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Everyone is saying that I pretended to be friends with people, but it's not true

Earth Girl
Community Member

In college, I was friends/acquaintances with a small group of people and I also become friends with one of these people's friends just a bit before formal and I went to formal with this friend and we sat with the rest of the group there. The friendship with this girl started out really good, but even early on in the friendship, there were things she did that I really didn't like. E.g. she asked me to put her rubbish in the bin for her on the day we went out for shopping for our formal. She got really mad at another girl who sat at our table because she was trying to help pass the water to someone and she accidentally spelt it on the table, etc.


I was friends with this girl for about 2 and a half years and I wasn't feeling sure about the friendship anymore, but I didn't know how to end it. On one night out, her boyfriend drove me to where we were going and back home and he beforehand asked me for $20 to do so. My Mum and sister said he ripped me off and that I shouldn't have had to pay him in the first place because they were going past my house on the way anyway. I then told them that I didn't like how some of my friends treated me and then they said I didn't have to stay friends with them. I asked how do you do that and they said just stop talking to them and keep telling them you are busy and the friendship will die. I did this for 3 years! She wouldn't let go. I told my sister that I was going to just let her know that I wasn't feeling the friendship anymore and she said that it is rude to tell someone you don't want to be friends with them anymore and to just let it die even though it wasn't ending still. I ended up deleting her on Facebook because my sisters said it would be okay to do that. L asked me why I deleted her and I told her that I just felt our friendship wasn't working out and she got really mad and then blocked me.


One of the girls in the college group, C would invite me to their night outs, but that was it friendship wise. We became a bit closer later on for about a year until I deleted her on Facebook as well (long story) and now she's saying I was pretending to be her friend for 7 years when I wasn't. We weren't even friends for most of those years, just mild acquaintances.


I made friends with a girl later in CIT, A and it was good at first, but I wasn't feeling it anymore after a while, but I was scared to end it because I knew she would bully me. I ended it eventually and she's now bullying me even worse than I thought she would.

2 Replies 2

Earth Girl
Community Member

First when I stopped being friends with A, I felt really bad because I didn't want to hurt her even though I knew that she would eventually start bullying me because that's what she does whenever someone stops being friends with her. I tried to end the friendship with distancing, but it didn't work.


There just doesn't seem to be a right way to end a friendship with some people because they think you OWE it to them to be friends with them even though they are at an age where they should know that nobody owes it to you to be friends with them. I know people don't have to be friends with me. It's hard when people don't want to be friends with you anymore, but they aren't doing anything wrong in doing so and it doesn't make it okay for you to try to destroy them.


The reason things didn't work out with my friendship with A is because I couldn't be myself around her (or with C), but especially with A.. at all. I felt like a different person when I was with A and I couldn't relax. I also couldn't have a conversation with her that wasn't superficial. My Mum said the conversations A and I had on the phone together were mental because they weren't really conversations, we were just talking about nothing and I didn't even enjoy those conversations because I agree with my Mum, they were "nothing conversations" - they weren't going anywhere. Our whole friendship wasn't going anywhere and we couldn't have a conversation that flowed. She told me that we should be friends again because "we had good times together", but SHE was having good times, I was just trying to be polite and not hurt of upset her.


She's now calling me ugly, body shaming me, saying things about me that aren't true and saying that I tell my friends to buy the same clothes that I had even though I never actually did that. In fact, A would often try to buy things that I bought without even asking me. Like, I saw this really nice jumper in a shop, but it was $60 so I waited for it to go on sale and when A saw me pick it out she said that she wanted one too and the only reason why she didn't get one was because the only other one they had left had a loose string. So it's really annoying having her lie about this, especially since it's actually so different to that.  


People are making rumors about why I apparently stopped being friends with these people like "She was trying to get popular" or "Her friends weren't popular enough so she doesn't want to be friends with them anymore."


I don't even care about being friends with popular people anymore like I did when I was in school. I just want friends that I get along with and that I enjoy being with and that don't drive me CRAZY and that I'm not scared of. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who treated me poorly and/or drove me crazy whether they are popular or not.


I'm also trying to avoid this girl who I lived with for a little while in a group house (for similar reasons to what I mentioned earlier). I'm scared of what she might do when she realizes that I don't want to continue our "friendship" - I wasn't even trying to be friends with her, I was trying to keep myself safe.

L bullies people for not having a job even though she's never had a job or even TRIED to get a job. When we were friends, she was putting someone else down for not having a job (when she didn't either, nor was she studying or anything) and so now there is no doubt in my mind that she's bullying me for not having a job even though I've at least studied, have done a lot of work experiences and I actually do have a job, but it's one day a week (I'm wanting to do more, but long story). She probably thinks it's okay for her to do this because she has children now, but if you've never had a job or even tried to get one and you had plenty of time to, you can't really bully someone else for it, especially if they at least did more than you did.


When we were friends, she also constantly made negative posts about me on Facebook and everyone from school thought it was fine, but when I talked about her on another site, everyone was pissed off at me?


I also added a girl, T, on Facebook when I was in college because she was pressuring me to and I was scared. We talked sometimes on there but I didn't think that made us friends. I deleted her one day on there thinking it would be fine and now she is yet another person saying I was "pretending to be friends with her for 7 years". I wasn't! Even if we were "friends" it was because she forced me to be and the reason why I didn't want to add her on Facebook was because I knew she would expect us to become friend-friends and would bully me if this didn't happen and now she's also bullying me worse than I thought she would.


Almost everyone is taking their sides because they don't like me so there for I'm automatically in the wrong? They don't care to know my true reasoning why I ended these friendships they just think they know everything!