Feeling completely alone and like giving up

[mc1622]

This is my first time since I was a kid that I've tried to reach out but I'm at the point where I know I need to talk to someone. I moved to Australia 2 years ago from Canada and it seems like a constant struggle since day one. I gave up everything I had back home to be with my partner here and although I love him very much, it's becoming extremely overwhelming. I haven't met any friends, his family and I don't get along although I have tried everything and it's become a wedge between us. I recently lost my job leaving me with zero income with adult responsibilities still to pay for, found out that my partner (after a year and a bit of being here he finally decided to come clean after being confronted numerous times) had cheated on me 3 times when we lived together in Canada and he lied to me about everything. I feel completely isolated and alone and when I get upset I need to walk away to avoid massive blow outs. I have pre existing depression and anxiety and it's increasingly getting worse every day. Sometimes I will just start crying and not have a reason that I can explain to anyone to have them understand. I have no one to talk to and feel like every time my partner and I try to discuss anything, it's turned around on me that I'm the one with the problem. It's hard enough to make friends as an adult but I feel with my anxiety that it's next to impossible. I've always felt like I'm a strong individual but inside I'm struggling to survive. I have next to zero trust in any one due to previous abuse (multiple types) from friends and family as a child continuing on to adulthood. The current relationship trust issues are extremely hard to get over. I feel hard headed in trying to stick up for myself but am always brought down and made to feel like it was my fault somehow. I feel like after losing my job (I have been looking non stop for a new one), that I am worthless and can't contribute to anything that I'd like to and that I'm just a burden. My defence mechanisms have become anger I guess...I get so upset when I feel like I've been wronged and in my head it clicks in to "well, why did you trust them anyways?" and I get angry with myself that I let it happen. I don't know where to start to deal with any of it other than to write it down like I have here...and if anyone does reply, than it's an added bonus haha

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[Beltane]

Sorry. It's called Acceptance and Commitment therapy ( not commuter therapy!) very sorry for the typos, I'm on my iPad and it likes to autocorrect or do other weird things, hope it's not too annoying for you to read!

The most common type of therapy is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and is based on learning how to change negative thoughts "I can't cope" to more realistic thoughts "it's difficult and I'm uncomfortable but I'm ok, I'm coping ok".

acceptance and commitment therapy is about chaning how you react to negative thoughts - so when the thought "I can't cope" comes into your need, you learn to not engage with it. You don't argue, or fight, or get scared. It's just a story- just random words- it only had the power they you give it. So ACT is all about not giving it that power- you "diffuse" it through strategies you learn, so eventually you get the thought "I can't cope" or whatever thought it is, but it doesn't bother you or distress you in anyway- you just acknowledge it as one of many stories that aren't necessarily true, and you go on with your day. I love it.

different styles work for different people 🙂

[Beltane]

Oh oh oh! I just remembered! Some reputable mental health companies offer free online CBT and other therapy courses! I think there's a list on BeyondBkue somewhere of places that offer them.

 i can personally vouch for MindSpot Clinic. MindSpot.org.au . You ring them and tell them how you're feeling so they can assess if you're right for the course (they might wish you to get a doctors ok before starting just to make sure it doesn't clash with anything else your doctor wants to do) but they start a new course every few weeks, it's totally free. It's all online on your computer and you get a new "assignment" each way- like coping techniques, strategies you can work on, things to learn. I die the first week and found it very good, full of fantastic info.

the only reason I didn't finish the course is because it's based on CBT therapy and my psychologist was worried it would clash with the ACT therapy I was learning with her (they're very different) so I dropped out to focus on the ACT

[mc1622]

Thank you so so much Beltane!! I have looked in to some of it and am excited to start on something 🙂