Feeling lost and worthless

[blackwidow]

Ive been unemployed for about a year now, and have been job searching but cannot seem to get a bite of anything!

So i am a personal trainer but left my job as the rent was too high and wasnt making any money from it, as much as i loved it and it made me happy, i had to stop it.

Since i quit, ive been back in a hole of depression. I got in a new relationship after ending one for 6 years, but i am being mistreated and used yet i cant break away because all that makes me happy is feeling comfort that i have somebody, even though i know i am being treated poorly. Im to weak to end it because illl feel even more alone. I my friends tell me they are there to talk to but when i tell them im lonely they dont make an effort to help.

When my parents see me upset they just want me to be on medication and everything will be ok, but medications dont help relationships and finding jobs, and i strongly disagree with it as i was on it for 2 years and made it worse.

So im stuck in a hole, i cant sleep, try to exercise but have no appite so i feel weak in the gym. Ive put on weight because of my relationship which is why i am hesitant to get back into personal training because i hate myself. I feel alone, i feel im not moving forward and im still living at home, all my family pity me and my boyfriend makes me feel like im a lazy idiot.

Ive lost all confidence in myself and the only time i was happy was personal training, talking to new people everyday, but im stuck at home with no interaction and no money. I do art which is a strong passion of mine, but of course no jobs in that.

Its a recipe for disaster and i have no idea what to do anymore.

[Doolhof]

Hi Blackwidow,

Welcome to the community here. It seems like you have a few issues. Can you write them all down on a piece of paper then write down next to them what is good about each situation and what you would like to change. Then consider what you can change, what is achievable and how you would go about it.

My friend is a personal trainer. She has her ups and downs and times of business and quieter periods. She does classes in places like Church halls where the costs are lower. Could you consider other options for classes?

Maybe you could aim to attend the gym 3 times a week, try to get your diet back into healthy choices and work on those two things to start with.

When we try to change everything at once it can feel overwhelming. Break things down into manageable stages.

Sometimes we feel like we are on a roller-coaster, we just need a way to get off and to start again.

Try and make one positive change and see what you can achieve.

Cheers for now from Dools

[Alexlisa]

Hello blackwidow,

I can really hear that sense of hopelessness that you're feeling. It sounds like a very tough situation and I'm really glad that you reached out here as there are lots of people who will be able to relate.

You said that "medications dont help relationships and finding jobs", and you're right in a way and I can understand your hesitation, because I've had similar thoughts. I always fought taking meds. But my psychologist told me that meds aren't about fixing things like getting a job, its about helping build motivation to do the things that you're finding too hard at the moment (such as eating, exercising), so that you are more likely to succeed at reaching that goal of a job, etc.

For me it's making connections with people. I have almost no one in my life and it is something I really want to change, but feel too anxious and depressed to even bother trying. I just sit at home alone, wishing I had someone to talk to. At the moment my psychologist is pushing me to change my medication to something that might work a bit better in lifting my mood, so that I can find the motivation to push myself to do the hard things that could make me less isolated. Like leaving the house, joining a club, having a coffee with someone, etc.

I hope this makes sense. For some people it's very hard to agree to take meds, but I see my psychologist's point and feel like I'm stuck in this hopeless rut that I can't get myself out of through willpower. I've had some meds that didn't help and others that did. It's of course entirely a personal choice though. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in thinking this way.

Take care,

Alexlisa x