Enough of depression -im moving

Richard1 · ‎24-12-2015

I have lived with depression for probably most of my life. At school i had difficulties with bullying and social exclusion and these issues have seemed to follow me into adulthood employment and friendships. Had an ex wife who treated me poorly during our marriage and then turned nasty when the gravy train ended. Into my fifties, i have decided enough is enough. I feel totally invisible to my social network - they either totally ignore me or only want to know me when there is some sort of gain or advantage for them. Or they only want to know me to tell me their problems because im a good listener. But no one really knows how i feel or cares. Around the time of my last birthday, i made the decision that i have had enough of feeling depressed because people treat me poorly and that im going to move interstate to try something new. Things cant be any different where im going so i feel i may as well give it a try. So sick of excuses of people being busy in their lives or they didnt mean not to include you in a group invite and not to take it personally. So tired of employment rejection. So tired of family members taking me for granted and only wanting to know me when they can get some sort of financial benefit. So bye everyone. They say you shouldnt burn bridges but most bridges start from opposite sides of the river and meet in the middle. No bridge is built in one direction all the time. So not really burning any bridges. I have cut my ties with everyone - but no one has even really noticed. Because no one actually gives a damn. So bye bye farewell. You wont have me around to punch like a punching bag any more.

Jacko777 · ‎24-12-2015

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Richard.

I hope that wherever you go you will have a mental health strategy to deal with your depression. I hope your change will be good for you and that you meet some new people that you can be close to. I guess wherever you are you will find some people can be givers and others are takers. I do know how you feel, I don't like feeling like I am being used and if we don't draw a line somewhere we can feel as though it is completely a one sided relationship.

I hope you can start fresh with a new and positive attitude towards others. Be thankful that you can give to others that don't give back, it's not easy and I bet you are appreciated even if it's not communicated. I would be sad if you start fresh but are reserved with your caring abilities. I am glad you are able to talk about this here and I wish you the best and a Merry Christmas. Talk any time.

Jack

Paul · ‎26-12-2015

Hi Richard,

Please allow me to add my welcome too.

I can relate to the difficulties you've described. People seem to think that if you aren't saying anything then you must be ok with the behaviour they are displaying. It's not the case! I get sick of people with bad behaviour and sometimes dish out a piece of my mind. But that takes a lot of energy.

On thing that comes to mind when you describe moving interstate, apart from the fresh start is "No matter where you go, there you are" I think that's why Jack mentioned a good support network when you move so that you have help with the adjustment and also adjusting too. I've found my Drs to be such a huge help throughout changes in my life when I'm depressed and also when I'm feeling OK too.

All the best Richard, stay in touch with us here and let us know how things are going as you move. It's great to be able to just express how we feel without expecting any reply on here (even though there are lots of people who do reply)

Paul

Indianajane1 · ‎15-02-2016

Hi Richard,

your story struck a cord with me as it is almost identical to what my partner is saying, he has lots of support but can't see it, I myself have tried to get him to get help so many many times but he is resistant to admit he has an issue or he admits he needs help and then changes his mind the very next day.

It has come to the point that he went away by himself for a week then wouldn't answer anyone's calls and had us all worried sick. He finally contacted me to break up with me as he wants "new beginnings". Same thing happened this time last year and then it all blew over so I don't know how it will turn out but I've had depression myself and I know it feels like no one cares but it was that everyone was so busy living their lives and I didn't know how to ask for help. I have moved 30 times, including 3 countries, still had depression, still felt bad until I asked for help.

I hope that you have discussed your feelings with your doctor as there is do much help out there for you to feel better, you don't have to feel depressed.

Guest_1055 · ‎15-02-2016

Hello Richard

I am not sure if you will every re visit Beyond Blue. But in case you do, I want to tell you, I hear you loud and clear. I know what it is like to listen and listen again to others. And sometimes we just want others to really listen to us. To send some kind of message to us, saying we matter. You matter to me Richard, and to many here on Beyond Blue. And I have listened to your heart coming out in your words. You sound so fed up and sick of everything. You are not alone here in that regard.

Anyway I just want you to know that you have been listened to, and that you do matter. I hope you will be OK, wherever it is that you have gone too. Take care

Much love

Shelley xx