Feeling low after confrontation

[Clea]

I just had an awful experience with a business that charged me for a service they'd cancelled, which is music lessons for my daughter. The teacher quit and the business continued to charge me whilst my daughter didn't have any lessons. They told me to take my business elsewhere when I asked for a refund. Then told me they have great feedback so there must be something wrong with me, when I said I wasn't happy with their service . This has set me into feeling really low and right now I don't have the energy to pursue my refund or deal with this business. I know this doesn't sound like much but I have a lot on my plate and this was the straw that broke my back. Which is what happens to me. I'll be travelling along OK but really things are building up till it all overflows and then I struggle. Wondering if others have suggestions on managing this cycle and managing things when everything overflows.

[Rabbit33]

Hi Clea,

Firstly, you have every right to be upset and frustrated with that business if they have been continuing to charge you for a service that has not been provided. I'm pretty sure it is illegal, not just unprofessional. And whether or not they believe they have great feed back or not is besides the point. Just because they did right by someone else does not grant them permission to do wrong by others and think that it's justified. I would look into contacting the ombudsman that deal with this area of service directly. Make sure you have transaction dates and times. The more info you have available, the better they will be able to assist you. They should be able to advise you of what is expected from them and the best way of resolving the issue and hopefully getting you a refund.

If you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed out at the moment, maybe just sleep on it. Look into it further tomorrow or on Monday. I find that reacting to something when in the heat of the moment is never a good idea. Sleeping on it and addressing the issue when we're in a clear frame of mind, is much better and tends to work more favourably for us as we're constructive in our approach and not so angry.

Have you ever seen a psychologist before? it sounds like you let a lot of things build up, rather than dealing with things as they happen. I use to do this and then suddenly i'd break and fly off the handles and things wouldn't get resolved. Speaking with a psychologist may be able to address this with you and help work out why you let things bottle up and work through ways of dealing with this so that you don't find yourself in this situation too often. You can speak with your GP for a referral and may be able to get on the mental health plan which provides some free or cheap sessions.

Please let me know how you go with the ombudsman. If you can't find the correct body to contact, I don't mind also having a look and referring you to the correct website.

Have a lovely weekend! All the best!

[Clea]

Thanks Rabbit33. I do see a psychologist and find it very helpful. I usually go every 2-3 weeks but it's now been longer than that since I saw her, due to her taking leave. So I think that hasn't helped.

Right now I can't even think about ombudsman and have considered letting it all go but maybe after sleeping on it over the weekend I'll be in a better headspace to deal with it.

Thanks so much for your reply and advice x

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

I would compare the feeling you had during your exchange not unlike a police speeding fine or car breakdown when funds are low.

Except, there is one aspect of it that has affected you further- the injustice of it all.

Good honest citizens perhaps with more than normal sensitivity levels or depression or even stress will react far greater than normally when an injustice occurs.

Eg. In 1987 I issued 4 fines to a local politician for dog infringements. I was told by my superiors to turn a blind eye, I refused. Then the fines were withdrawn because "he's a mate of Council " See the injustice?

The verbal exchange that followed led to panic attacks. Mind you initially I was diagnosed with heart attack. So my whole world was turned upside down over a few dollars.

So, therapy followed and it truly helped me. He said "when are you going to stop saving the world"?. And "you are black and white living in a world of people of grey". I had to learn how to take things calmly.

So, in your case we live in an unjust world and rarely is justice served. You can attend a solicitor if that is your desire. (I believe the ombudsman is for complaints to Govt departments or personell), or you can wipe off the money as bad luck. Whatever you do, getting things into best perspective is an advantage for your health.

Secondly, time is a good healer.

Thirdly, get a distraction. Hobby, sport, kids activities

Fourth, talk about it. And attend your GP. Rabbit is spot on, a psychologist is ideal.

We cannot make right every wrong in life but we can train our minds to accept injustices as part of life as bad as it is. It's how calmly we tackle these issues that determines our happiness and that benefits our family indirectly

I hope I've made sense

TonyWK

[Rabbit33]

You're most welcome Clea!

if you're feeling anxious, maybe you could email your psychologist? I know that mine allows me to email her anytime i'm feeling really low.

Definitely sleep on it and see how you feel. Although if you decide to let it go, that can be relieving also. Sometimes, just making peace with it. Letting it go and moving forward is actually winning. Being the bigger person and not letting their opinions take a hold of you.

All the best! 🙂

[Clea]

Thanks TonyWK. You're right. It is the injustice that really gets to me. I am a very giving person and struggle to even comprehend people who are rude and unreasonable and unjust. Of course I know they exist and I've experienced dealing with people such as this many times before. I always struggle with it.

At the moment I am stuck between anger at the wrong done by me and feeling hopeless and depressed about it. The anger makes me want to do something to right the wrong and the depression makes me want to back away from it all. So I am having inner turmoil over it and bouncing between the two. I think it would be best for me to let it go and move on but the anger keeps surfacing.

I would love suggestions on dealing with anger as this seems to be where I am stuck.

[white knight]

Well Clea the anger management side of things, you can seek out therapy for it.

But a little time will heal it providing you take a different viewpoint on people.

People can be destructive, cruel, annoying and so on. Avoid those types at all costs.

But you wont be able to predict some of these people and you'll get hurt.

In this case, focus now on xmas and your family. They are priority.

TonyWK

[Clea]

Thanks TonyWK. I think it's not helping that my psychologist is on leave for two months. I do feel very lost without her to sound things off.

Saying that I am starting to finally feel a bit better. I took time out today to read a book I'm enjoying. And tonight took my kids to see Christmas lights. Then sat and wrote down all I feel like saying to this business, but may never actually say it / send it. I think this fight won't be worth the hassle and effect on my mental health but I realised I can still say what I wish I could say by writing it down

[Quercus]

Hi Clea,

You've had fabulous replies so far. My only thought was to check you've seen the ACCC website? They have templates for letters of complaint which you can use.

https://www.accc.gov.au/consumers/sales-delivery/non-delivery-of-products-services

This situation is illegal. They've taken money for services they aren't able to supply. I have lodged a complaint formally once for a service and the first thing they will ask is what have you tried to resolve with the company it first? Having complaints in writing is important. Verbal is hard to prove.

I think Tony has a helpful idea about considering letting it go. Everyone is different so it is important to stop and think about what you need.

For me speaking out is important. All my life I have avoided conflict and appeased others. Eventually that anger I kept burying had to go somewhere. My psychiatrist told me that in others it can eventuates in exploding and lashing out. But for me I implode and lash out at myself for being useless..

My point is sometimes for me conflict is necessary even if it feels draining and awful. I get angrier when I do nothing. For me it helps to force myself to take some form of action.

Your time and money are equally as valuable as any other client of this company. Them saying take your business elsewhere is fine but it doesn't change the fact that THEY are at fault and owe you a refund first. Ok so the music teacher quit. Not your problem. It is their job to provide another teacher or refund you so you can go elsewhere.

Anger isn't always a bad thing. There are jerks out there in the world who will keep on trying the same bullying tactics knowing they'll get away with it because people will avoid conflict.

Whatever works for you I hope you can feel a bit more peaceful xoxoxoxo

[Birdy77]

Hi again Clea (from other thread)😊,

I agree with Nat, what they have done is unfair and illegal. You entered into an agreement whereby you would pay them money for a service that they would provide. You upheld your end of the contract and they did not.

I agree with the others that sometimes it is necessary to let things go, but it's also important sometimes not to be bulldozed and have them walk all over you.

That being said, I come from a similar position as what Nat described, I've spent way too much of my life not standing up when I should have, so I do practice it a bit when I can now.

It's good you are writing out what you want to say to them (even if you don't send it) as it will fester if you keep it inside.

Wishing you calm.

🌻birdy