What’s it all for.
Go to work to do aimless stuff.
I work out at the gym – continual working out, but am I getting any bigger? Doubt it.
Injured my bicep in November and it’s still giving me grief.
I’ve stopped one of the really enjoyable things in life (having beers at night) and this is giving me grief as well. I mean if it wasn’t for my fat stomach, there’d be no need to go off it.
Feel tired so much – and I thought it was just in the morning, but now it’s getting to me during the arves as well now.
Am a hopeless joke of a father to my son. Thank goodness that our daughter is a ripper! But then she's turned out that way largely to her Mum's influence. But our son just frustrates the hell out of me and makes me so sad and mad. He won't go to bed early - that's a source of aggravation. I’ve stuffed up so badly. I doubt there’d be another household that would be like ours – where our son basically gets everything that he wants. And grumbles a lot of the time too. But that's just another balloon of my depression.
Want to just lie down in bed.
Also have a sore right glute/hamstring attachment; and also sore lower back, due to me being a 'paper boy' every Tuesday evening.
But yeah, these are just some of my stressors at the moment - tears still won't come - but I find I'm getting mad and angry INSIDE me; that it's all balling up into a tightness but it won't explode and if it did, I don't know in what form it would come out.
I feel like a sham as well - I post to others and reply and support, but all the time I'm feeling just a joke of a person who has my own battles. But then I turn it around and think, well at least posting here is possibly one of the things that I can do that is perhaps 'right'. I mean, the amount of feedback I've had from you wonderful people has shown me that.
But with all these stressors at the moment and the massive question is: what’s it all for?? Where is the next smile going to come from? But really, will a smile make all that much of a difference??
What do I want?????? I don’t know – not to be continually stuck in an office everyday of the week. Not to be injured. Well, neither of these will ever come true – well one will but that’s so far off in the future that it’s not worth thinking about and the other one would be if I stopped one of my biggest passions in life – to work out.
So the clock ticks on, the day progresses and the endless cycle just continues on.
Thanx for reading.
Neil
