Feeling alone

sydney2012 · ‎10-05-2015

Hi, I guess this is my attempt to reach out as I feel like I'm even lacking the energy to begin the process to get a referral for help. Just feeling so very alone, and isolated, sad, guilty, and scared about how dark my moods have become.

I moved to Australia from the U.S. nearly three years ago with my Aussie husband and two children. We left due to financial issues and lack of a job for my husband and were thankful to have a new start here with a job for him.

To make a long story short, there are other issues but since our move we have had a lot of family hostility waiting here for us and they've let me know they never wanted us here, my Dad, back in the U.S. has passed, and I have spent months getting my son the help he needs for his autism related issues. Now our daughter is being diagnosed with autism and is not doing well. I felt exhausted before her issues became severe and now feeling like it's a huge mountain I can't climb again.....but I will as I have to for her. The few friends I had made here have taken a big step back in seeing how overwhelmed I have become and there are no offers of help or support, just silence. As a result of the stress, my husband and I are not doing well now. I feel, firstly guilt......because I know lots of people have it lots worse and who am I to complain about our lot. Also because I feel like an absolute failure as a mother and wife. Our house is in chaos, I struggle to keep the kids ready for school each day, get homework done and everything else. I have completely lost myself in that in keeping up with the kids needs, I just do not have the energy to get myself showered and looking presentable every day, I'm ashamed of it but the energy just is not there. I have gone from sadness and crying all the time to just feeling empty and flat. All I want to do is give up and disappear and if not for my kids I would. I do think what a relief it would be to end things or to just have that plan as a back up and it scares me that my moods have become so dark.

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Jacko777 · ‎11-05-2015

Hi sydney2012,

I am glad you have posted, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, you will get lots of support and advice here. Please do ring the BB phone service any time. I am sad to hear how you are feeling, you have a lot on your plate and with some professional support you could really improve the way you are feeling.

Can i say, having 'that plan as a backup' is no longer an option. You can find the strength you need to never go down that path, with the help of a doctor or a counselor. Your dark moods can be changed by taking some small steps on a new path to recovery. And you obviously love your family dearly and they are your motivation to make this happen. Forget about feeling guilty for those that have it worse, you are in a tricky situation and you deserve help and support as much as anyone.

You are not a failure mate, you have some challenges to work through, that is all. Don't worry about the house for a while, don't worry about looking presentable, all that matters is that you start on a new journey of mental health recovery. To do this you will need professional advice to ensure you are taking the right steps. Please keep us posted, much love to you and your family.

Jacko

White_Rose · ‎11-05-2015

Dear Sydney 2012

Thank you for your post. Welcome to the Beyond Blue community, where everyone has their story and where no one is more or less deserving of help in their lives.

It's so sad your husband's family are not more welcoming and supportive, but now you have identified this you can look at other options of support. You have a number of issues to contend with so I would like to endorse Jacko's suggestion of getting some professional support. First stop is your GP, whom I suspect you will know quite well due to your children's medical condition.

Book a long appointment with the GP for when the children are at school. Discuss all the issues you have described above. In fact it may be easier to copy the post and print it out to take with you. Your own health is of primary importance and first cab off the rank. I have just been talking to my GP who has told me to look after my own health and nothing more until I have recovered from the bad patch I am going through.

I have no idea what help is available for people in your situation but the GP should know. You may be eligible for CentreLink benefits and could use the money to employ someone to clean your house. Or there may be other services that provide a home help for little or no cost. These sorts of things will take away some of stress and frustration caused by an untidy house.

I know it does not sound a lot but coming home to a fresh and tidy place is a great morale booster.

Can your husband help you in the mornings to get the children ready for school? Can he cook tea when he gets home? I know it seems a bit unfair when he has been working all day, but so have you.

You say you should not complain because others are worse off. It would be hard to find a more difficult situation than yours. But that is all irrelevant. You are in your situation and others are in theirs. Comparison is pointless. You don't get or deserve help because you have more difficulties than someone else. Everyone needs help so don't trivialise your own need. It's just as valid.

Is there a local autism support group? Again your GP should know this. Put Autism Support Groups in your search engine and explore the options. There is heaps of support out there and it is good when you can talk with others who have the same difficulties. It will give you a social outlet of sorts, a safe place to vent and ask for help.

Continue to write in here as well if this helps. We are always here to listen and talk.

Regards
Mary

sydney2012 · ‎13-05-2015

Thanks so very much for your kind words & encouragement. I guess this is what I'd call hitting rock bottom lately & I know I need to get myself help. I'm going to get in to my GP.

Can I ask those who have/are dealing with depression, is it your experience that when you really need caring people in your life & support....it just isn't there? I'm not sure if my own depressed mood is affecting how I see things but am so very hurt that the friends I've always given help to or checked on in their own rough patches, are not there, can't be bothered to call or text & say how are you doing, how's things. I think it's that feeling of isolation just makes the depression so much worse. Even a fellow autism mum I've met a while back only seems to call when she needs something from me. It hurts.....a lot. Thank you for the suggestion of the autism support group & I'll have a look for one nearby.

Thanks for the encouragement, it does help.

geoff · ‎13-05-2015

dear Sydney, it's never easy to move to a new country, although the initial thought is that it would be another great start, unfortunately problems do arise.

The federal government previously did offer help, so google this and it's something that you might have already, however 'child autism help', and in there is a site to open by 'the dss.gov.com.au', but as the government is always changing budget's and policies you would have to contact them.

The council have cleaner's that they offer to people to clean your house on a regular basis, they only charge a very small fee.

Please let us know how you get on, as this site is not just a one-off, it's a place to vent at any time, or post whenever in need of help. L Geoff. x

Jacko777 · ‎13-05-2015

Hi sydney2012,

I am glad you have replied and also very glad you are seeing your GP, this is the start of a new journey for you, to peace and happiness, which of course is always a journey and not a destination.

To try and answer your question, yes, I find that most people find it difficult to deal with the depression or anxiety of friend or loved one. The friends you have helped in their time of need are lucky to have you, perhaps you are in the minority of people who can do this. I try not to take it personally, and find compassion for those that struggle with their ability to deal with these matters.

By the way, there is some care and support for you...US! We actually do care about you, we have much hope that you can grow to be able to find peace and happiness. Geoff, Mary, myself and others will see every post you make and share in your pain and joy, you are not alone anymore.

And yes, I think your depressed mood would be affecting your desire to be supported. It is possible that you have a heightened desire for support yet less ability to communicate. In other words, have you told people you would like some support?

All the best at the GP, keep us posted, love to you.

Jacko