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Community Member
Life for me feels like…. Nothing, life feels like nothing. I feel nothing but alot at the same time. I want to cry but I can’t cry. I want to talk to someone but I don’t want to be around anyone at the same time. It’s starting again, im slowly isolating myself from everyone once again thinking life is never going to be okay. Right now im outside laying on a bench in the park under the moon while listening to music and writing this. Ive tried to be productive today but I just can’t. I can’t even talk to my parents about this because they never even once acknowledge mental health and they would discriminate people who suffer with this and make jokes about my SH scars. I have counseling appointment tomorrow and i know i should talk to them and be open to them about what im feeling but whenever i attend every appointment all i could say is that im okay or say i dont know what im feeling. Well, I can’t explain what I’m feeling… i can’t see myself living in the future. Im so tired of trying to survive everyday without relapsing and giving in to my thoughts. Im tired of constantly trying to be okay. Im tired of waking up everyday with the same thoughts. I know i need help but i dont want help. 
7 Replies 7

Community Member

From one 'depresee' (a completely made up word by the way!) to another, I can tell you that I have certainly been there and done that.

Its really really hard to dig yourself out of this hole once you have fallen into it. 

But its not all doom and gloom. Fortunately, you can dig yourself out even if at the moment it seems impossible. And whilst I write this post, I completely acknowledge that I have no idea what difficulties you are facing.

But I have dug myself out time and time again, so I know its possible.

When my mind is telling me that my life is nothing, its basically my mind playing tricks on me. My mind thinks it gets everything, but it really doesn't. It just feels like it does. Once I wake up to the fact that my mind is playing tricks on me, then this is the first step to climbing out of the hole. 

The challenge is recognising that your mind is playing tricks on you. This is the skill of mindfulness. 

For me, I use a technique called 'grounding' to put a pause button on my mind. I identify 5 objects I see, 5 things I can hear (sometimes I can only hear a couple of things!) and 5 things I feel in my body. But there are other techniques if you search them up online. 

Once I have pressed 'pause', it then opens up this other part of my mind which recognises that my depressed mind is playing tricks on me. 

Its not like I suddenly stop being depressed, but I learn to understand the depression a bit better. For example, I may have made a mistake at work. My depressed mind will tell me that I am a failure and that I don't deserve my job. But when I stop and realise that my depressed mind is playing tricks on me, I acknowledge my mistake in a different way - I am sad and disappointed that I made the mistake, but I am just going to learn from it. Everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn't mean that I am a total and utter failure. Its normal to be a little sad and disappointed, and this sadness will fade with time.


I hope this helps. It took me years of practice to get to the point of being able to dig myself out of the hole, my next goal is to make the holes I fall into more shallow, and easier to climb out of.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear 2004,


A very warm and caring welcome to our forums,


Im sorry your struggling so much with your mental health..I can relate so much to your words about how your feeling, I’ve been there before and at times still find myself down that dark tunnel….


I’m pleased that your seeing a counsellor, I know how hard it can be to open up to a counsellor, I used to always say I’m okay and doing good when the truth was I was crying inside to scared or ashamed to disclose my inner pain…..2004, if you feel you can’t verbally tell them, you could show them your post that you’ve written above or you could write out on a piece of paper what your going through and hand them the paper…..many people do that….and the counsellor will understand….


I often sit on my veranda at night and watch the stars with music playing, it’s a beautiful way to give our chatty mind a small holiday….


Good luck at your counselling session, please come back if you feel up to it and let us know how your feeling today….no pressure at all…only saying out of my care for you..


Kind thoughts…




Community Member

Thank you fellow ‘depresee’ (love that made up word btw)

I hear you and I see how hard you tried to fight your own battles and I am proud of you for having the courage, strength, and patience. I heard those techniques plenty of times before but I haven’t really tried it on myself yet for some reasons. I hope ill get there too at my own time. 


Community Member

Thank you so much for the advice, I would surely try that on our upcoming session. Unfortunately, something came up in my mind today that made me cancel. My body just wanted me to stay in bed all day no matter how hard I tried to convince and force myself to attend this session. I got up and tried to get ready, but minutes before driving myself my mind and body decided to give up on me. Then there I heard my mother say that I ruin everyone’s schedule by cancelling last minute. I get what she was saying and I felt so guilty that my head started to hurt and my ears started ringing. Until she said im not important so i shouldnt make things about me, then i started to tear up. Her words kept repeating inside my head and got me breaking down, and harming myself. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move my body. And when I realized I have relapsed I worried even more. I wasted 168 days of not harming myself. I locked myself in my room until now I haven’t spoken to any of my ‘family’ for hours and not planning to. 

but on top of that thank you for your advice and understanding my situation. 

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi 2004


As a 53yo gal, it was only a couple of years ago or so that I reached the conclusion that I have some positive and incredibly helpful facets of me and some incredibly depressing ones. Can definitely feel which ones are in play at times. While my inner critic can be helpful in the way of pointing out where I need to work on things, overall it would have to be one of the most depressing facets, that's for sure. My heart goes out to you as you work so hard to manage what brings you down, the inner dialogue included.


Read a brilliant book not long ago that I could really relate to, 'Insanely Gifted - Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. Catto comes from a similar perspective, that there are many facets to who we are and some of those facets can be referred to as our 'inner demons'. Our harsh inner critic can definitely be one of those. With Hippeastrum mentioning recognising tricks of the mind, I've found this relates to coming to know certain facets well. If I'm triggered to tune into one of my so called 'inner demons', it can have a feel to it and a dialogue of it's own. It can feel incredibly depressing and it tends to be full of lies, some of which might sound familiar, stuff like 'You're hopeless and you're never going to change. You're never going to get out of this depression; this one's going to last the rest of your life. What's the point of you even being here?' and on it goes. Definitely gets brutal. Meditating on what you can see, feel and hear (as suggested by Hippeastrum) can definitely be helpful for 2 reasons, amongst many. One reason involves tapping into a different facet of self through such meditation, let's call it a soulful sense of self that's about focusing on the now and what is real, as opposed to a trick of the mind. Another reason involves starving the inner critic, for example, of fuel for the fire. If the inner critic absolutely thrives on harsh criticism ('I am hopeless, my mum's right. I am useless just like such and such says' etc) focusing on anything other than self criticism means there's zero fuel.


While Catto mentions in his book the idea that all facets of self are triggered to come to life at different times for one reason or another (from the people pleaser in us through to the inner critic), this points to the idea that more will gradually come to life in the future. Whether it's our inner sage or the researcher in us that inspires us to research ways that work in regard to mental health or the adventurer in us that leads us to feel more excitement in life, there are facets waiting in the wings. While different people have different ways of working with what depresses them, I recall a guy who decided to actually name his harsh inner critic, as he found this idea so much easier to work with. For example 'Frank, you're so brutal and depressing. Get the hell out of my head and just give me a break. I'm really getting sick of you'. While some methods for managing may sound a little unusual, if unusual works and it does no harm then it's technically a skill gained.

Community Member

Dear 2004,

I am mental health patient and a ED nurse as well. What I suggest you is please be honest with mental health professionals and express yourself. There are lot many professionals who are professionals as well as patient. They will understand your problems. You will definitely get help you need. Parents, please understand them. They are from different Era and still your parents. Please dont hesitate to contact me if you need any help or clarification. 



Community Member

Dear 2004,


I hope that you are doing better since your last post! And thank for the lovely reply!

Before I say anything further, kudos to you for posting! Reaching out is a form of resilience. There is a part of you that is strong and wise enough to know that there is a way out of the depression. So, kudos!


Do you think that the reason that you may not have tried the grounding technique is the depression itself? The depression itself can stop you from even starting anything - it tends to make me feel like there is no point even trying!

Or do you think that the grounding technique just might be something that may not work for you? Like what therising wrote in their post, there are different ways that people address the insanely powerful depressed mind. The various techniques do work, you just need to use something that works for you. If you don't do anything, nothing will help long term. But if you are patient/persistent, over time you will definitely reap the rewards. What have you tried and what has worked/not worked? Would you feel comfortable posting on this forum?