Do i need meds?

[roman1613]

Hi all,

i cant believe im here, so difficult...

guess ill explain the best i can. I have always been a bit of a loner, never had a relationship but have always been contented with that, i just figured i was asexual and left it at that. i dont really mentally understand intimacy?

but a year ago i made friends with this amazing girl from the US who was on a working visa for a year and we became best friends. We both care about each other a great deal, it didnt get romantic but honestly neither brought it up or cared we just hung out heaps and enjoyed life, it was the happiest period of my life by a gigantic margin.

well her visa expired and she moved back to the states. I have cried every day for a month now, and while we text daily its just not helping to remove the pain at all... i need her in my life.

i feel hollow like a peice of me is missing and i cant get her out of my head at all, im obsessed with seeing her again. is that love? ive never felt it before.

Am i depressed if im crying every day?

I dont know if i should tell her how much she means to me now that we are so far apart but at this point im just really scared and just need another person to give me an opinion on what to do.

i dont have any scary thoughts, but the sadness i live with at every moment is unbearable.

thank you so much for listening,

Roman.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Everyone has a different version of what love is but overall, in general, there would need to be more to your relationship to be "in love". The common progression of love has the dating aspect, petting, sharing thoughts and planning a life together. Some of that like thoughts you had, but the question of "am I in love" my answer would be no.

So what are you feeling if it isnt love? 
Well it could well be on the way to falling in love and that means your inner heart is aching for her which I might add is a very strong feeling. Having been "in love" several times I'd like to convey to you that you could feel this with someone else, that clicking of personalities could occur something like once in say 30 to 50 people of your own age group. Thats why computer dating has questions in ones description like - hobbies, sports, interests, build, hair colour, a picture and so on because to narrow down the number of people you reply to is streamlining the process as it can be a drawn out experience.

One thing I recommend to those breaking up from a relationship is to distract yourself by throwing yourself into hobbies and sports and even dating. The less likely option is to follow her to the USA but the relationship would need to make a turn towards a positive direction by one of you mentioning your feelings to the other AND the other reciprocating similar feelings.

In the meantime if you feel depressed then your first action is to make an appointment with your GP. He can assess you and take action if needed.

I hope you feel ok and yes, these feeling need time to settle but eventually you'll get it all in a better perspective.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Roman

I feel for you so deeply, given the pain and intense questioning you're facing right now. It can feel so impossible when there seems to be no obvious answers and way forward.

Personally, I'm a gal who finds love in evolution (in more ways than one). If someone leads me to evolve in significant ways, I truly feel loved by them. One of the ways I express my love for others is through actively helping them to evolve in little and significant ways. It's about loving each other to life in a whole variety of ways. Whether that comes in the form of the kind of care that can be deeply felt, in the form of bringing out the best in each other or bringing new facets in each other to life or whether it's in some other form, it's definitely an emotional experience, one that can be felt through excitement, joy, laughter, imagination, a sense of wonder and possibility and so much more. While it can be partly about chemistry (oxytocin, dopamine etc), it can also be a deeply soulful experience. When we meet someone who feeds our soul, there is no choice but to experience love.

Could a part of the challenge involve figuring out how to love through physical distance? Could a part of the challenge involve continuing to lead each other to evolve in significant ways? Not saying this would necessarily make a difference but what if you were to meet at least once a week (through Zoom or WhatsApp etc). In your weekly meeting, you could set each other a challenge. Kind of like 'Before we speak next week, I want you to challenge yourself to...'. For example, it could involve dining out at a restaurant you've never been to before, with the kind of food you've never tasted before, while perhaps taking along a good book you're being challenged to read. If you're a socially anxious person, it could involve being challenged to relax into that situation (with the help of the book). So, 4 challenges in 1. When you walk out of that restaurant, having succeeded, you would love her all the more for her having challenged you to evolve in such a way, beyond being the kind of person who would never have thought such a thing possible. The thing is too...when we're leading or challenging our self to evolve, we are technically self loving or loving our self to life in new ways. Perhaps you could consider meeting up in 6 months time, for a recap of all the ways you've grown together while being apart.