Having nothing in life

[Cee123]

Hi guys, I just need someone to talk to about how crappy I feel.

I have a massive sense of failure in my life and I feel completely stuck, I have ongoing loneliness, years of unemployment, no friends, no partner, I'm 35 soon and I should be married with kids but I have nothing and I feel like time is running out. I live at home with my parents still. They are my only real source of support. I don't have anybody else. And if I lived alone I would've lost it by now and probably taken my own life. I have depression, social anxiety... I've always been single all my life and I can't find anybody. I haven't worked in over 10 years because at my last job which was a deadend job in housekeeping I was bullied and called a retard and this caused ongoing mental health issues. Just a couple of years ago, I started going to the gym with my cousin. I'm currently still going to the gym and this has lifted my spirits a bit. It took me a long, long time before I could even go into a gym. But now I'm running out of money, and I feel like I won't be able to afford it anymore. I don't know what to do for money. I am painfully shy and awkward to even talk to people much of the time. I have been applying for jobs online and heard absolutely nothing back. I have seriously low self-esteem. I just feel sad. I have a dog who's 16 years old now who I can't even take for walks anymore because she's on her last legs. She's like my child.

I've been to therapists about my depression and they haven't helped. I've also been on medication which has helped a little bit. I went off it for about a year because I didn't like the side effects. Now I feel like I'm going to need it again. I don't know what to do with my life. I feel depressed and lonely all the time, no one talks to me anymore, I don't go anywhere because I have nowhere to go. Even at the gym it feels like I have no association with anyone. I'm posting here, I hope I won't get judged or abused because I've abused on forums before and it's been horrible.

[Cee123]

Hi Paul,

I woke up again today feeling pretty crappy about myself. I can't believe I had to switch over from the Jobseeker to Disability because of these panic attacks and depression. I went into Centrelink the other day to do that, and I was wracked with nerves. I opened up to the woman at the desk and I just about broke down crying. She said I am pretty young still. I think she felt sorry for me. She said maybe I need assistance in finding a job, and that there are other people out there like me and there's nothing to be ashamed of. But I first need to work on these issues. Taking one step at a time.

I studied IT years ago, and I felt like I hated it. I'm not even really sure I want to do that anymore. I don't think I would enjoy being stuck in an office. And I've heard that offices can be pretty toxic environments too. I often worry about how I'm going to fit in in the workplace, being out of work for so long, with my poor social skills, and having nothing in common with other people my age. I just feel depressed thinking about it.

These tablets the doctor prescribed are making me feel better. But it's taking time. You're right, maybe it's time to block out the crappy thoughts. I've been avoiding them for years, but now they've all come crashing down on me at once. I'll keep doing whatever I'm doing, and maybe things will work out. Maybe they won't. I don't know anymore.

That always makes me feel better when the sun is out shining.

[Cee123]

Realizing I have nothing at this age, a lot of days I struggle to find any reason to get out of bed at all.

[Guest_1584]

Hi gee.

Nothing doesn't have to stay nothing tho , few yrs back into life can change your world. lf you don't like lt then that's ok , no lt, don't like too many people no prob, find something with just one or two or where you work alone , no office , fine, find something out doors. l think if you looked for something that fits you , you'd 10fold better off in all kinds of ways than your feeling lately

Yaknow this yrs been a huge lesson for me work depression wise as in the questioning it all in my thread. But l've been back at work about 6wks or something now this yr and l must admit the writings all over the wall now for me and it is def' 200% helping dragging me out of my own crap and head. l've even felt pretty good at times and a def' satisfaction within myself , l'm even enjoying it . Been a huge eye opener after 3mths or so off , as well as things people have talked about in my thread too and the pro's and cons , there's most def' lots of pro's especially at your age.

Anyway hang in there. rx

[Sophie_M]

Hey Cee123,

Thanks for reaching out today.

We're sorry to hear you're feeling flat and unmotivated today. Please remember to be kind to yourself and that these days happen to many of us. We can also hear you feel as though you haven't achieved anything at your age. We understand it can be so easy to compare ourselves to others but we think it's a lot more helpful to compare ourselves to where we have been. If you're continuing to grow and improve this is far more important. 

We hope you chose to reach out today if you feel you need support and would like to talk these feelings through. Our Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEDT on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area. Thanks again for checking in with us here on the Beyond Blue forums.

[Cee123]

Thanks, but none of that makes me feel any better about myself... I've even discussed my feelings of failure and inadequacy with the GP only to be told "yep, that's pretty normal", "we all have feelings like that at times". And I'm just thinking "you really don't understand". I've been to therapists, it hasn't helped. They give me tips on what I should do. Advice that would help most regular people. But it hasn't helped me. I feel like I'm at the dead end in my life, stuck behind a wall and there's no way past it, around it or over it. I'm so down, I want things to be better but they can't be. I've also been getting anxiety attacks, and feelings of constant worrying for the future. I don't go out much. So when I do go to new places and do different things, I get anxiety.

[Guest_1643]

hey Cee

to b honest i think th response of the gp is inadequete

and might mak u feel invalidated

are u ok?

[Guest_4643]

Hey Cee123.

I'm sorry you had that, are you able to change GPs? Might be worth complaining about if they make you feel worse.

[Guest_1643]

tbh i don't think advice helps with most ppl, in most situations

if you go to ur doctor and u have a MH issue and thy say "oh, meditate twice a day"

or "read this book, that'll fix it" i wander how many ppl can even in that state, accept the advice and use it? for m it always backfired. I didn't follow th advicee and then felt bad about myself. But the reason I didn't follow it was bcause it was wrong for me, or I just wasn't well enough. it just made me feel worse.

With mental health, advice is a small part of receiving help, i think. we all know and have heard of the tips and tricks for staying well. we try implement it as much as we can. Being told to go for walks or listen to music doesn't mean much.

I think the first part we need is to be believed. And what I feel whn i hear tht statement from the gp which u were offered, is that s/he doesn't believe you or believe it's as bad as you say. This just stops ppl from help-seeking.

u, and all of us, have a basic right to be believed.

[Guest_4643]

Good point Sleepy

[uggaholic]

Hi Cee ••
I just joined this forum and it's my first time scrolling around.
I'm in such a similar position to you, although I'm 25... I have zero friends, no real qualifications, no job/education for few years now... also I have a 6 year old dog baby too! So in 10 years when I'm 35 my dog would be 16 too.. just thought that was a coincidence..
I'm sorry I don't have any helpful advice to offer you like the others.. I just wanted to say i feel comforted in reading your story hearing I'm not the only one, so thank you.. maybe you might feel comforted too..
The only thing i can think of is, have you tried ASMR? Although i don't really get "tingles", I find it really comforting at night and sometimes play it whilst i go to sleep. I listen to a particular youtuber/asmrtist and she makes you feel like a friend and cared for. Lots of people of all ages use it to fall asleep, for anxiety etc.
Wishing you goodness, wellness and luck, I'll be rooting for you as i also somehow look to improve my life.