How are you coping with your thoughts today?

Doolhof · ‎25-05-2022

Hi All,

Each moment of every day, we have thoughts darting around in our minds. When I stop to consider the ramblings that are occurring, I realise just how much negativity and destruction is sometimes involved in my thought process. If I leave these thoughts unchecked, allow them to proceed further, if I don't acknowledge of challenge them, I can soon find myself struggling mentally.

How do you proceed once you realise your thoughts and mind are drifting off to a place you would rather not be?

ecomama · ‎02-08-2022

Dearest Dools, WE love you. WE CARE so much about you!

I'm sorry I didn't see your message to me! We're here, I'm here, in a safe space for you to cry your eyes out, scream OUT LOUD if you need to - I think you need to. This situation is toxic and untenable.

I've been in toxic marriages, when I felt all I was diminished to was "a free atm" as my KIDS told me!
I didn't even see it myself, I just knew I was desperately miserable for years.
I've also been in similar horrid-ness at work. Some people.... GRRR!

You are MORE than your work.
You are MORE than your marriage!

You are worthy of respect.

Time to take back your power:
~ KNOW you are worthy, regardless of how anyone around you is treating you (it's hard I know! But this is why you're upset - you know this too)
~ have your lunch OUT SIDE! I have driven away from the place at my lunch hour, sat in a park, visited a shopping centre, just sat in my car. Anywhere just to get OUT and gain some grounding.

~ remember WHY you're at work, this thought pattern on repeat can reduce the importance of your co-workers effed up attitudes,
~ SPEAK. Practice some short sentences you can use when a person is disrespectful to you eg "Stop. Speak with respect." If you have a "Code of Conduct" then USE it. The things I've done with this would make your hair curl!

BOUNDARIES Dools. Boundaries.
You and I are exceedingly KIND people. We have PATIENCE of Biblical proportions!
My son told me a thought to use only last week: "Don't mistake my patience for weakness".
We are STRONG.
You can learn the "Gray Rock" responses, search online for these.

Re: husband. Search the 180 Strategy.

Loving you and holding you tight,
EMxxxx

Doolhof · ‎02-08-2022

Hi Em,

Thanks for finding me and for responding. I will Google the suggestions you have made, I have written them down. When I return to work I will try and ask the staff to show me some respect.

I need to work on creating a better head space around work. As soon as I wake up negative work stuff fills my mind. I try to find ways to deal with it.

I have 1/2 hour for lunch. I did go to my car, ate my lunch and had a walk for 15 minutes. If it is too cold for the car I sit in a large empty room at work.

As other staff walk past my desk I call out and say hello to them.

On Facebook this morning I saw this quote " There are some people who always seem angry, and constantly look for conflict. Just walk away...The battle they are fighting is not with you. It is with themselves."

I need to remind myself this is the case! I take it all personally. Maybe that is part of the BPD and depression or just my emotional side disliking conflict and not being respected.

The other day they didn't even bother yelling at me, but sent me email messages instead...that I didn't find till hours later as I was busy doing other duties and had no time to look at emails. I will remind myself it is them not me!

I need to practice my positive self talk as I walk in the door at work! As I walk past them. As I sit at my desk and start my day.

The marriage is a whole different ball game! Similar stuff I guess in a way. I need a new game plan.

Thank you for your care and support EM I greatly appreciate it.

Doolhof · ‎02-08-2022

Hi Sophie M,

Your comment below has hit the nail on the head. For so long I have felt my needs are not considered, that I have forgotten how to assert myself in a healthy manner and feel as though my concerns don't matter as I decline to stand up for myself a lot of the time.

"What might you be able to do for you that can tell you that you are important?"

At work I will take my designated lunch breaks. I will try to ask staff to show me some respect. I will remind myself I don't need to take on other people's rudeness. I will take an extra bathroom break if I need some space at work. I will encourage myself to work to the best of my ability as circumstances allow. I will ask to speak out about issues as they arise and seek solutions...even if that angers and frustrates other staff.

Personally I will continue my daily walks. I will try to incorporate a walk after work even if it is for 15 minutes to help clear my mind. I will make time for more pleasurable activities at home. I will find a balance between work, home duties and me time.

I will make a time to go to the beach...my peaceful and restorative place.

I will be more aware of the times I don't follow through on what I desire to do.

If anyone has suggestions, concepts and ideas on how they make themselves feel important, worthwhile and acceptable, please share if you would like to.

Thanks Sophie M.

Doolhof · ‎02-08-2022

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for your comments. Humour does help and can make an unpleasant mental health situation less intense. Sometimes it is difficult to find the humour though.

It is interesting that an intense crying session and laughter can both help relieve the stress and tension of a situation!

I did have a good laugh with a staff member at work the other day, I told her how much I appreciated the interaction. I returned to my desk with a sense of being able to get through the rest of the day.

I will try to recall that moment when I am feeling hassled when I am at work.

Has anyone every recalled a funny moment in their mind and laughed out loud when no one else around you has any idea what was so funny? I need more moments like that!

Thanks Quirky, hope you are doing okay.

quirkywords · ‎02-08-2022

How I make myself feel important thst is an interesting question.

I suppose in my relationship and volunteer work in a charity shop

I feel I am way down the priority list so I rarely ask myself how to do I make myself feel important.

I suppose I try to not make myself feel Insignificant .

To feel important I must value myself even if others do t. I am aware of my worth and appreciate what I do.
If I keep questioning my value how can others value who I am and what I do.

Doolhof · ‎06-08-2022

Hi Quirky,

I have just found your reply, I am not understanding this new format at all! I receive notices for Support but not when someone comments on a thread/discussion.

I like the comments you made and it has realised how very little I think of myself and how much I allow the actions and words of other people to affect me.

My co-worker hardly spoke a civil word to me yesterday but was pleasant to everyone else. All I did to upset her was walk in the front door. Do I confront her or just let her be horrible to me for reasons I just don't understand.

I wake at 3.00 a.m. most mornings and am filled with dread about going to work and have trouble switching my mind off. I am cancelling activities with others. I am shutting myself down to protect myself.

There is so much to be thankful for, I am just not feeling it.

Doolhof · ‎09-08-2022

Note to self: Try not to let the horrible, nasty, mean bully at work destroy my sense of self.

It is hard to not feel depressed, inferior, unworthy, miserable, dejected and like you don't matter when every communication with a work colleague is met with rudeness, negativity and a mean attitude.

I ask a work related question and get growled at.

I try a pleasant statement to see if I get a positive reaction...I am ignored or snapped at.

I have never been so lonely and made to feel so inferior in a work place.

People say I am allowing myself to feel this way. Yes I am. How do I stop her horridness from infiltrating and affecting my mind? How do I stop waking up at 3.00 a.m. dreading going to work.

Do I confront her next time she is mean and tell her she is a bully?

What is going to be worse at work, having her continue on the way she is or possibly her not talking to me at all if I confront her?

I'm starting to really hate my job, because I work with a mean and nasty bully.

quirkywords · ‎17-08-2022

dools
I feel that when someone is making us feel low after we try to be ice, it is their problem,

I feel sorry that they are really struggling and it is not because there is something wrong with me, That’s the plan. Bullies often have problems in their own life.
I hope there is a kind person at work who can help you.

Take care

Down-Mum · ‎18-08-2022

First time posting, only recently signed up. I’ve looked through this thread and I now have ideas on what to do when those negative thoughts hit me. This is the first time that I’ve ever felt like this and it’s draining, and it’s taking it toll on my family and myself 😢 Doolhof, you have a lot of advice here which ill be sure to check out.

Sophie_M · ‎18-08-2022

Dear Down-Mum,

Finding the strength to post about your struggles is an excellent step toward changing the negative pattern you have been stuck in. We are pleased that you have chosen our quite supportive and helpful community to assist you.

As you are already discovering, we have a wealth of experience here, and many users who really want to help.

Whenever you really find yourself getting stuck, please feel free to ring our experienced counsellors on 1300 22 4636. They are available 24 hours per day, every day of the year.

We look forward to seeing more posts from you whenever you feel like posting.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.