Having nothing in life

[Cee123]

Hi guys, I just need someone to talk to about how crappy I feel.

I have a massive sense of failure in my life and I feel completely stuck, I have ongoing loneliness, years of unemployment, no friends, no partner, I'm 35 soon and I should be married with kids but I have nothing and I feel like time is running out. I live at home with my parents still. They are my only real source of support. I don't have anybody else. And if I lived alone I would've lost it by now and probably taken my own life. I have depression, social anxiety... I've always been single all my life and I can't find anybody. I haven't worked in over 10 years because at my last job which was a deadend job in housekeeping I was bullied and called a retard and this caused ongoing mental health issues. Just a couple of years ago, I started going to the gym with my cousin. I'm currently still going to the gym and this has lifted my spirits a bit. It took me a long, long time before I could even go into a gym. But now I'm running out of money, and I feel like I won't be able to afford it anymore. I don't know what to do for money. I am painfully shy and awkward to even talk to people much of the time. I have been applying for jobs online and heard absolutely nothing back. I have seriously low self-esteem. I just feel sad. I have a dog who's 16 years old now who I can't even take for walks anymore because she's on her last legs. She's like my child.

I've been to therapists about my depression and they haven't helped. I've also been on medication which has helped a little bit. I went off it for about a year because I didn't like the side effects. Now I feel like I'm going to need it again. I don't know what to do with my life. I feel depressed and lonely all the time, no one talks to me anymore, I don't go anywhere because I have nowhere to go. Even at the gym it feels like I have no association with anyone. I'm posting here, I hope I won't get judged or abused because I've abused on forums before and it's been horrible.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Gee.

Came across your thread thought l'd drop in , As l was saying in my work thread though it does really help me in all the ways your struggling and others , l must admit . Well reading bits here l'm wondering what sort of work you might enjoy and if there was anything you'd feel you could cope with even just a few days a wk?Don't know if it's anything along your lines but l was mowing lawns for awhile between businesses and l really enjoyed it. So simple nothing to think about , physical , could you handle anything like that say. ?

Also do do you like walking or running , runnings really good for clearing the mind ran for yrs not atm though. Funny , it actually bores me so badly that l really strain to get out there and do it but it just does me so much good that l try to push on.

The LL lady was spot on , one step at a time , maybe if you started on one thing to fix life up , then the next and next , you could turn things around in time.

Anyway good luck. rx

[geoff]

Hello Cee, my vet is married with two young children, besides I'm too old for her but she's lovely.

I used to have a radio next to me, although at home I'll play a record as well, but in the early hours that's when I needed it to play music or perhaps talk back although I've always been an early riser because the phones never rang.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Guest_9871]

Hello again all. Thought i would send a 'Good Morning' message as its still raining here so stuck inside still. Pretty crappy weather. Good on you Geoff, hope all works out with the vet. Might get expensive if you have to keep taking you dog there just to see her though. Hopefully as Cee said, she is single. Go for it mate!!
I love certain music as well but i cant play either. Leave it to the experts.
Cee, i have been thinking, is it an option for you do make some pamphlets and do some dog walking for some extra money? It will get you outside and you only have to talk to the owner. You can do it!!
Also i am assuming there would be meetings or groups somewhere that you can attend so you can mingle with people that have depression. It would be alot easier to talk with people who understand and dont judge. Maybe that's what i need as well??
Paul

P.s. yes Cee, it sucks when you cannot sleep at night. Don't have an answer but i agree with Geoff, maybe music will help. There are some good ocean or rainforest sounds out there. Also try rearranging your room for something different as a change may help. Grab some nice smelly incense to help calm your mind??

[Cee123]

Hi there Rx,

It would help you a lot, gets you out of the house, gives you a sense of purpose. Something to do. And also chance to socialize. I'm not sure what sort of job I could cope with or what I can do, but 3 days a week would be great even if it's just to start off with. I don't even know what I'm skilled at, that's the thing or even who would hire someone like me. I'm good at fixing things with the computer, a bit of gardening, and a bit of cleaning around the house. But that's about it. I'm trying to think what other things I'm good at. I'm always cleaning things, vacuuming, mopping floors. Lawn mowing, yes! I think I could handle that. I'm constantly mowing the lawn around the house and even the verge down the street and cutting the edges by hand. Even when it doesn't need mowing, I do it just as something to do. I think I could do that. Gardening, maybe but then I don't really know how to use power tools or stuff like that. But I think I am physically fit enough to handle lawn mowing. Just not sure where I'd keep the lawnmower/s or other tools and my car is too small.

Yeah I like walking and running. Or even riding a bike. Helps clear the mind I think. Do you do it outdoors? I've been doing it at the gym. Seems to help. But lately I've also been going for jogs at the park. It was 39 degrees today but I didnt care, I had to get out of the house, I was stuck in my thoughts and in my anxiety.

Hopefully, I feel like it's going to be a long, painful trek. I don't know maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Small steps, I guess. One step at a time.

Thank you Rx.

[Cee123]

Hi Geoff,

Ah damn, that's a shame then. They are almost always taken these days.

I like that idea, Geoff. The radio sounds like it helps, would be something calming. Doesn't matter if it's the radio or even just playing music. Music has such a powerful effect. That's a good idea.

Thanks Geoff, you take care too.
Cee123

[Cee123]

Hi Paul, sorry to hear the weather's crap there. It's been 39 degrees here. Still feels like summer. Which I think is great as winter usually makes me feel a thousand times worse.

That's a good idea, dog walking, I could do that. Not sure how much interest I'd get from people around here though. Most people around here usually walk their dog themselves and probably wouldn't trust a stranger to do it, which is understandable. I don't know, I could try.

There are depression support groups as part of Act, Belong, Commit here in Perth. Not sure how well I'd fit in there though. Seems like they meet up to do regular activities like going for walks and having meetups for coffee. I'd never really looked into it. I was in a support group for social anxiety years ago... It was a group therapy thing. But even though we were all there for the same reason, I still felt like I didn't really have much else in common with anyone else there. I don't know what's wrong with me. They all had active social lives and I spent a lot of time alone so I had nothing really to talk about and after a while they just didn't bother with me. Maybe they got bored. Haha. There was one guy who did talk to me sometimes but I felt like sometimes he was being smart. For someone with social anxiety, he didnt seem like a shy person.

Those are some good ideas, incense sounds good too. Haha. And combine that with peaceful sounds or music, maybe some meditation music. Just some food for thought. I like those ideas, Paul. Have they worked much for you? I might have to give them a try.

[Guest_9871]

Hey Cee.i did try music a while ago but i had headphones on and it was hard to sleep with them on. I need to buy a portable stereo i think.
I reckon alot of my problem (and maybe yours) is the lack of good friends. I don't have any really that i socialise with. Probably because i am always too serious and dont know how to have fun anymore. The people at work are all younger and on their own level. My main problem is that I'm too money focused and i get frustrated as the more i try to save, the harder it seems to be.
Maybe you can try the group again as you just might find one person that you click with? You sound like you have a heap of talent so don't waste it. I think we all need to block out our worries and concentrate on one day at a time.
Maybe you can pick one thing that you would like to try over the next week or so and pursue it, then dont even think or worry about anything else. It's funny but things always seem to work out in the end. Maybe we are just too hard on ourselves??
Paul

[Guest_1584]

Yeah friends are a really hard thing , l basically have none either. l only really see my daughter, gf when she's down , and one brother now and then. Been here 4 yrs, it is a really hard thing to do much about isn't it.

Hi Gee and no worries at all glad everyone here are coming up with a few ideas for ya. But yeah l mean there's a lotta life left though mate so you know, sure you could turn things around in small steps over time. A hobby would be nice to if you can think of something you'd like to get into .

Best of luck anyway.

[Cee123]

I just went back to the doctor today, and he prescribed me medication. I was shaking and just about breaking down crying, mentioning the worries I'm having and the misery. I said I've been having panic attacks, anxiety, depression... How can I work like this? He didn't seem all that sympathetic. He gave me two months off the jobseeker and on the disability for 2 months. And he said to see him weekly. But I don't feel like it's going to get better. When I asked about disability, he just shook his head and said it's too much of a long, drawn out process and I probably won't get it. So I don't know what to do? These panic attacks are never going to end. I'm depressed all the time and I can't function. How the hell can I look for work when I'm like this? He gave me the details of a disability employment agency... one I already knew about anyway. I don't think he realizes just how bad I am. I am having panic attacks at 2-3 in the morning, thinking about job interviews, how I'm going to get a job etc. I've been like this for YEARS. And he said it's normal. GRRRR I'm annoyed.

[Guest_9871]

Hi Cee. Yeah some doctors don't care. They just want to write a prescription and send you on your way. I did read in one of your posts i think where you said your father is not supportive? Have you tried opening up to them and letting it all out? Are they fully aware of what is happening with your feelings. Sorry i am not an expert on this but i know my youngest daughter went through a stage where she didnt really communicate with us and sort of shut us out. My ex wife and i would do anything to help her providing we knew the whole story. Again, i dont have the answer but are you maybe wanting to reach out more to your mum and dad?
Also, do Lifeline have specialist doctors that they recommend? Be nice if you can find a doctor that truly understands. I haven't spoken to Lifeline yet but i am assuming they are there to talk at any time. I am here talk as well, even though i am on the other side of the country.
Paul