Depression.... my old friend...

[black_rose]

Today I woke up and felt that familiar feeling that many years ago I struggled to survive. The familiar heavy feeling in my body, the mind fog that literally makes me incapable of thinking clearly, the numbness and the exhausting feeling that makes me unable to do even the smallest of chores without feeling utterly exhausted half way through and unable to continue.

I hate this feeling... Being on the verge of tears, I just wanna scream. I just wanna scream and yell and tell every one around me where to go. I just wanna retreat back into myself, hide in the darkness I feel. Cry myself to sleep and be alone.

Some days I'm sick of fighting, sick of doing all I can to keep this monster from emerging again. No one ever gets it, really understands how much I fight to keep it at bay. I pretend it's easy, it's not, it's exhausting...

[Sophie_M]

Hey black_rose,

Thanks for reaching out to our community tonight. We understand it can be hard to post when you're feeling so low, so we are genuinely grateful you decided to reach out. We're so sorry to hear how exhausted you're feeling, it sounds like you are in a dark place at the moment but please know that this is a safe space and our wonderful community is here to support you through this difficult time.

Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or have you in the past? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these feelings that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support and also provide you with advice and referrals.

In addition to this, the counsellors at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you to talk things through during your most difficult moments.

Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you
 

[rhinoceros]

Hi Black Rose

What you describe sounds very familiar to me. For me it comes in waves. I'll go for a month or two feeling pretty good, and then suddenly I'll crash and burn. There isn't always a catalyst for that change either. It just happens.

It's a real cliche but I've found that exercise has helped me quite a lot ... the ups and downs are still there but the severity of the downs has been reduced considerably. Just a thought. The biggest challenge with that for me is motivation - if you're down it's even worse. I often just force myself to go out for a walk/run. Even getting a friend to go with you might help - that way you've committed to it in advance if that makes sense?

Take care

[CalmCat]

Hi black_rose,

Thank you for such a vulnerable post.

Firstly, thank you so much for sharing, your post will ring true to others helping them on their mental health journey.

Secondly, on a personal level, I also get days of pain. With slight adjustments to habit, routine and life, I've managed to eliminate the bad days to only a few a month. I know I can't compare to what you must be going through, but I hear you.

Really hope your okay. Please reach out to all and let us know how your going.

Regards,

Doran