Hit rock bottom - need help

[Ems]

It has been a while since I’ve been on here.  I have been struggling with things for a while now.  Instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse - I feel like I have hit rock bottom now and  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I know I need help and I have tried a couple of times but so far nothing seems to work.  I am trying to deal with issues from my past that have come up again for me.  It is so much harder than I thought it would be.  I feel like I am desperate to get it all out sometimes and feel like I am going to explode keeping all these things inside. 

I have issues asking for or accepting help.  I had it drilled into me over many years that asking for help or asking for it to stop/crying/getting upset etc just caused more pain and punishment.  Now I have a lot of difficulty asking for help with personal issues.  I have always been very independent and never needed help.  Now I desperately need someone to help/talk to but I can’t seem to make myself do it because I know most people do not want to hear about these things and I feel awful putting that on someone.   Rationally I know it is not helpful to not seek help but I can’t seem to get past the feeling that it is wrong, I don’t deserve help and shouldn't be dumping this on someone else. 

It just feels like everything is crashing down around me and I can’t stop it.  I want to get back to normal, I’ve tried so many things on my own but am just running out of energy and ideas now.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  

[Silverorchid77]

Ems, I've been to a couple of counselling sessions before and my counsellor never brought up the issues, but then again, I wasn't exactly forth coming so it might be different for you. But I get it, I wanted  to move things along as well and it didn't happen for me. It might be different for you though and I honestly think you should stick with the sessions, I stuck to mine even though they weren't helpful. It's a step in the right direction and the counsellors do know what they are doing.

Of course it's okay to talk about it. You can always chat to us on here about the problem, we're here to listen and will do whatever we can to help. Of course, talking to a professional is better though. Good luck with your next session.