Hi Daniel_83
As a 53yo gal, I can relate to where you're coming from. I can also relate strongly to a lot of what Croix mentions. Ive kinda come to see certain ages as being 'different stages' and each age/stage comes with its pros and cons. Having gone through ages/stages of being a drinker and party goer, while it was fun to some degree and carefree, I'm glad I've left it all behind me. Living life more consciously has come with a lot of bonuses. While I went through ages/stages of trial and error with partners when I was younger, reaching the stage of marriage has meant having to try harder to develop a relationship and maintain it. Unless there are serious issues in a marriage, there's no simply ending a marriage when things get somewhat tough. As far as the body goes, after 40 I found it's not so easy. There are times where I feel like my body's saying to me 'You know all the abuse you used to inflict on me (poor sleep habits, drinking, partying, poor diet etc etc), I did everything I could to have you bounce back. Now it's up to you. Now you have to put the effort in'. So now I have to consciously exercise, hydrate, look after my skin, eat better (foods with the best kind of chemistry in them) and so on. After what I did to my body, I owe it that much. It's been incredibly good to me.
Btw, I'm a cycler when it comes to depression, in and out on a regular basis. While it can be seriously tough to manage at times, one thing I've found is when I cycle out of a depression, I always come out of it with some new facet of self, with the goal being to develop it. For example, while the people pleaser in me had reached the point of being depressing in my life, within the depression some intolerant part of me came to life, dictating 'You have got to stop tolerating the behviour of people who are depressing you'. The intolerant part of me is a solid boundary setter and raiser of self esteem. Another example involves the adventurer in me. With a lack of adventure in my life, compared to when I was younger, the lack had become intensely depressing. When I woke up through the adventurer in me coming back to life with stuff like 'You can't keep doing the same old things over and over, you have to add ventures', I began to develop the adventurer in me. Of course what ventures we add or choose will depend on a variety of factors like health, financial situation, location etc.
I've found while some facets of myself are happily dead and buried (like the alcoholic in me), some facets are champing at the bit to come back to life. Then there are some facets which have never come to life. The question can be 'What are they and how can I bring them to life?'. Could it involve bringing the sage in us to life more (the part that has us look at things from a whole different perspective) or the fearless risk taker or the philosopher, the seer of possibilities, financial manager, analyst, writer, yoga practitioner or manager/master of our nervous system and so on? Could it involve some self loving or self respecting facet or perhaps the self disciplinarian? As we come to life bit by bit, stage by stage (at different ages), the list becomes seemingly endless. I should add, there there can be facets that feel truly alive at times, not so good ones. They can even become depressing. These would include the harsh and brutal inner critic, the pessimist, the stresser, the seer of all things negative etc. Such facets can be hard to manage, that's for sure. The good and the not so good (light and dark) are 2 sides of the same coin, self development. The self develops in a variety of ways, under a variety of circumstances.
