Feeling trapped and frustrated

Bruce_Wayne · ‎01-07-2014

Feeling absolutely terrible at the moment, I'm behind on paying my parents board because I've spent my money on food and drinks, money which I received from centerlink. They're working hard and all I do is spend money on stuff that I want because I feel too stressed to work a job. I feel like my life is going no where at the moment, I'm 23 and don't have a diploma or any qualifications. Attempted 2 different TAFE courses, 1 of them twice. All of which I dropped out of because I felt overwhelmed and stressed by. I don't have a job and feel like I'll struggle to work one. I feel so stuck, despite trying to keep busy I feel like a direction-less spoilt brat who has been given everything and yet is still unhappy. I feel even worse though because I know feeling sorry for myself achieves nothing and I can't help feeling it. This makes me angry and frustrated at myself. I feel like I never learn, I never deal with this in a better way. I just sulk until things go my way because I feel powerless to actually do something about it.

Struggler · ‎02-07-2014

Hi Bruce

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

From what you described, it is clear that you have been suffering from depression for a long time and not know it.

Please find a sympathetic GP and begin treatment. He/she will also refer you to a psychologist. They'll come up with a health care plan to help you on the road of recovery.

We have some young sufferers here who were in worse condition than you but gradually their mental health has improved. So please don't suffer in silence anymore, it's been too long.

You can post on this forum as much as you like. There are a lot of us here waiting to read your concern.

Struggler

geoff · ‎02-07-2014

dear Bruce, Struggler is right, you really need to find a GP so that he/she will start the ball rolling for you.

Are you getting rent assistance from centrelink which you will be able to apply for, so either ring them up and wait an hour or so or go into an office and get the form, which you and your parents will have to sign, so that an extra amount of money is given to you.

Please get back to us. Geoff.

Bruce_Wayne · ‎02-07-2014

s for the replies guys.

I've dealt with depression for a number of year, seen a number of psychologists and am currently seeing a psychiatrist. Currently taking an antidepressant daily after trying courses of a few different medications. Depression runs in both sides of my family and my mother suffers from severe depression. Both my parents are social workers so I consider myself quite lucky. My head is just such a mess much of the time that it's hard to measure my progress.

CBT, ACT and self help have not helped a great deal and mindfulness training is ineffective for intrusive & obsessive thoughts.

I have difficulty distinguishing between my depression and my personal identity. I'm constantly asking myself what is laziness and apathy on my part and what is depression and anxiety. I keep getting the feeling that I'm just not trying hard enough and looking for an easier way through this life. Maybe I just find everything in life really trying or maybe I'm just looking for an excuse not to work hard. Either way I'm exhausted in feeling sorry for myself and being so self centered. My anxiety makes me personalise many things and it's tiring.

I will never give up on trying to better myself and beating this thing or at least living with it in some sort of chaotic harmony but after a number of years of dealing with this its just driving me mad as the

medication has boosted my mood a bit but I'm still struggling to get my life under control. I despise the idea of being a burden on my parents and despite their reassurances that I'm not, I feel like I am.

Some ttimes I feel so frustrated with my situation and my apparent apathy towards it that I just want to punch a hole in the wall.

Geoff, thanks for the reply, I'm currently on newstart allowance (job seeker). I was not aware that I would be entitled to rent assistance if I'm living with my parents. I will have to talk to centrelink. Cheers for the info.

Thanks for being so attentive to my post, it does make me feel heard.

Struggler · ‎07-07-2014

Hi Wayne

Just wondering how you are getting along.

To begin with, you have good parents who support and love you. Most people can only dream of. May I suggest you start by being kind to yourself? Instead of scolding yourself for every little thing you don't do, how about looking for the positive little actions you take. Start small, even being able to get out of bed is positive. Going outside for a walk is another. Slowly building up the little positives in your bucket list.

You'll improve if you stop being so harsh on yourself. In other words, don't be your own enemy.

Struggler

Bruce_Wayne · ‎10-07-2014

Hi Struggler, thanks for reply 🙂

I try to be kind to myself and forgiving but my mind laps around in circles and I have intrusive thoughts telling me I'm wasting my time, I'm going nowhere and that I am a burden on others .

I try letting the thoughts be but they persist repeatedly like one of those commercials that yells at you and flashes everything in big bold print (not that I'm hearing voices or seeing things). The thoughts are first developed by an anxiety and then compounded by depression.

Most of all I am so tired of being insecure about myself and my relationship with my girlfriend. She's lovely and reassuring and actually studying psychology (specifically anxiety and depression). I can't help but have intrusive thoughts about her with another guy or I start worrying I'm being too clingy that she won't accept me any more, that I'm going in circles while she's studying and learning and living. She means a lot to me and she's a very special person. I just wish I could put these insecurities aside and just live my life. I want enjoy the things I have now and I want to find work so I can move out - but with these day to day social anxieties and personal insecurities it's really difficult to make any noticble headway.