asthmatics need their puffers. We are the same-we have an illness that requires treatment. D-i know you fear you've been stuck in a rut so long you wonder if you'll ever feel normal-hey there is no "normal", the goal is to help you feel your living a decent life rather than merely existing on autopilot from day to day. And look at your strength-you are holding down a stressful job, sorted out your meds, come here & talk & manage a morgage & are willing to even contact your family. I see your strengths & your insight already-so imagine how great life could be if we can support you past this period of extreme stress & depression. You are still the person you've always been-theres just a dark shadow hiding that at the moment but I know your still the great person you are. Sorry about thinking you had a daughtet-ive thought about it & have no idea where that came from as I haven't talked to anyone your age so I must of been dreaming. I feel I'm getting to know you a lot better so swipe my thinking on that strange idea! Music really touches me-i often know songs from listening but don't know who they are by. Yes Eminem has issues alright but he can cut to the core with some of his "softer songs". For fighters & Green day are great. Lately when I'm down I listen to A dele or Ryan Adams or the Cure or Bruce Springsteen.  I also like The Fray, Pulp (have you heard of them-great English band but hasn't been a release for a while-worth checking out for sure), Coldplay & some of Ben Fords Five. Pretty much anything but I love songs with strong emotion & that's how I got to love Adele. Usually not into mainstream except for what I just rattled off. Do you like reading? I like crime fiction as it sucks me in & is a good distraction if you can concentrate. Well I gotta run this morning but I hope you & Scott have manageable days & I will be back to check in with you tonight. And D-its gradually going to get better I promise & like you-this site is my social life, therapy & contact with the world at the moment-and that's ok-great friendships can be formed & your never alone. Your in my thoughts, talk tonight, Love Mary x

[Damaged]

Hi Scott and Mary.Thanks for keeping in touch.

The long week end is nearly here.I was thinking about going to do a bush walk this weekend though I think the weather might stop me:(

 Thanks for the perspective RE meds. I know they are helping I think I was just having a off day. I like Green Day too. I really like the song Jesus of suburbia, that  is just epic.Hey Mary you like quite a wide range of music. If you like stuff that isn't  mainstream you should really check out Ani Defranco. She is amazing.I like reading crime fiction too though haven't picked up a book for a while.I really enjoyed the Millennium Trilogy.

Talk to you both soon. Have  great night.

D

[Mares73]

Dear D, I'm wondering how your coping this long weekend. Have you any plans or just resting at home? I know with this illness it batters our self esteem but I can sense your strength. You are managing to hold a high pressure job, you want to feel alive again & your doing all you can. Are you on mess properly now? They may take a few weeks but will be an integral part of you feeling better. It's very early Monday morning as I write this, very cold. Hope to chat later. Just wanted to say Good Morning & how are you today? Lve Mary (mares)

[Damaged]

HI Mary. I am struggling a little bit this weekend. Just trying to come up with solutions to my problems and not really getting anywhere. I called my family on Saturday and left a message though no one has bothered to call me back. So annoying I think I am just about done with them. Anyway apart from that I am not too bad. Just mainly relaxing and cooking this weekend. So cold today, I am about to go for a run to warm up a bit. 

Anyway good to hear from you. Hope you are doing well dear.

Cheers D