First time poster, just need to vent on recent times

[Divinci]

Hey everyone,

Not really sure where to start or what to say but here goes...
the last few weeks i have been extremely tired and had no motivation to do anything and i was beginning to feel quite feint, thinking it might be diabetes i went and got some tests due to my background being Maori and my dad and others having diabetes i thought it would be wise.
I explained this to my boss via message which took me forever to press send and then i anxiously awaited a reply, in which he said health comes first just keep in touch which made me calm down a lot. so i have had the past over a week off due to this as well.
Knowing i had to return to the doctors this morning for results i was up majority of the night with anxiety worrying/tossing and turning about my results which then lead to me stressing about work and money etc etc.

Then i heard my mum awake in the kitchen so i crawled out of bed to go talk to her and have a smoke and i explained about my anxiety which i have never mentioned before as i am quite a secretive person and i guess hate to think that i'm dumping my problem on others. she then mentioned to me that i should say something at the doctors when i get my results.
Finally getting to sleep and waking up for the doctors (which was a huge struggle) i went to my appointment with severe anxiety of my results which came back with no diabetes for now but a high chance of me getting them at some point.
after i received them i mentioned my anxiety and she asked a few questions about how i feel like, tired/lethargic, motivation, work etc which all got a high answer on her 1-5 scoring chart so she gave me a referral to see a psychologist because she thinks it definitely is depression and worsening from what i explained.
I feel a lot better knowing i have taken a step to do something about it, but now my fear is in my job, i cannot even bring myself to call or message my boss to explain what is going on or when i will come back to work and then i feel i "HAVE" to force myself to go because i am stressing about money and its just a viscous circle that keeps going around that i cannot escape.
I find my only escape from reality and my issues that makes me feel better are video games, i feel i can really escape when playing and i would much rather interact with other gamer's online than face people in reality. it is pretty much the only time i relax and literally don't think about anything at all.

[Croix]

Dear Divinci~

I found a Portuguese author, Bukowski, who used the image you have in your avatar as a cover for his book, in which he said:

Every now and then it was a hard nut to crack, life.

Well I guess he was right, but then he goes on to talk about a long life, things so much easier later.

You are in the middle of a bad place, it steers your thoughts, prevents you leading a normal life. Your thoughts stress about the job, which in fact is the lesser of the worries. Getting well is the first one.

You had a stroke of luck in your GP picking up your state and referring you. Now you have to build on that. In all probability you will end up with meds, therapeutic sessions, directed self-help, and hopefully full support and understanding from your family. Do you get on them well - despite being close-mouthed? Your mum sounds pretty sensible.

As for your boss, who seems pretty reasonable so far, write down what you want to say, get a medical certificate if appropriate and then go see him. The writing down will help you think about what you want to say. It may be you will not be off for that long - talk to your GP.

Playing video games as a formal time-allotted distraction is very useful, retreating into them when you need to deal with life is harder. If it was me (and it used to be) then I'd try to use them as a coping mechanism, together with other things, when the need was greatest.

There's a lot of information on this site in The Facts menu above dealing with anxiety and depression. Plus you can browse those areas in the Forum. There's a good thread on

Forums/ Anxiety/ SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

which I've personally found very useful (it's long so dig).

Please come back and talk more, we can help.

My best wishes,

Croix

[Divinci]

Thank you for your reply Croix!

oh wow, how ironic is that, sounds like a good book,

Maybe i should use that as why i use it instead of my huge fascination in the way of the Samurai.

Yes i must agree the things i worry about usually are the minor things in life and to be honest i was quite shocked with my boss's reply. usually you get nothing from him.
I think the main reason i am stressing so much about it is because i have only been there coming on 6 months and to be honest its not really a job i like... But i am one of those people that hates to disappoint others and then i carry that on my shoulders a lot as well and bottle up how i feel which is not good.

This is a new GP too only, she is really nice and caring, you can tell straight away. she did give me some meds for the time being to try bring my mood up but i must back it up with the psychology or they are useless so i will use that as some motivation to get me to these sessions.
I have a great partner who is extremely supportive and the same goes for my mum, really should use them for help a lot more.

I did a bit of reading on Video games when depressed etc and was shocked to read how much worse it made people when that's all they did so i think you are right on the money with using them together with other things to break it up.

Really appreciate you reply Croix, it feels so much better to actually talk about this issue with someone else that has or is going through the same problem.

Hate feeling like this, i used to be such an active person, always out of the house with friends and body boarding or doing my photography, now i just want to stay in bed.

i actually just slept for about 6 hours and just woke up, haven'thad a sleep like that for awhile now.

[Croix]

Dear Divinci~

I'm very glad you replied; incidentally I really appreciate your thanks, it makes me feel better - it also says something about your kindness.

Video games really are a most attractive trap. Accomplishment, limited(if any) interaction with others. All eventualities can be anticipated - a whole comfortable world without consequences. Quite the opposite of the real one, and the brain ends up only being able to deal with the game, not reality.

I think it great the way you are setting things up and have an understanding GP who is on the ball - did you say you were going to go to a psychologist too? I hope so. As for a supportive partner and family, that was one of the top reasons I got though to where I am today, in fact I probably would not be here talking to you without their love and support when I was in the pits.

I found that even if I could not explain exactly what was going though my mind the love and care was there - so maybe provided they realize it is not their fault (something my wife took a while to realize) then it will be fine. Why not get your partner to read The Facts menu above abut anxiety and depression?

With your job - you have one - even if it has a fair number of down sides it has to be better than the soul destroying merry-go-round with Centerlink and endless job apps. I would think it will work out ok.

Please don't forget to see how other people in the Forum have handled similar situations and illnesses to yours, it can help too.

I, and the others here, would like to hear more about how you go.

Croix

[Divinci]

Sorry for the late reply.. had an average day yesterday

Thank you Croix, alwyas try to be as kind as i possibly can.

I have been stuck at my PC for the last couple of days but stopping for awhile to just spend time with my partner to slowly start breaking up the habit of relying on the games so much.

These tablets i am currently on since two days ago make me feel pretty horrible though but the GP did say they will for the first couple of weeks. just hope they work.
Yes my GP gave me a referral straight away to go see a psychologist, she is trying to get me in as soon as possible.
That is great to hear that you also have a great supporting partner and family that helped you through it and so great you are on the better side of it all now, gives me hope! they definitely make a difference that's for sure!!
My partner struggled with really bad anxiety for quite some time so she definitely understands on that side of things, so that is extremely helpful.

I really must go have a read of some of the things on the forums it definitely sounds helpful
 

[Croix]

Dear Divinci

I'm glad you are talking with us -it will help you more and more as time goes on.

One thing you said did concern me, 2 days on the PC. You are an intelligent literate person, and I would really love you to use your talents to try to find other coping mechanisms. Yes I know, it can be hard. That does not mean no playing, it just means it becomes one in a whole quiver-full of coping mechanisms available when you need them. This is not an easy task, and it might take you quite some time, however it really is worth doing.

Sorry abut the nag - I promise not to mention it again.

It great news about your referral and the meds (note the generic terms being used here on the Forum) . Many medications can take a while to stabilize and start working. Patience and a willingness to work with one's medical team in tweaking as needed.

Yes I was pretty much a mess, now I'm under control (most of the time anyway) and have a job, accomplishment, loving family, the whole box of dice. Due to more modern treatments I'm sure you will be stabilized a lot quicker than I did. You have an excellent set of prospects nowadays, and your own sense plus family support makes it even surer.

You mentioned your partner's struggle with anxiety? Is she under treatment too? Things must be pretty stressful for her at the moment.

We all look forward to hearing how you're going

Croix