Feeling sad everyday for different reasons.

[Hopeyqwe]

Have you ever felt like your brain is just finding reasons to cry everyday?

I remember the last time I had felt like this. It was in year 12, finishing school, where I was striving hard to get the right marks to get into an overseas university. And the stress was coming from the fact that I had really messed up in the past two years academically, and my confidence was shattered. I was surviving ONLY by the confidence and support of my family. And I can't tell you how much they took in to help me touch my dreams.

Fast forward to uni. I got to where I wanted to be. I got to the degree I wanted. I was studying. Making new friends. New Culture. Staying with my sister after 7 years. It was tough, no way am I gonna deny that. But I was happy, on a daily basis. I have vivid memories of walking out of the house every morning towards uni with a cool smile and fresh deep breaths, even if I had a hundred things to do that day. Even with the worst stress of my exams, I was still happy afterwards. I remember actually realising and telling myself that my life feels better than before.

Now it doesn't feel that way anymore. First of all, I think my loss of routine due to COVID has affected me more than I thought it would. But I think its more than that. I have this really shit gut feeling that I am not happy, on a general basis. And I can't exactly pinpoint why. Most of the times its about how I am not as accomplished in life as I thought I should be by now, and seeing all my peers race ahead... I know the grass looks greener on the other side, but I can't help looking at them. Another huge factor is my weight. I just can't seem to get rid of it and believe me I have tried a HUNDRED TIMES.

I have been crying almost everyday for weeks now. it's just SOMETHING or the other. One day its an argument with my sister. Next day I am feeling lonely. Next day I feel guilty for procrastinating. Next day I feel shit for eating mindlessly. It's always something or the other.

It is definitely affecting my motivation. I am still proactive enough to say, "Nope. Don't give up, you got this, you are strong you are amazing and you just have to focus on your goals", but I am pretty sure a lot of the times I am procrastinating because I don't want to face my problems.

And I have been told several times that I am an overthinker and overanalyser.

Does this seem like an overthinker's muse? Maybe because I am at home all day and somehow this monotonous living is getting to my head?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Hopeyqwe,

We're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight to share how you've been feeling. It sounds like this pandemic has had a really big impact on your wellbeing, and we're so sorry that you've been feeling so sad lately. But please know that our community is here to support you and we will get through this.

If you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. This website is regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.

Many of our members have felt similar and will be able to talk through these feelings with you.  If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this tough period.

 

[Nimi]

Hi Hop, welcome!

Reading your post... I can relate a lot to the things you are saying. It's truly a difficult position to be in and it's so hard once your brain starts thinking that way. I sometimes suffer from similar thoughts too, like not keeping up with the rest of the world or like I'm just not achieving enough.

This has bothered me for a long time and I am still working on it, but some of the best advice I have been given is that those expectations we force upon ourselves stem from... Well, us! And sometimes they are unrealistic or unfair. I think you are achieving more than you think. Now is a difficult time, so it's not a sign of failure if you feel you are struggling. I like to think of life like... sometimes we undertake mountains. We never really lose our progress up that mountain, and the surface isn't always easy terrain, but we are constantly stepping forward and that is a huge achievement in and of itself.

I believe in you, and as for procrastinating (I do that too!) maybe try writing a journal or plan? Might make it less scary!

Take care!

[josh1245]

hi hopeyqwe I can relate to you in so many ways I just joined today because I want to become involved with the community and like minded people like yourself I completely understand what you are going through as someone who has experienced depression and anxiety for many years I'm also an overthinker. I believe that our worst enemy's are ourselves are own inner demons and we forget our own potential we just need to find a good support system and remember how much our friends and family love us and see our potential. this is extremely difficult in these unprecedent times but look how far you achieved write all your achievement's on a piece of paper and put it on your wall because we seem to forget look at it and feel proud.

[Hopeyqwe]

Hey guys.

Thank you for your words. It really means a lot.

As a way to start fixing my issues one by one I decided to get my weighing scale working again, so that I can start to track what I am doing.
And man that didnt work out like I thought it would.
I put the new batteries in and I stepped on it.
I have never been this heavy before. I literally have crossed the overweight range to the obese range for the first time.
Its not like I havent weighed myself for years. I have been concious of my weight ever since I crossed the healthy BMI years ago. But to see myself cross another threshold of bad health despite trying on and off to deal with it....ugh I hate this.

I am a medical student. I have vowed to practice what I preach. If I can't get myself together and ensure that my body is healthy, then what right do I have to tell long term patients, with actual limiting clinical illnesses to watch their lifestyle?

To top it all off, my exams are so close. I can't focus on my weight even if I wanted to right now.

Just not feeling nice.