depression

[cometsandchaoss]

have you ever felt so physically dead on the inside that you convince yourself you truly did die when everything went wrong.

i cant do anything without being unenthusiastic all i wanna do is sleep and cry i hate this feeling and my anxiety also gets the better of me i used to love hanging out with groups of new people and going to parties but now id rather sleep and eat .its so hard to function or be scared or feel actual emotion .this guy was head over heals with me for around two years and he could deal with me when no one could but i broke his heart over and over again and i felt no feeling towards him.my mother passed away when i was 12 i am currently 16 ,i wasn't very close with her i always felt like she planned my life to be hell , my mother had depression ,schizophrenia and bipolar disorder . she had 3 children to 3 different and only knew 1 of their names my mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict i got ripped out of her arms as soon i was born and i was put into a foster care where the lady who was my foster mother used to cry and cry because her youngest son had died and she only had him so she needed someone to fill the gap ,docs didn't think i had any family so they tried their hardest to find a relative and thats when they found my grandmother and grandfather they have raised me all my life and every family member i know has no news on my dad . my mother died from cancer and she was so loving towards me but i stood my arrogant ground i couldn't even say i love you .when she was in a coma the night before she died everyone sung the song she sang to us "you are my sunshine". everyone gave her kisses and individually wen tin their and and talked to her but i almost passed out in the bathroom i couldn't talk to her .i missed my chance that was the last time anyone ever saw her again.i felt so dark and so empty at age twelve the next day i went to school and acted normal no one asked me if i was okay and every time im now sad everyone thinks its that and i hate when people think they know how i feel but they dont .im sick of feeling like i have no one to turn to i just want to be able to accomplish my goals and get better.

[startingnew]

hi there

you have been through alot in your life and its not surprise your not coping all that well. well done to reaching out to us here and seeking some support.

im glad they found your grandparents, would you be comfortable in speaking to them about how your feeling?

would you be willing to speak to your school counsellor?

we are here for you, please keep chatting