First time post, please help I’m struggling with depression

BlueArt · ‎19-03-2018

Hi,

so I’m 21 and seriously struggling with my mental health. I’ve never been this down in my life and I don’t know what to do. So some background I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I have probably had the symptoms for much longer. I originally started my uni degree in social work and I realised a few years in that this was a terrible decision and I moved onto law. I have been doing law for a year and a bit and I am now regretting it to. I am struggling so much with it and I have recently gotten a job in the field and I am terrible at it. My bosses hate me and think I’m really bad at the job. They have said things to me like “Maybe this job isn’t for you” “you just aren’t getting it” “you seriously need to pick up your game”. I feel so stupid because this was so important to me to get experience.

i feel like such a failure. I am not getting anything right. I am now thinking of changing to Human Resources.

i am just so depressed. I’m even losing my friends. They just don’t seem to get or care about what I’m going through. They would leave in an instant and not think twice about me. I know they would.

I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I am not good at anything, I’ve lost all ability to concentrate, I’ve lost my motivation, I’m sad and angry all the time and I just feel so stupid and dumb.

i don’t know what to do. I am just over everything and giving up.

PamelaR · ‎19-03-2018

Dear Blue Art

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. It's so good you've made your way to the website. The people here are caring and supportive. Others will respond over the coming hours and days.

I feel for you. Your current circumstances seem to make you feel sad and angry. Not such a good place to be hey. From the limited info you've given, I think you are a very high achiever. As such, you expect yourself to be the best. If you don't get distinctions or honours you're not doing well. Is that right? I ask that because I too was a 'high achiever', expecting nothing but honours or distinctions. It caused all sorts of anxiety and depression issues. Though at that time it was never diagnosed as that.

21 is a exceptional age. You are moving from teenage years to being an 'adult'. There are all kinds of expectations that others place on you as well as those you place on yourself. My thoughts are you need to be 'kind to yourself'. Give yourself some good times - do you socialise? What do you do? Party with friends? Go to nightclubs to listen to music?

Law is very intensive! I know because when I was doing my social sciences degree, one of my friends did law. I used to listen to her ongoing struggles to maintain her 'sanity'. But she did. It is a difficult time for you. All that reading and having to remember all those cases. Wow. You didn't say what year you're in. That will also have an impact.

Have you seen your uni counsellor? Have you seen your gp to discuss what's happening? Do you have someone to talk too, e.g. friends or family?

I'd really like to hear back from you so we know how you are getting on.

BTW- the BB home page contains lots of informative information about depression, anxiety etc. Might be good to have a look when you want to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

neliyeti · ‎19-03-2018

Hey there - BlueArt

the best thing about being 21 is that your brain hasn't finished forming the links and strategies you need to live in today's society so i get it that it seems really hard. It is hard. Until the mid-20's your brain is pruning, if you like, different synaptic links. it's firming in strategy the part of the brain that deals with consequence and decision making - that's why it's really hard to do that now. How do i know this? i'm a psychotherapist with depression. Depression is hard enough on the brain and then you have to consider your age/natural brain development. Try not to jump from one area to another without good consultation with Uni support counsellor. Talk to your lecturers and get external realistic feedback on your work in your law degree. Depression isn't permanent but just exceptionally tough to deal with - you are not alone and there are many of us who have had to deal with study and depression. Your firm might not be the type of firm you want to work with in the future anyway. There are ways forward. Look outside of yourself for help. Don't waste your time worrying about what others think or what they might or might not do - Don't put yourself under too much pressure - do you need to do the job? can you drop it while you are studying to reduce the stress you are under and to give you more time to focus on your learning?

You're not a failure - you're gloriously human and have much to offer this world. I really hope this post is of some help to you... the darkness passes, it really does

geoff · ‎20-03-2018

Hello BlueArt, I'm sorry that you have had a diagnosis of depression and anxiety and don't think you are a failure, mental illness is not something you asked for.

I would be taking a break from any study so that you can get the help you need because moving to Human Resources is sorted of related to Social Work, it's associated with contacting people in need or in difficult situations.

I would be booking an appointment with your doctor and if they refer you to a psychologist then I suggest you take up this opportunity.

Ask about the mental health plan as this will give you 10 free visits, but it's best that you like the psych so that you don't have any fear in opening up to them, then you willfeel comfortable talking with them. Geoff.