Having a really bad day today but i shouldnt as its my kids bday party

[Chloekat84]

My depression has been really hard to control all throughout th party today ive put on my fake smile and got on with it. But now im home and its over the tears are flowing and i cant control it. My son doesnt understand why mummy is crying and i said im not feeling the best. I dont even know why im soo upset it should be a happy day and theres nothing to be upset about. I hate this illness and i just want the day over and done with so i can sleep it off hopefully feel better 2moro. I can win. Yesterday my anxiety was really bad now its my depression. Its soo hard coping with this alone. I know my parents are staying a few nights but they have gone to my sis's place atm and im just a crying mess and dont know why :'(

[AGrace]

Hi Chloe,

Depression is never fair when it chooses when it'll make an appearance. I'm sorry this has happened on the day of your son's party. A massive hug for getting through the party:)

I know you said that you put on your happy mask during the party, and I know how exhausting the pretending can be. I wonder if there are some small distracting techniques, or nurturing things you could implement at least until your parents get back.

Perhaps a warm bath, or maybe take your son to a nearby park so you can read while he plays, perhaps watching a kids movie together, doing some mindfulness, or even a bit of meditation, having something warm to drink or nice to eat, doing some art together, or a puzzle. As difficult as it is to find the motivation, it's probably only a few more hours until your son's bed time ritual starts. 

Do you think you might be able to try some of these things for the next few hours? It might be helpful if you can remind yourself how proud you will feel when you've made it through his special day.

Maybe arrange some private, quiet time just for you when your parents get back.

I hope he enjoyed his party. I know you can get through this Chloe, your strong, and you've got all of us for support.

AGrace xx

[Chloekat84]

Hello AGrace. I was able to get through the few hrs while they were gone i just chatted and read forums while my son was outside playing and sometimes came inside to play. It was a lot better when i was getting ready for bed. My son went last night. It feels bad but was a load off my chest. I find the best part of the day is when im getting ready for bed and im relaxing on the pc or reading or on my phone. I dont feel quite as bad today so hoping that it will be a calm day. wish me luck. My parents are leaving today which is ashame because i always enjoy their company and it helps with my anxiety and depression as i have other adults to talk to to. Anyways ill go now and hope for the best to have an ok day.

[geoff]

dear Chloekat, thankfully Amber has replied back to you, but hell it's so hard to feel OK and not having to put on a fake face, because this makes you feel so worn out and totally exhausted, but how can we tell our children that it was an enormous effort and not spoil their fun.

The worry is that your son left last night and now your parents are going home, so you are going to be by yourself, so I tend to worry about you and how you are going to occupy your days.

There is a post by Tippy which I would like you to read if possible, as it has just been posted, so that's why I can remember it. L Geoff. x

[AGrace]

Hi Chloe,

It sounds like you benefit from having other adults to talk to, maybe this could become a goal of yours. Networking with some others in order to develop some connections. Have a think about how you could go about doing this, while still being gentle with yourself. 

I'm not sure if your son goes to kinder/playgroup/day care? Perhaps chatting with some of the mums there? If you have an interest in reading, and you enjoy reading the forums etc at night, then maybe joining a book club? Perhaps this is even a goal that you could work on with your treatment team?

I'm really glad that you got through the rest of the day, and I hope today is still going smoothly for you.

AGrace

[Chloekat84]

Hello AGrace and geoff. My parents decided to stay another night which is nice so watched a movie with my mum which was pretty scary. Anyways today has been an ok day i managed to have a nap this arvo which was nice but my parents are definetly leaving 2moro.  Im tryin to make new connections on certain apps on my fone and facebook etc but its hard to find decent ppl to talk to as a lot of guys just want one thing. I ignore them. My son goes to school. Hes nearly 7 so hes too old for playroup etc. His first day back today since the party. Im not a big book reader so not sure if a book club would work for me but i guess anything is possible. Well i shall head off now as im getting tired and need to get to sleep as i have an early morning of getting my daughter ready and myself for taking her to childcare. Hope you all have a good night. Take care x

[geoff]

dear Chloekat, afternoon cat naps or mine is about 11.00 am I just couldn't miss.

What I do want you to be is careful of, as you have said 'they only want one thing', is please don't take them for granted, especially after you have been drinking, just from a wise old man's say, because they can promise you the world that night, but tomorrow they won't be there, because if they trap you then it's back to square one, but I know that you won't, so why am I worrying, because it's been a long journey for you and we care so much for you. L Geoff. x

[Chloekat84]

ohh ur sweet Geoff. Yes ur right it wouldnt come to that as i wouldnt let it get that far. Guys are the last thing on my mind atm thats for sure. I need to sort myself out first b4 dating at all. Today has been an alrite day although my folks have left so a bit down about that. Had a headache all day which has been very annoying and a cough and throat hurts. My mum has the same thing and so does my sis but shes a lot worse. I lost my voice yesterday.Well thats it for now need to rest my head so take care x