Feeling so lonely

[ypla]

Hi everyone

My name is Allen (not real name) and I found this forum through lifeline.

This is my first post here so please be kind if I've neglected any rules.

I'm going though major depression that I think is mainly caused by loneliness. I don't have any relatives or friends, and my anxiety kicks in when I see people going out with their friends and partners. I thought I'd fight my anxiety by being outdoors but it's causing more harm than good. Going out for a drink or meal makes me happy but I get weird looks when I ask for a table for one. It feels like they watch over my shoulder so I could finish up and just leave. I don't enjoy outdoors anymore. I'm almost 30 and never fell in love with someone that loves me. If I die, there is no-one to attend my funeral. I went to uni and I wished I could've found someone because it feels like I can't now. It just sucks. I'm scared of dying alone. Already stated having heart problems due to anxiety and stress. Every day feels like I'm grinding and grinding. My performance at work has almost diminished to zero. I've worked so hard to reach where I am now and now it feels like I don't have any purpose now. Please help me.

[Emmen]

Dear Allen,

Welcome to the forums. You haven't neglected any rules here, and I'm glad you've chosen to open up and share your story today.

Some of the experiences you describe sounds like me a few years ago. I used to go out alone as well and got really self-conscious because of all the weird stares and pitying looks. Eventually I learnt that the best way to deal with that kind of a situation was to just be brave about asking for that table, and then reading a book while sitting there. If there are no other customers, it's unlikely they'd ask you to leave.

I also joined a hobby group to combat my loneliness. Would you like to try that? Being with a group of people who liked the same things I did helped to make me feel like I was part of a community. I also made friends there.

As for love, it's tough, but don't be disheartened. Perhaps you haven't found the right person yet. You can only do that if you go out and meet more people, and in doing that, you already will feel less lonely.

Take care,
M

[ypla]

I've tried socialising through clubs etc at uni. Most of the time I just got ignored. I'm scared of trying out new things with other people because I have experience of being ignored. I feel like I don't belong to anywhere, to anyone. My self esteem is very low.

[Geekymumma92]

What are things you enjoy? Are there any groups or activities related to what you enjoy in your area? I would try there. Sometimes you find friends where you least expect it

[JT1]

Hi Allen,

Thanks for sharing. This is my first time interacting with this too. I read your post and I could see myself there. I know how it feels not to belong anywhere. I felt this all my life.

So please remember that you are not alone, although it feels like it.
As I write to you, I know im writing to myself too.

If I can share something, not long ago I got married. And although it is amazing to find someone to share your life with, it not always feels like that. I get ups and downs from my emotions. And I think it has nothing to do with my parter, these feelings are already in me, and I need to learn how to deal with them regardless of having my partner by my side.

Also some things that help me to deal with my lack of confidence with people are learning self love and self appreciation.

[ypla]

I went to a bar the other day because I usually feel really unsettling in those environments because I can't easily socialise. Alcohol might not be the best way to cure loneliness but it definitely helps me feel comfort.

I'm gonna try the rotary club in my area. The people in there are probably not of my age but it will give me a change to chat with senior citizens and hear their experiences.