Going through a dark time

[Ace.x-ray]

Right now, I am at a loss, I have broken up with my ex-boyfriend 9 months from now, and it was hard as I thought he was the one. My ex-bf and I are both introverts and that is why we got along. we had a lot of things in common such as video games, movies and anime, manga. I was the one who screwed up as I was never experienced in relationships, it was only short-term relationships. as a person he didn't understand who I was or what I was like as an introvert, he has never dated an introvert before only extrovert females. He didn't understand introverted women or how they worked. We had problems too in-between dating, as he didn't fully understand how to be with an introverted woman. A few months later we decided to become friends, and later on we would try to get back together which made it harder for him. since a few months ago he has lost his job and was depressed and struggling. So, he decided to give me up because he can't be with anyone at the moment. I was heartbroken again now that I realize I will never see him again. he was the last man I will ever met, I have given up on love as I am bad luck. It never seems to work for me. I feel so lost and don't know what to do. I don't think I can never be with someone again as I am tired of being hurt and betrayed in my life. not just with men but with people I have met in my life. I just want to go to work and then go home, I don't even want to go out with my friends ever again. All I want to do is stay at home and ignore everyone.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I can understand your withdrawal from people. Rejection is hard and the longer a relationship goes on for the more hurt we are.

Can I suggest computer dating. I say this because you can choose a person that is at the same stage in life, has similar values and future aspirations and enjoys the same interests. That way you eliminate a huge number of hopefuls that would waste your time. My daughter married a person from computer dating.

Yes, it is common to give up dating but we cant, we should keep going. If you dont think this way then time might change your mind.

I hope you are ok and feel better soon

TonyWK

[Ace.x-ray]

I have done online dating many times in my life and have found 3 men from those websites. But no I am tired and done with online dating and dating in general. I realise that I don’t need to find someone to make me happy. 
online dating gets too exhausting scrolling through chatting to people, I mean a lot of people to find someone similar to me. I just don’t want a relationship. I’ve been hurt and betrayed too many times to trust people again

[james1]

Hi Ace.x-ray,

I'm sorry to hear your relationship broke down 9 months ago when it was one you felt was going to last. That sounds both really disappointing and heartbreaking, as you were so invested in it.

I am an introvert as well and after three successive relationships that failed after 3-4 years, I guess I've also given up a little. I felt worse about it before and also tried online dating (which I hated for similar reasons), but I actually feel quite content at the moment.

My last experience with online dating was actually an incredibly enlightening one because I learnt a lot about myself. I realised I was putting a lot of emphasis on potential romantic relationships, and it was actually damaging to my friendships and general social life because every 'failure' while dating made me feel like I wasn't worthy. I got constant reminders of how 'different' and 'weird' I was. And since I spent so much time doing that and less positive time spent with friends who understood me, I didn't have alternate evidence that said, "hey, people actually do like you." 

I hope you can find some time to rest and get back to a better mental place where you aren't still feeling that residual hurt and betrayal. If you'd like to speak more, this is a safe space and it's always nice to meet a fellow introvert.

James