How on earth do you get over the past?

[nicko44]

I've made so many mistakes in my life. I feel so depressed about it. No matter what i'm doing i'm always thinking about it. I know there are so many people in worse positions than me but it doesn't make me feel better. I literally feel like killing myself all the time. I've gone to the GP and seen a psychologist, it helps but i can only see him every few weeks.

I'm 25. Wasted my education, been fired from jobs, i can't even get a proper job now. I didn't make any friends in the last 4 years. No one wants to talk to me or hang out with me. My hair has receded and i've gotten ugly. I met a girl online a year ago and went out with her for 7 months. It made me feel so good but now she has gone and she won't be coming back. I've gambled away all the money i've earned. I have about 500 in savings whilst my friends and people on instagram are buying houses. I spend my time and money going to brothels because i'm lonely. Hell, i've even made friends with some of the ladies and sometimes just go to talk to someone adn talk to a girl. I want to go back in time so bad. What the hell happened? Where did it go wrong? I want to end it so badly.I don't see it getting better too.

thanks for reading i guess .

[Sophie_M]

Hi nicko44, 

We're writing as we are concerned about you and want to let you know that our Support Service have sent you an email wanting to get in touch.

It's great that you have come to our safe and supportive community and we are so grateful that you have. The communtiy are here for you, please know that things can get better. 

We would strongly recommend giving our wonderful friends at Lifeline a call - 13 11 14, they can talk to you and help you through difficult moments. 

Keep reaching out to us and letting us know how you are when you feel up to it. 

[Doolhof]

Hi nicko44,

When life feels like it has spiralled, it can seem like it is difficult to change things around, it is possible and can take a lot of work.

There are people willing to help and listen. Please take note of the suggestions Sophie has made. The support staff at Life Line and here at Beyond Blue have helped me through some dark and horrible times.

At present I'm not working and find my mental health has a lot to do with that, so presently I am volunteering and getting a lot out of the positions I am in.

Are there groups or organisations near you that you could become involved in? It can be hard to make contact, but you don't know how it will be until you try.

Can you think of just one thing you can do differently next week that might change how you feel about your life for the positive?

Hope you can reach out for extra support.

All the best from Dools

[White_Rose]

Dear Nicko

Welcome to the forum and thank you for telling us your story. I am so sorry you are in such a hard place. It's not good. You say others are in a worse position than you but it doesn't make you feel better. I agree with you. You have your own set of problems and at the moment you are the one that counts. Sophie has sent you an email and I hope you answer. We can help you.

If you would like to speak to someone on the phone I suggest you contact the Suicide Call Back Service. They are a great bunch of people with lots of professional skills to help those who feel they want to leave this life.

Please phone them. The number is 1300 659 467 and is available 24/7. They also have a web page you may like to visit. https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ As you will see from their home page Suicide Call Back Service is a nationwide service that provides professional 24/7 telephone and online counselling to people who are affected by suicide. I think they can help you especially in your current situation. Please contact them.

I would love to know how you go and if there is any other way we can help. I am sure other people will be along to talk to you soon.

Mary

[Croix]

Dear Nicko44~

You have had athree lovely people greet you here, Sophie, Mrs Dools and Mary. All are a bit special in that they can see past the surface to the person underneath, they, and I too, think there is a lot more to you that a few 'mistakes'.

I went to uni as a late teen and wasted my time, not alone either, there was a group of us.

Ok you wasted a bit of money, there are not many of us who have not, one way or another, I'd hate to think how much I spent on cigarettes just as one example (I've plenty more -sigh). You had a girlfriend and that ended. Now that is bad, no two ways about it. Grief, loneliness, self-doubt all eat away at you.

Flip it over the other way. You have been lonely, you did something about it. Sex workers are the same as everyone else, and if you paid for human contact - so what? It helped you cope, plus as you say yourself you actually talked there sometimes, maybe that helped them to be seen as something other than a disposable object.

Hair receding -so what? You can always go the Bruce Willis/ Samuel Jackson way and clip it close if you think it is a bar to being accepted - actually when you come right down to it looks in hair and what have you don't realty count as much as you think.

Other people will talk with you, including females, it only takes one to see the good in you. Stack the odds in your favor, as Mrs Dools suggest volunteer - choose a place that has lots of females, it can work out, plus volunteering is very often an entree into employment.

I'm not going to go though everything you think you have done wrong, it would just act as reminders -which you don't need right now.

What you do need is human contact, competent help by people that understand and can steer you towards feeling better, coping better, having hope. Mary said the Suicide Call Back Service who you can phone, chat or email to. I personally think they are great -plus you do not have to keep on explaining, you can ask for the same professional more than once. Can I suggest when overwhelmed or frightened (as I have been) you contact them?

They are there for people like you and me, it is no big deal.

Winding the clock back means you miss out on all your experience, and despite what you think at the moment they have great value. You learn, things do get better

Croix