How do I explain all this to my boss

[Millie04]

How, how do I do that... a boss who says he's trying to be understanding, then sends me an email while I'm on a approved leave day telling me he wants a meeting with me tomorrow because he must take disciplinary action. I have always tried to keep him in the loop, maybe it's easier just to get a doctors certificate and tell them nothing... I try and do the right thing then get crucified... I'm getting closer to the edge 😢

[interloper]

Do you know what the meeting is about exactly? Or guess it is about the day off?

Others may disagree, but I've never included bosses in my personal affairs, including health issues. It would be nice to be able to, but unfortunately people are not always fair like that.

[Ken1]

Hey Millie04,

I don't know much about what's going on for you but I struggled with a non-understanding boss when I was a manager last year and dealing with depression and anxiety. It was very hard to say the least. As interloper said, not everyone knows how to be fair because not everyone understands.

Try not to be hard on yourself. It sounds like a really uncomfortable situation but my advice would be to try and find out what your boss things you've done that wasn't so great, and if you believe it's worth it, try to better his understanding by explaining some details of what it's like for you - just basic details so that he can help you and learn to be fairer.

Do you feel like this job is long term for you and do you enjoy it? Sometimes it's not worth it if you don't feel supported by the people you're working for. I know that it was like that for me.

Try and talk to someone close to you too - see if they can help you nut out what you should/shouldn't say and who can support you too.

Would love to hear back from you.

Bonnie

[Just Sara]

Hi Millie and welcome to our community of caring people;

The first thing I want to stress is personal power. When it comes to your health, you're the boss ok?

Please don't attend a meeting without first requesting an email providing details of why it's occurring then you'll have time to prepare. It'll mean postponing the meeting for a more suitable time, but that's your right. Don't falter with this, even if they say they can't. If they do, tell them you can't attend until the email is received by you. (And the union I hope)

Speaking of your rights, find out what they are and take a support person with you to the meeting. They don't have to be employed at the same place, even a parent can attend. Ideally your psychologist or counselor would attend.

Get your support person to keep notes and whisper to you about their concerns during the meeting to give you tips or queries. Most of all though, you don't have to formally declare your state of health unless it directly interferes with your job. If it does, it's up to managers to deal with it within the guidelines of their code of conduct, policy and procedures. If it doesn't, just ask them to send you a 'brief', outlining their concerns. Keep putting things back on them...please.

I know this is scary, but we get these same requests for help very often. If you have any problems with the above suggestions, come back and tell us what happened ok?

Best of luck hun...you have rights!

Sara (hug)

[Millie04]

Firstly thank you to all who have offered guidance it's so greatly appreciated.

the day my boss emailed me I was on a approved by him leave day.

I am in a little country town and my job was to be the last job! I've been floating for years and wanted stability so when I was offered this job it was a dream come true. Country town and a great family company, which has now had one of the caring owners leave and a CEO app.

My boss and I had spoken before about ensuring I get a medical certificate for any days off.. which I've done for all but one when I could not get to the doc.

I have for the past year been under great pressure at work as the company grew very quickly and my requests for help were only really taken seriously when my health started to suffer. It's almost like oh god she's sick and can't do her job lets get someone quick so that the role is covered when she is not there. I have now another person to help me, but all little to late after my anxiety and depression taking hold after me being so content and in control for a few years everything is out of control again.

I am going to my doc tomorrow... no meeting for me, I'll go see her and ask for try to get myself back on track. I really thought that by being open and honest it was the best way to be, I think now it was the dumbest thing to do. I can tell by the chat we had the other day he has no idea on mental health or how to handle someone with it. I don't and never had wanted sympathy, but understanding I would expect. So it's been a few years of being in remission with breast cancel my dad having a massive heart attack and stroke ... and stress to stay on top of work on my own... the end result is that I feel like my head is going to explode.

thanks so much for everyone's replys, never have I reached out in this way before,but I feel the edge getting closer

Millie x

[Ken1]

Love what Just Sara said about you being the boss of your own health and from the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like your work environment is looking after you too well.

Don't get yourself down for being open - it's not your fault that your boss doesn't understand and in fact I think you were really courageous in being open in the first place.

Going to your doctor is a great idea and shows that you're prioritising your health which is the main thing.

All the best, Millie!

[Millie04]

Thanks so much... I think being such an honest person has done me no favours in this case, but that's not for me to worry about. Doc today and I also saw another post where the lady had a journal documenting her moods so I will try that, it may help with learning.