Feeling down at my new job and not getting better

[MyThoughts]

Hello,

I'm new here and this is my first post, and I feel I need to get this off my chest.

I'm a fresh uni graduate and have just started my first full time job in media and I'm now three months in. This isn't a job I wanted but it was the only place that offered me something, and being a desperate graduate, I took what I could get. Although it's not what I wanted, I figured it would be a foot in the door and I can gain some professional experience, and who knows, maybe it might exceed my expectations.

Even though I kept an open mind, this job has been more of a disaster than I thought. Ever since my first day, I have felt like an invader on the team that I work. Although most people are friendly and occasionally chatty with me, I get a very strong vibe that I'm unwelcome. This has been documented numerous times where everyone has gone out in a group to lunch and I didn't receive an invite. Other times I have been invited and I'd say I'll quickly go toilet, and they've all walked off and left me behind and I can't find them. And other times I have gone to sit with them at lunch and the mood very quickly drops and everyone stops talking. Even the other night after work, everyone went out for drinks afterwards and I had no idea. It wasn't until I bumped into them in the lift and another person I didn't know asked me to join, but a few people on my team didn't even acknowledge I was even there.

The girl I report directly to is extremely patronising and has gone behind my back to say things to my manager that she could pull me up on herself and simply say, "please inform me next time", for example.Her patronising and condescending emails to me often have my manager and director CC'd in them so she appears like she's being a leader, but it leaves me feeling awful about myself and makes me doubt myself and my worth.

I was really hoping that considering this isn't a job I was genuinely seeking that the people I work with would make it feel worth it. But everyday I feel miserable, and even on weekends I am constantly thinking about work and it's already taking a toll on my mental health. I stress too much, I always feel down, and I dread waking up every morning. But I'm worried quitting would look bad on me, considering the advertising & media industry in Australia is tiny and everyone knows everyone.

Any advice on what to do would be massively appreciated.

Thank you!

[White_Rose]

Dear My Thoughts

Hello and welcome. Thanks for telling us your story. It seems to me you are being bullied at work. That is not on. Obviously you cannot discuss with your supervisor but you can go to the manager. If the supervisor copies emails to your manager she must be feeling pretty confident. However this is not necessarily so.

So what to do. Can write down all of the incidents you have experienced and keep a record of any others as they occur. Make an appointment with the manager and explain what has been happening and how it makes you feel. You can find a definition of bullying on line under your state legislation. Read it and see how closely it follows the pattern of bullying you have been experiencing. Keep the emails your supervisor sends you, print and take them with your notes to your manager.

Bullying is a serious menace to society. There is a gradual groundswell against this behaviour but mostly aimed at school bullying. Workplace bullying doesn't get the same air time. That's OK we need to protect our children, but adults can be bullied with disastrous results.

You should probably start looking for another job. I hate to say this but even if action is taken about your supervisor the workplace will be uncomfortable for a while. It should not be like this but the battle against bullying has only started in the past ten years or so. It is mean, vicious, demoralising, and illegal.

Please let us know how you are going.

MAry

[blueskye]

Hi MyThoughts,

I'm super sorry to hear that your colleagues are being mean.

I understand that you have done nothing wrong but maybe try to be in their good books. Even though they are being mean to you, show them kindness and friendliness, but don't overdo it or it will look like you're trying too hard. Maybe give out a few genuine compliments and/or bring in a cake for the office to show your gratitude for getting a job there.

If they are still being mean and you don't want to change jobs, next step is to approach HR and explain your situation.

If neither of the above works or if you don't feel comfortable approaching HR - do consider looking at other jobs, as Mary suggested above. Your mental health is much more important than being in a job that makes you unhappy. You also meet the qualifications as you have gotten your current job.

Quitting does not look bad. 3 months is fine, employers may think you were there on a temporary contract even. I can confirm that I have jumped around in several jobs, but people still hire you because you have experience. You have now added that media job to your resume.

Best of luck x

[CBU]

Dear MyThoughts,

Please please please consider moving on to another opportunity, no work place is worth you these feelings.

A long time ago I worked for a company in a team that felt like this for me. I stayed there for 7 years before it finally broke me down. I decided to leave and start again from the bottom.

i ended up in a call centre (a job most people look down on) the job was hard but there is nothing like the people who I found there. They became my family and I’ve now been there for 4 years.

What you are experiencing is a culture that comes from the leadership down. Please consider getting yourself out of there, you are not the problem, they are and they should be ashamed at how they are making you feel.

[Juliet_84]

Hi MyThoughts,

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, and at your first job no less! I once had a similar workplace situation, except I had left a job that I loved and had worked at for 7 years for my new job. The pay and location were great, but I remember walking into the new team the first day and no one even acknowledged my existence, they would go out to lunch without me, let the door slam in my face on the way to meetings, it was horrible. I remember catching the train home one day and I sat down next to a young Down syndrome woman and she turned and gave me the most beautiful smile and asked me how my day was, I just burst into tears and sobbed, it had been the first time someone spoke to me that day. I told myself that I would stick it out a year so as not to ruin my CV but I ended up quitting after 3 months. I walked in and told them to shove their job and walked out with no job lined up. I figured I’d take my chances. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that approach as it’s your first job lol, but I would start looking for new jobs. Don’t put this one down on your CV, and explain to them (once you have another job lined up) that you just don’t feel that you’re the right fit for the company. They should understand that and if not, sod them!