Depression triggers

[white knight]

One week ago it happened. A neighbour is a good mate but his wife, a nurse, had her matron hat on when they visited.

Cutting words found their target and once left it was like my brain was being squeezed. I had no control over my mood so, as I usually did, l just allowed the depressive cycle to run its course.

Nobody can help me...but me.

I knew not to "fight" it. I also knew not to let myself slide away so l continued with my daily tasks. This time though l wrote out some stickies with the words "remember when its good, that good will return"...and stuck them everywhere, the garage, my car, my office and my bedside table.

When in our cycle we dont think it will end so we think negatively and although I've not in 20 years gone down the path l did then of two steps from self destruction, l do, while in these cycles...think about it. Why?

Because I'm low. It's a hollow sad feeling of helplessness that my good wife can only hold my hand to help.. we watch the Rosella's feeding, the wild ducks land in our dam and l smile but my laughing was on hold until two hours ago.

Two hours ago l walked into my garage and read my sticky..."remember when its good...." l knew l had come out of my cycle and life was good again. One week is a long cycle for me, I'm a 3 day guy nowadays, and pre medicine was a two week guy.

At 61yo I'm the result of a narcissistic mother that had all the ingredients for dominance, manipulation and expectation. Nurturing was certainly there but it wasnt enough.

So bossy, dominant people often women, triggers my episodes. If they point their finger and demand you comply then that will trigger it. Knowing a trigger is wonderful. One can work on it to avoid it.

Our neighbours came over today. I was quieter, still talking but l had a lump in my emotional throat. My mates wife had no reason to repeat her actions of the week before so the visit went well. Of course the price l paid for harmony was l was not fully myself.

As a sufferer that's studied my triggers, l believe most times I'm triggered after becoming sensitive for a few days. I'm learning and its productive.

Learning about yourself sounds stupid. But we cannot rely only on meds, psych visits, friends and family to fix us. We have to gently assess ourselves to seek out the pattern as to what sparks the depressive session.

Only then will we be able to act upon it.

And dont forget those sticky notes..."remember when it's good, that good will return"....

Tony WK

[CMF]

Hi Tony,

Love your post as always. "...I'm triggered after becoming sensitive for a few days". There is another thread , I think it's one of yours, in relation to the anxiety/depression/sensitivity connection.

When we are sensitive we are more likely to suffer depression/anxiety and if we have depression/anxiety we become more sensitive. It's a vicious circle.

definitely. Please rtant to realise our triggers and try to manage them. I do. It wTch the news or read papers anymore and I watch lighthearted tv.

i have made notes in my phone re how I feel on my good days so I can look back on them. It doesn't always help but it does make me remember that there can be light when I get to the end of the tunnel.

cmf x

[white knight]

Hi CMF

Yes that one was

Topic: depression and sensitivity, a connection- beyondblue

The connection can be the trigger. My sensitivity goes up and down but at its lowest point it is likely the highest point of an average person.

Well done in discarding tv and the media

This is where self help works. You are doing favours for yourself.

Tony WK

[JessF]

Hello Tony, I love the idea of using the sticky notes to challenge your negative thoughts and having them around the house. I might try this myself for some of my regular negative thoughts. I wonder if this might be an idea that others could try as well, so many people posting here seem to suffer with relentless negative thoughts and need some help with challenging them.

[RandR]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for sharing your story and some of the realizations you've come to. It's been over a year since I've had a depressive episode (In fact I'm confident and believe that I am in control of 'it' and 'it' is no longer in control of me). It's only taken me 14 years since I was 18 years of age and it began after my father abandoned my family and I. There is something you wrote and that I completely can relate to - 'Nobody can help me...but me'. These words echoed for years and years whenever I was in a state of depression.

My triggers, the combination of blindly trusting people too much, not having enough self respect for myself and the combination of too much alcohol and drugs. Fast forward and 12 months of not going out and allowing myself to be tormented by the above triggers that 'negative' thought turned into 'I can help myself...and I will help myself'. This positive affirmation in my mind only came after I removed myself from the wrong environments, studied and assessed my behavior and and wrote down my triggers. Self realization is a beautiful thing. As is the clarity it brings.

Thanks again and I'm glad you didn't go down the path of self destruction. You sound like someone the world needs more of, not less of.

Raman.

[pawsy]

Wise words, thanks for sharing. ... I dont have much idea what my depression triggers are. You make me curious to think about it. A bit of 'gentle (self) assessment' sounds useful. Also,how good are rosellas? Thanks again and best wishes from pawsy

[white knight]

Raman

well done, self assessment of what seems to be minor things accumulate to big advances. Your own conclusion to pick yourself up and "do" something about it shows great tenacity and intelligence.

I dont know if there is a connection but "blindly trusting people" no doubt is part of your character but such vulnerability could be part if you that hasnt drveloped normally. Eg, in ADHD some people have "foot in mouth" because they talk before thinking. I too trust people first before getting to know them. Then get let down heavily. It should be the reverse. Most people dont trust for a long time. Just remember, you dont need to trust so quickly. You dont need to please others so easily, they dont expect it.

With such feeling of obligation you could be creating the trigger you are trying to stop. Eg if being rejected was a trigger for your depression but you placed too much trust too soon in someone and they bit back at you?

Pawsy

Its healthy to keep thinking about your triggers.​ My mother has had a huge negative effect on my life. One night while sleeping I had a nightmare of her and a bowel spasm came. Stress in my case brings these spasms on and I have to take mefication as the pain is excruciating. Its an example of a trigger.

Tony WK