Feeling hopeless...

[jobe]

Hi my name is "Jobe" i am a mother of 3,youngest being 15,i'm 42yrs old my health has always been a issue in my life but have always struggled through due to the responsibility of being a mum ect,lately things have been terrible in the last year my youngest was diagnosed with Diabetes type 1 which has been a struggle in itself & i have started going through nasty change of life issues bringing on major loss of weight,anxiety,depression,seizures although i am young for this it's happening,i've had limited help from the health system here as i live in rural vic i have to wait 7mths to see a specialist meantime trying to get in & see GP's up here......GOODLUCK!! sometimes having to wait 2wks to see someone when i tell them i've had a seizure which all just contributes more to my anxiety they have put me on a hormone leveler but that has almost sent me over the edge i am either crying or wanting to scream,the only time i leave the house is to go to the supermarket or the doctors. I cant work as i'm a chef & who wants to hire a chef who has fits,emotionally unstable & half the time physically ill? I get only the very basic help from the goverment they still want me to work even though i have been told not to drive & i live 30kms out of town. When i spoke to my GP at the start of the week i went in with a list of how i was feeling which is very un-me & left 10 mins later scratching my head,i dont think i would commit suicide but with how up & down my hormone & emotions have been i have been doing things completly out of character & struggling with my feeling & frustrations. I feel so alone,hopeless lost. I want to get in my car n run away. I have always faced my demons but holy moley dont know how anymore & losing the will to care about basic everyday life & my responsibilities which i am hating myself even more if thats even possible my GP seemed unconcerned with this. This is all too much for a first introduction sorry,just want the constant worry,sadness,anxiety,anger,fear to subside a bit i need to be back at work & being a happy & healthy roll model for my children. thanks for listening to me

[SeanM92]

Hey Jobe, 
Welcome to the forum,
Really sorry to hear about your situation,
You have done very well to hang in this long, it shows your a super strong women and already being a super roll model for your children, showing them that life isn't always easy and it takes a strong person to get through it like you have been.
Its normal to feel as down as you do in the situation your in, my mum actually has a similar medical history.

Have you thought about seeking out a counselor or therapist? if they are available in your area that is.
Also, something i thought of was maybe taking in a medical certificate or letter from your GP stating your condition and taking it to you local government office so maybe they will understand whats going on better and ease off a little.

Stay strong, your doing an amazing job.

[Guest_1055]

Hello jobe

You just sound so overwhelmed with everything, and I am so sorry that you do. I long to do advise you, but I don't know how. But I can relate to many of the feelings and emotions that you are having. And I actually did run away in my car, just took off. I did this many times trying to get away or escape from the struggles, because for me it felt just too heavy. I just wanted to tell you that, because I do know what it feels like. And I was hoping you may feel less alone in all this stuff that you are dealing with.

Anyway I just want to say a welcome hello, and give you a hug, that is if you like hugs. 

Much love

Shell xx

[Mares73]

Dear Jobe thankyou for reaching out to us & sharing some of your painful thoughts. I can relate in some ways as I have an 11yr old son & 16yr old daughter & like you I've put everything I have into being there for. My kids. While you have 3 & I have 2, I also have a husband with acute leukaemia. I know well that feeling of wanting to run or even switch my mind off for a while.

it must be terribly hard not being able to access support. Most places do have an acute team so you could ask hospital about a visit from them or give beyond blue a call as they know all the resources out there.

you have also described symptoms of depression which I too can relate to-avoiding situations, not leaving house, feeling anxious worried & hopeless. We will do all we can to support you here. But I also think you need to find out your closest mental health acute team which are usually associated with hospitals. If they know your really struggling I'd have hope they will come visit & assess you. Did your GP suggest medication? Antidepressants can be a life changer once you find the right one.

you are so critical of yourself & have high self expectations which if you can't meet turn into a sense of failure. That's the depression. We need to get you help to cope with all that's on your plate.

Do you think you could ph your nearest hospital & say you need the CAT team. Also please try ease up on yourself. You are a fantastic mother & so much more. I think I'm also hearing that you need a break. Are you completely isolated or do you have anyone close who could help you out-even to get you out of the house for coffee.

How are you today? Please stay in touch. We really care.

mares X 

[jobe]

Thank-you Sean for your support,it does help to know that i have somewhere to talk about how i am feeling as i often feel so isolated,to know there is some who care's it's greatly appreciated. Sometimes i can express myself but often i find myself keeping to myself so i don't feel i am a burden to or on anyone. I am trying to put everything into motion so i can get better but find it very hard by so many factors,often getting more depressed by the lack of support,my in-ability to drive & rely on others when you live rural is difficult lack of help or being able to see a doctor on a regular basis all helps me go back on the downward spiral.I guess just sick of being sick i am trying to set small goals each day to do but alot are getting throw in the gunna pile & it's getting rather large,sorry rambling again. Thanks again

[jobe]

Thank-you Mares your words meant alot i cant even imagine how hard things would be for you,my ex's father had the same we had a bone marrow match thankfully but it is heavily in his side of the family it is a huge burden for you to bare your a wonderful person helping & advising others when you have such a cross to bare yourself. I wouldn't call a CAT team as i had to do that to my mother when i was 16 not a pleasant,i am a sole parent now so i wouldn't be able to do that as they would probably lock me up for quite a while & someone has to be responsible for my children they don't need to come home n find they have the DHS waiting for them as their mum has been locked up. I have to help myself that's why i am here hopefully sharing some of my crazy thoughts with others will help me feel a little less nutty. Sometimes i want to talk but mostly i keep to myself my 2 closest friends 1 has just had major back surgery & lives 200kms away & my best is have her other breast removed next week so i really don't think or feel it right to burden them with my issues when they need me to be there for them,to support,listen & help them with the major issues they are facing mine seem so insignificant so no my friends are not really a option at the moment they need me more. With this i send all my best for you & your family as you all need as much positive vibes,wishes & thoughts need to be sent your way. Thanks again Mares today is like most i set a couple of basic things to do today to get myself back on the motivation train. X

[jobe]

Thank-you Shell for your lovely welcome and your hug. My biggest struggle at the moment is waiting on specialist appointments April for my female issues & July for the seizures it's feels like a lifetime away my days go so so so slow,i worked over 20yrs as a chef & 3yrs with the coroners courts so used to high paced,demand work and now being stuck at home unable to drive relying on the good will of others to pick me up & take me where i need,when your a very independent person this is crippling emotionally & physically. I am always the 1st to offer help but the last to ask if i even do been known to go without just because i hate to ask for help.....It took 12mths to write something finally here,thanks again for caring. X