Feeling limited by bipolar disorder

Loula · ‎19-07-2016

Does anyone feel limited by their mental disorder?

I have bipolar and feel very limited due to it. I find that I always need to be in my head when I'm with people so I act in a normal behaviour so they don't suspect I'm not well. I find when I'm going on a high or a low I tend to hide myself from people. Well actually on a high I just be friend strangers because I don't care what they think lol!

I find that I'm struggling with work and the hours and that I'm not going to advance in it. I find myself taking lots of toilet breaks so I can breath. I'm worried if I do get a promotion I will snap and the be known as the girl with the mental illness.

I find I can't have a hobby or study because I get so board and distracted easily. One day I want to plan events the next day I want to be a doctor.

I'm just really over zero stability and having to really be in my head and watch all my steps making sure I'm healthy. I just wish I could live life with out this annoying thing.

Loula · ‎03-08-2016

Hi guys. Not feeling that much better. Zero appetite with hard core reflux. I'm just having small snacks through out the day. I made myself very ill and upset my belly and got a server migran. Work yesterday was so hard. And this staff member just kept talking at me. She was doing my head in my mates knew I was sick and kept calling her over to help them. I can't tell anyone at work about it as I signed a form saying im don't have mental illness. I also don't want them knowing. They are super nice and will treat me different. I don't like been treated different.

Ive taken the day off today to sleep in darkness and sleep of my migran and just breath before it gets super busy. I like to big work load. Even though it scares me I love planing it out and getting it done. It makes me feel really good inside once it's done. It's like I looked that big task in the face that's scary and beat it. I know I can do it I've done way bigger tasks it's just hard when your falling apart.

My husbands been really good and by my side. He's been staying up with me and just talking and taking me on drives along the beach as it's calming.

Hopefully after my my massive sleep. I'm going for 15 hours I'll wake up feeling better.

james1 · ‎04-08-2016

Hey Loula,

Oh that's really sad to hear about your day yesterday. Have you seen your GP as well about your inability to hold food? It sounds like you're really stressed, and I don't know if any medication could help here.

How are you feeling today? Are you any better?

Ah I know that feeling of wanting to feel like you've achieved something big. I'm the same but I feel like, while I'm feeling really vulnerable right now, I need to stop expecting myself to be able to perform at the same level that I used to. So I've tried cutting down on the workload. I'm sure you've got a good idea on what you can handle at the moment, but please be careful of overworking yourself. Sometimes it's better to just to be easier on yourself for now, so you can recover faster.

Your husband sounds really amazing. I'm glad you also have support nearby to help you out.

James

Loula · ‎05-08-2016

Hey,

Ive seen doctors for years about my stomach and not being able to hold food or have zero interest in it. It's all stress based and not much they can do but drug me up which I got years supply off.

Im not that much better. Just feel dead inside.

I can't say no at work because I want to be in a better position then I am. So I'm really working hard at it.

james1 · ‎05-08-2016

Hey Loula, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling pretty terrible. Have you had a chance to get out with your husband recently? Perhaps you two could go get something nice for dinner some time this weekend and go for a drive. It might not help, but it certainly won't be worse.

Sounds like you're a bit of a work-a-holic like me! I was studying and working full time at the beginning of the year. Little surprise that my relationship fell to pieces, as did everything else, aha.

I'll be completely honest: I'd love to tell you that it sounds like your work-life balance is a bit too skewed towards work at the moment, but I absolutely understand where you're coming from. I am very impressed by your drive and determination, I just hope you can afford to give yourself a little bit of a breather.

Hugs

James

Kazzl · ‎06-08-2016

Hi Loula and James - just saying hi. Don't have much to contribute other than to say yep, I understand, I'm much the same.

Hey Loula I hope your big sleep the other day helped. That's my go-to therapy when things get too hard. And I'm really good at it - I could sleep for Australia if it was in the Olympics.

I know a lot of doctors say try not to sleep too much when you're depressed but I think that's just text-book advice. Sleep works for me. Only problem is when you have to work so hard during the week you often have to lose some of your weekend in bed, but I've accepted that.

Hope you're feeling better today and have a good weekend Loula. And James, you are a treasure. Hope you're feeling OK mate.

Kaz

Loula · ‎12-08-2016

Sorry for the Late Reply. I've just been sleeping. Having a really really bad few weeks. Everyday is getting worse. I decided today I can't do bipolar with just a positive attitude. I went to the doctors and now back on medication which I hate but I want to succeed in life

Kazzl · ‎13-08-2016

Hi Loula, sorry to hear it's been so hard for you lately. I hate being on medication too, but for me it's necessary. I really hope it helps hun. I probably don't need to tell you this, but just in case ... stay well hydrated, know that it will take some time to kick in, so try to be patient, and you might need to get the dose adjusted, and be sure to read the pack or talk to your doc about possible side effects. Better to be forewarned ...

I hope your weekend is better hun and you can do something you enjoy. I'll be thinking of you.

Kaz

Loula · ‎14-08-2016

Oh man the side effects!!!! This sucks! I feel so sick but I'm going to give them a few more days. I know it's not to dangerous unless I can't keep fluids down by Tuesday.

Hopefuly I don't need to re adjust them. I was fine on them before with no side effects really but body's change.

Be good when I start to feel more stable emotionally. Work has decided to be crazy and I'm in different departments daily while the re shuffle me. Then yay I get a new boss and new people. I hate change lol

Kazzl · ‎15-08-2016

Morning Loula - just want to wish you a good day today. Hope the nausea settles. I had that too for a few days after starting lithium, but it passed. Be nice to yourself 🙂 I hope work is OK - big change is always hard but sometimes it works out well, I hope that's the case for you.

Cheers

Kaz