finding ways to enjoy my life again

[postagepaid]

I am 40, been married 8 years, I love my wife although sometimes it is challenging to get along, especially after kids. I have a full time job, two great healthy kids I adore (both boys under 5 ). I exercise regularly, I am fit, actually probably fitter than I have ever been, I drink moderately only socially, have a cigarette every now and then and try to eat well (no junk food save for the bag of chips every once in a while). I don't take drugs. I like my job although it does give me anxiety that I do not have a ongoing gig, rather a contract which runs out in 18 months.My wife is in a "permanent " job.

We moved to Australia 3 years ago, for work reasons. I have a small community of friends and colleagues I like. Our household income is good. We live in a nice house.

So this all sounds pretty good, right? So how come I cannot seem to enjoy any of it? I feel bad putting it this way, and it makes me very mad that I am such a fortunate person and I cannot find  way to enjoy it!  That has been bothering me for a while now. I have always been prone to anxiety, since I was much younger, and for a long time I dealt with it, mostly by drinking and going out. I no longer do that as the costs for me are way too high. Since having kids 5 years ago I have been dealing with some generalized level of depression and anxiety and this has had a massive impact on my life, and most of all my marriage. I have tried therapy - at least 4 times - to no avail yet. I am at intervals sad, angry, have no energy, low libido, low self esteem, no concentration etc. Also some self harm (not too serious).

I worked very hard through my teens and early 20s to develop a strong sense of confidence and it seems that in the last 5 years this has evaporated and I am going back to a state that I thought was gone - meaning feeling insecure, incompetent, inadequate with body image issues etc..I am always tired... my marriage is falling apart as a result. I have discussed this matter with my wife and I am going to try medication for the first time (have Dr. appointment next week).

I don't know what else to say really, except that as the title says I need to find ways to enjoy my life again before it all falls apart, we have worked very hard to be where we are and my mental health is ruining it I think.It's been a long 5 years.

[white knight]

Hi PP, welcome to BB forums

A while ago I wrote an article here called "what life's like at the end of the tunnell" you might find it on google. Another one I wrote was "when all else fails what can you do?- be radical" There are many other threads here to that might help.

Leaving the medical side as you are seeking an appointment soon (lots of praise there) there are many self help things you might want to try. Because I sense you need some kickstarting of your life and your marriage.

Perhaps you dont have a hobby or sport that you can focus on enough? Contentment is eluding you. Contentment comes in the form of satisfaction in all areas- affection, sexual relations, hobbies, sports, activities with the kids and spontaneity.

What if you told your little family on a Friday night that they were going to ride in a hot air balloon the next morning? or catch a ferry across the bay, go watch model airplanes at a local modelling club, an organised fishing trip (or to a fish farm where they WILL catch a fish) and so on.

There are always troughs in marriages. Seek your treatment, add some flair to your regulated lifestyle and dont forget the medication for loss of libido. You might not need it all the time but with the possibility of more medication for your treatment(which can often effect this) it will stop further hurtful times

Tony WK