Hi Guys
I'm new here. I'm in my early thirties, have a 4yo son and a 7 month old daughter. I live with a partner who works away from home for 12 to 14 hours a day and a couple of years ago he was made redundant and we had to move 800km away from all of my established support for another job.
I started getting symptoms of depression when I was 11 and was first hospitalised as suicidal when I was 15. Since then my life has been alternating between feeling numb and getting by to various stages of not doing well to full blown crisis.
I have never hidden my illness from my partner but he doesn't seem to be able to understand. He thinks that because he spends so much time at work he shouldn't have to do much when he gets home. He calls me lazy in front of his kids from a previous marriage and then wonders why they say it too, and makes sure I know he resents having to help out with housework.
I have had issues with sleep for as long as I can remember. I have always slept better during the day than at night and lately I've hardly been sleeping at night at all. To make it worse, my partner uses sleep deprivation as a punishment. last weekend he actually said f*** you b**** when I told him I was going to have a nap.
I feel like I am failing my kids because I am too tired to do anything. I know eating well and getting exercise can help but how do you start when everything feels like too much effort and you have no support. I used to ride my bike In the afternoons to get a little me time and some exercise but I can't even do that now because my son clings to me like a limpet and screams until I get home if I leave without him.
Things are getting on top of me and the thoughts of suicide are coming every day now. (Yes, I know what to do in a crisis and I know when I need to seek help and do so) I just don't know where to get the practical help I need when I live in a little town at the back end of nowhere.
Sorry this got long
Sal
