disconected

[odelle77]

i often feel that im not actually depressed and dont need help, that im just down and that i would be wasting everyone's time if i burden them with my crap. as i read in the depression descriptions i gather that im a melancholic depressed person. i have for years felt that nothing good will ever happen in my life and that im unworthy of anything good. i have this awful feeling of disconnectedness and dont find joy in anything. it feels totally horrible. to be doing things that are considered fun and not find any feeling for it, to be around people who are laughing and joking and not find any humor. to have this numb sad feeling cover everything thats good.

as a kid i had dreams of travel and happiness and laughter and good jobs, fame and family. life hasnt turned out as i thought or hoped it would...  i feel that it doesnt matter what steps i take to improve my lot that i never make it there. i feel that it doesnt matter how much i love a person or people that the feeling will never be reciprocated, that somehow everyone can tell that there is something unlovable something wrong something unworthy about and in me. ive been on medication before and the feeling of numbness, and the feelings of being unlovable didnt go away. i still found no joy in life. am i always going to feel like this????????

[Neil_1]

Dear Odelle

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

The first thing I want to express to you is:  "You are not alone" - with these thoughts.

That's the unfortunate beast that IS depression - it takes our minds and bends them and twists them and makes us feel useless, defeated and a whole lot more.

We then know this is wrong and hence why we all battle against it.  This ISN'T the way things should be. 

I'd really love to hear back from you and hear more of your situation - I hope that's ok?

You've mentioned you've been on meds before, but they apparently didn't do any good.  I'm not sure how long ago that was, but there are always new ones coming on the market and really there's a whole plethora of meds out there to assist with the various conditions.

It might be time to get back to a GP - and hey, if you don't have one, on this site, Beyond Blue have put up a list of GP's, that can be searched for;  hopefully you might find one or more in your local area.  The thing with these GP's is that they are all skilled in dealing with mental health issues.  Could be a new path, a new starting point??

You've also intimated that you may be in a relationship??  By saying how much you love someone?  Is this true or was that from another time?

Are you currently working and if so, is the job going ok?

I really do hope to hear from you again,

Kind regards

Neil