family insults me and making my depression worse

Giggyy · ‎13-04-2023

My family is a very badly blended family and almost every day my stepmother and step-sister insult me about everything: my appearance, my hobbies, my autism, etc... and it is really making my depression worse because they affirm all of my own negative self-talk, to the point where it is making me suicidal. How can I deal with this level of constant bullying? I just hide in my room all the time (i won't even leave to get food or water sometimes) because i try to avoid them as much as i can, but the dinner table is where they just rip me apart every night, and my dad doesn't do anything about it. they call me "disgusting", "unlovable", "lazy", "ugly" and [r- slur] etc... (you get the idea lol). what can I do? I cant even try to recover from my depression because they keep making it worse. i don't really have any friends, and i don't like to talk to the 2 friends i do have about it because i don't like to put my issues on them (its not fair on them to hear me complain).

Bob_22 · ‎14-04-2023

Hi Giggyy,

Thanks for your post. It sounds like you are in a very toxic environment. I understand it must be tough only having two close friends that you can confide in. I'm the same as you in that I only have a few close friends that know about my depression but I don't like to burden them with my issues. I learned though, that close friends are usually happy to support you through your worst times and they will generally let you know if they think they are being burdened or overwhelmed. So don't be afraid to reach out.

Regarding the bullying, obviously the best thing to do would be to remove yourself from the environment which you are trying to do. 1800 respect has some good information about healthy relationships and family violence. I would definitely recommend checking them out here: https://www.1800respect.org.au/violence-and-abuse/domestic-and-family-violence They can provide some counselling and advice on what to do as well.

Also, if you ever are in crisis or just need someone to talk to feel free to contact the counsellors anytime here at BB by going to https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor

Hope this helps and keep us updated.

Bob

Giggyy · ‎14-04-2023

thank you for taking the time to respond 🙂

i don't think my situation quite qualifies as abuse but ill still have a look at the resources you sent, thanks. i do talk to the counselors here a lot, its really helpful. my friends are really sweet and they have helped me through a lot, i know they wouldn't be mad at me or anything for talking to them about it, but for some reason its really hard for me to talk about my problems... im sure that being told im selfish, when i was growing up has impacted that, i always just want to please everyone around me even if its detrimental to me

Bob_22 · ‎18-04-2023

Hi Giggyy,

No worries at all. Thank you for the update. Yeah sure, have a look and always feel free to call them and have a chat. They can help explain typical abusive/bullying patterns and relationships and perhaps offer some unique support. Its good that you have supportive friends and like I said, don't be afraid to lean on them. I'm sure you would do the same for them. 😊

Bob

smallwolf · ‎18-04-2023

Hi Giggy,

I am obviously making some assumptions and I hope you don't mind me making a couple of suggestions. It's really sad to hear that at home, the one place you would hope to belong does not work out for you.

I feel that you deserve to be treated with respect, and worthy of loving. You said that your dad does not do anything about it. Have you been able to talk to him about this? (He might also feel he is caught between a rock and a hard place - not saying this as an excuse either. Or does not want to appear to take sides, and yet the silence does.)

The other thoughts relate to online resources:

if you are under 25 you can get onto kids helpline (https://kidshelpline.com.au/)
Or you could try the beyond blue or reachout (https://au.reachout.com/)

these groups might be able to point you in the right direction.

Hope some of this helps.

therising · ‎19-04-2023

Hi Giggyy

I feel so deeply for you as you try so hard to manage what sounds like very depressing people. You really have to give yourself a lot of credit, for it can take a lot of work managing depressing people while they do next to no work in managing themselves.

I've found some people to be quite strange, the way they happily give themself the freedom to degrade, stress and depress people just because they want to. It took a lot of years before I started to wonder about such people. The more I wondered, the more I began to study them. The more I studied them, the more I found myself able to emotionally detach from them, in favour of wonder. Eventually, I found myself actually wondering at them out loud. Can sound a little like 'I can't help but wonder what makes you so arrogant' or 'I can't help but wonder what leads you to be so depressing' or 'I can't help but wonder why you don't think before you speak, why you don't think about how you lead others to feel'. Taking such wonder to a whole other level can sound like 'I can't help but wonder about what makes you so arrogant. You need to tell me because I just can't work it out'. If they were to say 'You can't say something like that to me', my response may be 'You still haven't answered my question. Why are you so arrogant and depressing?'.

Personally, I don't think it's rude, wondering out loud at degrading people. If you genuinely want to know, ask. As a people pleaser, such open wondering or asking is incredibly hard to do at times and quite stressful because we genuinely don't want to upset anyone (we want to keep them pleased) but when you think of the upset such people lead you to, I think you're entitled to know why they do it.

We start off wonderful (full of wonder) when we're little, asking things like 'Why are you being so mean?' (perhaps to a parent) or 'Why can't I have that/do that?' or 'Why won't you listen to me?' etc. Eventually we're conditioned to stop asking 'Why?', to stop seeking reason/s. We're conditioned to stop wondering so much. Can be hard to bring that part of our self back to life, especially when we really need to in our own defense.

geoff · ‎19-04-2023

Hello Giggyy, I think this can be classified as abuse because of what it's causing you to do.

You need to approach your dad and mention to him that none of this is helping you in every way possible.

If he doesn't talk with his wife (step) and her daughter then he also fears them and can't say what he needs to and perhaps he is frightened of being dominated by her, and if this happens then it's not what he had anticipated, but he needs to man up and tell them to stop.

Geoff.

Life Member.