Depression - life

[randomxx]

Hi to all.

Some will know l've had my ups and downs for sure but l wanted to start this as a new and separate thread bc the old one wound up all about gf ex.

Just for the most that won't know though and happen to drop in, l got rid of of my place 6mths back and went caravaning 51/2 mths, just couldn't deal with another place at the time and just felt like a bloody good break and rest first.

Wasn't sure how l'd feel about it but it wasn't bad and at times really nice just being free for a bit but later 50s there were also the worries of what to do when l get back. Well back now is too my other place it's not really that l had two houses the second one is just a country block with a cabin in a tiny town that l just rent out, never lived there. Well the tenant moved out so that's where l've come back to, l need to fix it up and sell it toward my new place.

This little town this whole thing , not doing me any good at all in this stage of life. l did have to get out of my other place don't regret it it had to be done but it's just been such a huge last 10yrs or so. Divorce and all thenlater on just broken up with later new gf now ex just last yr and now all this and here l am in this place- and then l'll be somewhere else to where l'm thinking of moving to, maybe even building . lf so it'll only be small and minimalist buttt, ldk

Just feel like total bs it's all too much and it's like what in the hell am l even doing especially here right now and at this age but ldk how else l could've done things.l had to get out of my last place, l have to be here to fix up this one and it's somewhere at least to stay, it'll be  a few mths.

Been coming here 20yrs keeping this place up and all the same people are still here couples been together and still here all that time and still sitting in their homes watching tv and doing their lives together.

The total opposite lives to mine and now l;m even single and here doing this and then wherever later restarting again andddd, it's all just sooooo, words l can't use here.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

That's a good idea to stick around for a few days and enjoy the area but also confirm how you feel about the second place and town. It's lovely your daughter could make it there. I loved reading about you and her standing by the lake in 90k winds with your arms out. It's so exhilarating. I love thunderstorms too. I've had a few close encounters with lightning so I'm always careful about that, but I love the energy of thunderstorms. It reminds you you're alive and you feel energised.

The Kasey interpretation of Lose Yourself is pretty interesting. She definitely makes it her own and it's pretty intense and hardcore after starting more gentle and atmospheric. I think she captures a mood with it and it's quite powerful.

Yes, I understand what you mean. Sometimes it is good to focus on talking about the MH stuff and sometimes not so much if it gets too bogged down. I think being on my own sometimes it helps to reach out somewhere if feeling particularly bad. But distraction can be a good thing too. It's a good thing there are the social threads here for that.

Poor GF ex. Centrelink emails can sound threatening at times. What I learned was that they often send out a generic message that includes what sound like threats for the few people out there who might be doing the wrong thing. So it will say something that sounds extreme like if you don't do xyz it's a federal offence. But what it says really doesn't apply to most people, yet it can sound like you're being threatened. So I'm wondering if she got a message like that which can feel stressful. I hope she can find some peace over Easter anyway. And I hope you have a nice time too and manage to avoid the Easter craziness.

Bye for now,

er

[randomxx]

Haa Thx er. Storms came in diagonally across and straight into the porch at our old house from a beautiful 1500hec across as we were the last house on the edge of town. When a storm sweeps through an area like that the momentum it picks up is spectacular , a lot like from across the huge lake here , and we'd stand out on the porch holding on ha ha until the lightening but hey, our poor old house. l had to completely rebuild that corner when we first bought it. ldk hth it managed to stay standing 100yrs.

Anyway yeah , wanna stick around next wk or so here after Easter clears and look around more but tbh, it's looking like there's nothing much in between town wise from the one l'm thinking about, other than the original options. Soooo, damn it but doubt l'm gonna be finding any solutions. The really special but out of the way towns always have the most incredible properties hidden away buttt, what can you do l guess hey.

Gf ex yeah , most couldn't imagine what she's been through without me telling the story all in my old thread but so yeah , the clink stuff she gets is just icing on the cake, poor thing. Won't go into it though but yeah l'm always saying stuff like that too but she can't help herself though, poor things on edge 24 7.

Anyway, brought myself to watch the Kasey clip, truly talented artists always do incredible covers and she did for sure , so much passion she was exhausted after it. Buttttt, if it was her own song it'd be an incredible piece but as the original, just girlie'd up way too much for me and took everything l love about eminem's away, knew it would butttt- she's still one talented bugger though none the less eh.

Have a good wkend

rx

[randomxx]

Well , the cabin is officially on the market.

My God should see the write up he did, crikey . l'm thinking man wonder if he should tone it down a bit , kinda funny butttttt, l'll leave it to the experts l spose.

lt all feels v v weird now though it actually happening and it all up there now in lights and all it's glory.

After all these yrs, it sorta feels like a some surreal unknown now. Mind you, there's zero emotional attachment anymore more like a burden tbh and l really would love it just gone now and l do hope it goes and the sooner the better butttt wth, it still feels v bizarre.

Strangest thing , had a reading the other day - really wished l didn't later but weirdly, it wasn't bad thk the Gods, contrary it was pretty damn scary big tbh - mind you ofc that'd be if there was even anything in it at all. l only used this person once before yrs and yrs ago- Shouldn't have done it again butttt, l did and it is all grain of salt l know but never the less what iffss ??? And they kinda went into all this stuff l don't even wanna know , that wasn't bad either actually it all leads to the big things they were talking about but, ldk. My poor head , even for good stuff, too much.

Anyway, the cabin selling fast would all be part of it plus a lot more , but if that was to happen it'd really make my day as l'd really just like it gone now so we see l spose. Not that l'm hangin round baited breath l do hope l don't get stuck with it though is all.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hey rx, those storms sound fantastic. Lots of drama. I’m imagining the rain might have been almost horizontal at times sweeping into the porch, or so I am imagining. It sounds like your place was solidly built to stand for 100 years in the elements. My place here stands up well to the winds that we can get at times in the winter. Sometimes those winds are in the category one cyclone range. The place is 46 years old and still standing. My first winter here there were wind gusts up to 135km/h at the nearest weather station and it gets up near that each winter at some point. So I feel kind of safe knowing the place can stand up to it.

I know what you mean about some really nice places in out of the way spots near those special towns. There’s one town not far from here that I considered. There have been some gorgeous little cottage places in the forest just out of there, but bushfire risk is the big thing there. I expect those places would be expensive to insure now. But some of them are such unique places with a lot of original work done by whoever built them. Basically really homely cottages with things like unique wooden panelling or gorgeous verandahs or sun rooms. Just different from the generic housing you see in the city.

I totally get it re: Centrelink. The way they work it can be triggering if already vulnerable. I have thought about how daunting it must be getting one of their letters with the threatening sounding language if English is not your first language. It would be easy to be unnerved by it. Sending kind thoughts your ex GF’s way anyway.

Yes, the Kasey version is totally her own spin on it. Not really coming from the same place as the original. It’s almost like a totally different song.

It’s great your place is on the market. It’s funny the write ups the real estate agents do isn’t it. I’m sure you’ve done great work on it though and it’s a good place. If I ever get to selling this place I can’t help wondering how they’d word it. Renovator’s delight? 😂 Fire resistant due to heaps of asbestos? 🤣 Actually, it’s pretty solid as I mentioned above, but just with quite a few maintenance issues due to age.

That’s really interesting you had the reading. I’m glad it was on the positive side. It’s funny you mention that as I’ve been looking into getting one in the past few days to deal with some stuff that’s come up in relation to a recent loss and trying to process the meaning of it all. I’ve never done it before but came across someone in another town who sounds genuine. I’m getting all these insights and intuitions lately myself and trying to make sense of it all. Funny thing today - I bumped into the nice lady I met recently again and once again we talked for ages. She’s like a kindly guardian angel appearing. We walked with her little dog to a cafe and had a coffee. She’s been so kind and supportive towards me and she hardly knows me, yet feels like someone I’ve always known. Anyway, I reckon your place has a good chance to sell. Real estate has been so tight in many places so I’m hoping that’s the case and it won’t take long.

Have a lovely evening rx

[randomxx]

Yaknow, really think a thread would help you a lot bc some of the womens threads go on 100s and 100s of pages as you know and they're great support for their specifics in the way they tend to more so need. Where as mates around the place in my other threads we mostly tend to move along kinda thing mind you some have had some huge stuff going on but point is. Although your doing great l hear a lot of struggles too that really working through as you need might help things a lot. Just worry about you not able to work through things as you might need to without a thread along the way.

Anyway, really nice you've bumped into her again then, doesn't it make a difference hey. I did have one or two mates in my old town but they also had their hands full with kids and wives and life ha ha. Made a difference whenever we would catch up though.

The reading stuff, l dunno. l saw this guy once before way way back now but he knows he's stuff alright he was spot on at the time talking decades not just a few wks or some fluff crap so that was the scary part of talking to him again. Still feeling v weird about it now tbh, kinda wished l didn't. Even though it was thankfully good stuff mostly - if ,,,,but never the less. 

Funny stuff about your fire proof place, his guy would've prob turned that into that one too but eh l'm thinking well, he'll be the one explaining it later to customers right so l'll let it go, bloody funny though. Yeah my old place was built out of the real hardwoods from older days way back, one solid place frame wise but the winds had still shook her up over the yrs. Gf ex said something one night spooked me up ha ha, she says, baby who lives up stairs- she meant in the roof. Man that house use to make some noise on windy nights. l'd say ahhh, just possums but eh l'd be thinking in my head, yeah possums must be the size of elephants but thankfully it seemed to put her at ease again.

Said to d- after we'd left the property this was- didn't wanna know before hand, do you think that house was ok , did it feel comfortable to you. She said yeah, l think it was fine pretty chill really just an old house with lots of lose bits up there so thankfully she wasn't troubled all those yrs.

But yeah the clink stuff and their overkill plus as you say with her English then her MH problems on top of it, it all freaks her out so bad butttt, for me, where's the line yaknow. We aren't together so l skim but try not to get too tangled up in all the troubles anymore and we're not talking very often now sooooo. Mind you she'd be there anytime anywhere for me too butttt, her stuff never ends so l have to l put a line for myself with it all these days. Hate to put it this way but really, not my circus anymore yaknow.

Stay outa trouble ha ha.

rx

[randomxx]

ps, hope that thread stuff didn't sound pushy er , last thing l intended. And mind you l can also understand why some don't bother too.

Anywayyyy, had to go grab some food and went up rod here earlier on the way back to look at a couple of blocks. Sadly, think l'm done with the area.

Browsing about last few days , net mainly , funny how your fingers can do the driving now isn't it but it's saved me a fortune in costs time driving.

The only good size and even they're small towns anywhere near the the first place, are still 45 away on the coast but you'd be paying tourist prices for anything there anyway and still pretty small. Not to mention property prices God almighty one of them have 1 and 2million dollar house blocks not even on the beach - yeah, l'll take 3 thanks. What a joke.

But alas, there's nothing else except the one main town l knew of at the beginning . lf you want something really quiet among gorgeous country and don't mind a 45min drive to shopping and stuff, there's a fair bit for sale all though mind you though still asking 180 and up anyway just for land , place has gone mad.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx,

Thank you and that's ok, I've chatted to a couple of others about my recent stuff. I may start a thread of my own but processing some really sensitive stuff from my life at the moment, so I might do that a little further down the track if I feel able to put something out there. My goal if I did would be to help others and not just myself. It can feel a bit vulnerable though so will just see.

Yes, the person I saw again who has become a new friend is almost uncannily familiar. We even found out she has had a place in the suburb I grew up in and is still renting a place out there. She knew the places I went to school. I've struggled to connect with people here, but she is extremely easy to talk to, grounded and down to earth. I love it when I meet people who are straight forward and kind with a clear energy. You know they are made of good.

I can understand feeling ambivalent about the reading. My sense is to combine it with your own intuition and inner guidance, which at the end of the day are the most important things. But I'm guessing it can give you this broader picture of how things can pan out. I've never considered a reading until recently. But I've just had all these unusual experiences lately and I'm trying to make sense of them and I was just curious to see what someone would see or be able to tell me. I would choose a person carefully though and not go to just anyone. I seem to repeatedly know certain things myself, such as when someone I know has become seriously ill or passed away. It's the same type of feeling in my body every time which I experience at the time of the event, even when the person is far away such as my uncle in Queensland. So I am open to these things. There's a growing interest at the moment in the idea of consciousness as a shared experience that is foundational to everything else, rather than consciousness as somehow just manifesting only out of an individual brain. Scientists are looking into it so it is not just New Age stuff. I find this sort of thing fascinating.

Yes, places in the past do seem to be more commonly built from solid hardwoods. I have brick walls and asbestos on the roof, garage, shed, fence and a few other bits of structures around the place. But the timber in the frame is jarrah, a very good, solid, termite resistant local hardwood. I get possums here too, the western ringtail possum which is considered a vulnerable species. They like munching fruit in my fruit trees.

Yes, property prices just kept skyrocketing in the last few years. This town was on the cheapish side a decade ago apparently. Not so now. Places on the river and by the ocean are in the 1-3 million range and some giant mansion places have been above that. By getting an older unit I could live here, but no way could I have afforded a newer unit. Definitely Covid seemed to drive people out of the city and there's been a boom in country areas. Here in WA people are also moving to inland towns which are cheaper but also beginning to increase in value. Some of those towns were really struggling and sort of deserted and now there is this injection of interest and more money coming into those towns. I can imagine south-west Victoria is very popular. I can understand why with the Otways, Great Ocean Rd etc plus not being too far from Melbourne. Enjoy your remaining time there.

Have a great day rx,

er

[randomxx]

Brick walls along with the roof eh, extra fireproofing ha ha and bonus Jarrah frame thrown in . Yeah they were all hardwoods of some sort back in the day a lot of ours you have to predrill these days just to get nails in but my place must've been special.They used much wider than standard all through,place was a German tank.

But ah, like l said any readings grain of salt to me. Myself, l've had things all my life, some have been huge, some l shoulda coulda- ofc. The gut though usually knows that's never a problem l feel many things always have whether l listen to it has been sometimes though ha ha.

Sounds like you did well anyway hey with your place but yep whole countries gone mad.

Anyway, have a good one eh.

rx

[randomxx]

Actually though speaking of my place nah, possums were just an excuse, you should've heard some of this stuff. Sometimes middle of the night you'd get this bang so loud,the house would literally shake a bit. You could climb into the rood and swing a 3mtr beam around and not be able to make this noise.

Was amazing after 6yrs of it, after jumping out of my skin from a deep sleep, l'd just brush it off and go back to sleep.Originally l'l turn on the tv and lay awake all night bc nothing could make a bang like that l could think of.

lt was like one of the very heavy thick roof beams came off under huge pressure, like a bow string and smashed down onto the frame or something..

Gf didn't swallow some possum bs either but we'd pretend and rug sweep..

Now that we don't live there anymore though man l'd love have that place checked out.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx,

Yes, it sounds like that would have to have been one mighty big possum! We do get used to these things don’t we, whatever they are. I’ve had a number of unusual experiences, such as the tv switching itself on and starting to play a movie recorded on the hard disk recorder that was the last movie I’d watched with a loved one before they died. It did this about two nights after their passing without me touching the remote. Over the next year the hard disk/dvd player continued to switch itself on by itself at night. I just got used to it. I’m quite calm these days with unusual happenings, whereas they used to feel more freaky. The way I look at it, there’s always an explanation for something whatever it is.

I hope you are getting some nice days while still in that region. I’m sure it’s been good to check it out and get a feel for the area. I imagine taking your time to investigate a few places without any pressure is good. And it’s so true about being able to let the fingers do the walking isn’t it. It’s easier than it used to be checking places out before seeing them in person. I remember applying for rentals when I was young back in the day when you’d look in the newspaper classifieds for listings - no pics or anything and very little info. You’d phone a number, turn up at an address and see if it felt right or not. Now it’s often possible to get more of an idea beforehand.

Take care and happy travels and investigations,

er