Diagnosed with Depression

[AdamrW]

Hello friends,

after having a somewhat horrible couple of weeks, yesterday I took myself to the doctor, had a quick chat, did a questionnaire and was told I have depression.  I have been feeling really low for a while, I'm a Project Manager for a government agency and have just recently taken on the role after a restructure, my partner and I have been having issues with our relationship for a while, we recently lost a 2 year court case in the federal court and I'm a father of two beautiful children under 3.  I feel as if the struggles and constant grinding of my day to day life have caught up with me.  I have seen a counselor who gave me a lot of printed material on anxiety and depression.

I'm now 34 and find myself living in what seems like a black hole.  2 months ago my life seemed 'normal' but I think that things had been building up.  I went to work earlier in the week and found myself sitting in front of my computer but not being present, I took myself home as I was struggling to be there.  I'm now here putting an entry on the beyond blue website to share my story and read yours.

I think I have some underling issues causing my depression, I can be a caring, sensitive person and usually put others first, I also tend to worry about what other people think.  I have had anxiety in the past, I had a motorbike accident in Thailand when I was younger and suffered Anxiety when I returned home.  I did however managed to get on with my life, progressed in my career, met my partner etc and have had a lot of fun.

I'm now in a place I'm not familiar with, I will get better just at the moment I'm struggling to find or see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I currently do have trouble sleeping and worry a lot during the night, some times I think I'm going crazy and that I'm a horrible father.  My mind seems to spiral in thoughts sometimes.

I realize now what depression is like and that its a big issue.  I'm trying to find comfort in people who have overcome it and how.  Sometimes the stories I read make me feel worse but there is also comfort in knowing others every day all over the world are going through the same thing.  To all of you i send you a big HUG.

My partner unfortunately doesn't understand mental health issues and thinks I should snap out of it, she is also focusing on our 2 children and does a wonderful job, I do wish she could understand what its like however and offer support.

I'm going back to my doctor on Saturday

Thanks for reading X

[white knight]

Hi AW,

Somehow I think half my reply should be directed to your partner. For without her support and at least her attempt to understand....you are alone except for us. Us meaning those of us that suffer depression and the professionals that treat it.  So by all means show her this thread.

I'm no expert but I have depression, dysthymia, anxiety and bipolar 2.  Suffice to say I ran my own business for 13 years in investigations and prematurely retired at 57yo last year due to the day to day stresses of work adding to day to day life hurdles.

We know now through recent studies that positive thinking has no effect on the depressed. In fact as it can create false expectations, it can worsen the illness.  So, one must wait until your cycle of depression is on the 'up' before you can capitalise on any internal vigor. So remain realistic. Have low expectations.

I might be stating the obvious but I will list a number of things that can help with that up part of the cycle and possibly have a permanent effect on your future depressive episodes.

Work. you are in a new position of leadership. Dont be afraid of leaving your job to seek a change. Work can be mundane, cementing your feet in a job that might seem the peak of your field but it isnt everything. Get work aspirations in its right perspective ie is it a negative force in yuor life? If so leave it, if not stay...its that simple.

Environment.  Head for the hill if you are living in a high stress environment.

Relationships.  If you have relationships of questionable value then make moves to lessen contact

Proper medication. Find the right one for you. This could take time.

Education. You are doing it. Good start.  Educating loved ones will be harder. Unfortunately some people relate depression with sadness. Hence the comments "snap out of it" or "you have so much compared with others - you have no reason to be depressed".  We hear about this all the time and it has a positive- it shows how naive they are.

Sleep.  If there is suspicion you have a sleeping disorder like apnea get a sleep test. I had to get a CPAP machine and it is remarkable the benefits of good sleep.

Hobbies and sport.  If you were ever involved then consider returning to it.

Spiritual peace.  It could be yoga, relaxation, studying the Deli Lama, Ghandi etc. or it could be your chosen religion.

That's about it. People 'vent' here daily. You will be among your own kind. Rad up by all means. BB forum has helped me immensely as I help the unknown poster.

[BeeGee]

Good for you - you are doing the right things to help turn things around.  WK has great suggestions above, but I think the one I like best is about having realistic expectations.

In my limited experience dealing with my depression, nothing happens in a hurry - at least not the things we hope for.  It's a slow journey, but hopefully one that maintains an upward trajectory on the whole, although we should expect setbacks along the way.

Everyone is different, but it's possible you may have been depressed for longer than you think.  For some it comes on either so young or so gradually that we don't notice - we focus on pushing through and getting on with things until a light goes on that all is not right, or something breaks.

I hope you find the support you need in our little community here.  Let us know how you get on.

[Jo3]

Hi Adam

Thanks for sharing your story with us.  WK and Bee Gee have given some great responses and suggestions.

Trying to stay positive and realistic is hard but if you can try to find something that will help you find some inner peace and strength, I am sure it will help.  Great to see that you are seeing your GP for help.

It's a shame that your wife doesn't understand; I find that my husband doesn't understand depression either. Maybe if she can go with you to your GP she may understand a little more about depression.  And even being on here - there is plenty of resources you and your wife can read up on.

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and having memories of being sexually abused as a child over 40 yrs ago. Memories came to me only 4 yrs ago but I have recently found yoga to be a beneficial tool for me.  It calms me, gives me peace and hope that one day I will be able to control my depression and anxiety and memories.

Take care Adam, hope to hear from you again

Jo

[Lenora]

I find it helps people understand, if I liken depression to diabetes.

You can't just "snap out of" having diabetes.  Positive thinking doesn't help.  Trying to "do it without drugs" is stupid and dangerous.  It's caused by a chemical imbalance in the body.  It doesn't matter that some people can handle unlimited amounts of sugar without any problems.  Diabetics can't.

Likewise, clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance.  Because of this lack, we react to ordinary situations differently to those without the illness (just like diabetics get very ill if they are exposed to "normal" amounts of sugar).  Positive thinking doesn't help because it's a physical illness.  Not everyone needs medication, but for those who do, trying to cope without it is just as stupid and dangerous as a diabetic trying to cope without Metaformin or Insulin.

 It's not your fault, and you're not weak.  Listen to your doctor, take your meds.  Living with this condition is a pain in the backside, but it does get better.  

[HelenM]

Hi Adam

You've been given some great advice. Can I offer anything? I'm not sure.

I will say that after years of chronic depression (don't let that worry you, I've had some brilliant times along the way) that I have learnt lots about life - I feel I'm a fuller human being, if that makes any sense. 

I no longer work, I had to give up my flat,  I've had to alter my aspirations. But I remember having a mousse fight (the ones you eat) with my husband a couple of years ago. I got him right in the face - I didn't throw the container. I actually used it as a launcher. Anyway, call me odd - before illness I saw the pyramids in  Gisa, Ephesus, the Colosseum and the Acropolis - 4 of the 7 wonders of the world. Interesting - but that mousse fight is a more special memory. 

I hate depression. I have so much to learn. One of the things I have learned though is that fun does not require money or perfect health. 

Best wishes, Helen