Depression - life

[randomxx]

Hi to all.

Some will know l've had my ups and downs for sure but l wanted to start this as a new and separate thread bc the old one wound up all about gf ex.

Just for the most that won't know though and happen to drop in, l got rid of of my place 6mths back and went caravaning 51/2 mths, just couldn't deal with another place at the time and just felt like a bloody good break and rest first.

Wasn't sure how l'd feel about it but it wasn't bad and at times really nice just being free for a bit but later 50s there were also the worries of what to do when l get back. Well back now is too my other place it's not really that l had two houses the second one is just a country block with a cabin in a tiny town that l just rent out, never lived there. Well the tenant moved out so that's where l've come back to, l need to fix it up and sell it toward my new place.

This little town this whole thing , not doing me any good at all in this stage of life. l did have to get out of my other place don't regret it it had to be done but it's just been such a huge last 10yrs or so. Divorce and all thenlater on just broken up with later new gf now ex just last yr and now all this and here l am in this place- and then l'll be somewhere else to where l'm thinking of moving to, maybe even building . lf so it'll only be small and minimalist buttt, ldk

Just feel like total bs it's all too much and it's like what in the hell am l even doing especially here right now and at this age but ldk how else l could've done things.l had to get out of my last place, l have to be here to fix up this one and it's somewhere at least to stay, it'll be  a few mths.

Been coming here 20yrs keeping this place up and all the same people are still here couples been together and still here all that time and still sitting in their homes watching tv and doing their lives together.

The total opposite lives to mine and now l;m even single and here doing this and then wherever later restarting again andddd, it's all just sooooo, words l can't use here.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hi therising and rx,

I feel like the idea of standing guard can be quite useful in terms of making sure our own needs are a priority. I used to have very little to no protection of myself, not only in relation to the external world, but also in relation to my own inner dialogue and self-treatment. In my case it’s definitely linked to early trauma but I’m slowly developing boundaries not just in relation to others but in terms of how I treat myself. So it becomes possible to make decisions such as prioritising my health and well being. Inner dialogue probably has numerous potential causes. Finding the key to transforming the depressing kind into the nurturing kind (a kind of self-supporting discipline) I think does have, as you have often mentioned, so much to do with imagination. My inner world at present is very active, especially with visions. I’m finding those visions are illustrating things to me. They may be confusing at first but then they make sense and often show me insights about my inner world in the most creative ways.

Dr Amen deciding to study neurology as well as psychiatry makes a lot of sense. The problem with specialisation in medicine is that specialists often don’t see, understand or often even consider things outside their area of expertise. I always like it when a specialist makes that effort to see the bigger picture. I really like the idea of reforming the brain away from disorder. I’ve been reading things about the idea of negative entropy in relation to somatic trauma healing - tapping into the inner processes that are the reverse of entropy. And that has an interesting crossover with things I’ve been learning about consciousness and processes that help a psyche heal that are also the reverse of entropy. Jung’s work on the active imagination in conjunction with the collective unconscious were along these lines. And the physicist Thomas Campbell, although pretty out there with some of his ideas, talks about the larger consciousness system that is innately working towards the reverse of entropy and how we can tap into that with our individual consciousness. He has some interesting things to say about people with forms of mental illness and how their system is seeking healing in this context.

Yes, the internet has made it much easier to have so much info at our fingertips. Libraries were (and still are) helpful too. As I live a bit more remotely now I do appreciate the access to the world I have via the internet. My local library is tiny though it can get things in. I think remaining enthusiastic learners of life is so important, as you say. Always staying open and curious really helps 🙂

[randomxx]

Yeah , the in doing things in easier ways for me, looking before l leap, being able to see goods and bads at a glance and far better with age, the gravels verses bitumen . l mean l'm talking across the boards even in how l look after myself and with things that'll do me good rather than not so much, or that keep me grounded verses otherwise, l find right through in life.

For me it;s all just a natural process, over time and all just naturally protects you far more so , guards you, in all sorts of ways. The heart, energy, MH and health in general, finacially, emotionally, happiness, physically, time you put into something verses time you would've wasted back when but the ways you will use now verses paths you would've taken earlier and on and on too. Just life in other words and natural self preservation.

The old saying in other words, do what you always do you'll get what you always got - thankfully we wise up ha ha.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

That’s so wise rx. I agree, it’s like a natural learning process we have to do - no way round it. We have to make some mistakes and have some hiccups along the way in order to see differently. I can tell that without the challenging experiences I’ve been through I would have less wisdom, empathy, insight, compassion etc. Life is a fantastic teacher and just staying curious and grounded through it all seems to be the best way. It’s coming back to those things that help us to feel whole and connected.

[randomxx]

Ahhh, thanks er.

Ps, nice to hear your moods and peace too right now house wise btw , it's a really good way of playing the situation out.

The pros and cons of both are lives really pretty ridiculous really aren't they l've tossed with all the same stuff. Me personally l'm going for a good sized and very nice but still regional area myself l've decided but it's also pretty close to Melb and family too and so it has a great people mixe all through the areas and surrounds.

lt's the same one l've been weighing up a few yrs now but with my roam about l'm feeling even better about it of late so without drumming anything up too much just yet l am pretty pleased though.

Wisdom ha, yeah. l was reckless and very gun hoe in younger days. Talking to extreme, nothing to load the car and move states and lots more just as big. Weird mix where l saw more than most but l was also 3x reckless thought anything was possible.

So all that side of things naturally just had to be worked on and matured. Couldn't go on like that l'd have one mess of a life so luckily most of that came naturally as l also saw myself and my ways before it got any worse and then getting older and hopefully wising up a bit also threw into the mix.

Or something like that ha ha.

rx

[therising]

Life can definitely be a challenging landscape to navigate at times, that's for sure. As you both mention, you learn how to navigate with feeling and experience, including learning which parts of life's landscape are no go zones (in the way of mental health and more). I admire you rx, for being such a fearless navigator through your earlier territory in life. While I can do low level fearlessness, nothing too overwhelmingly confronting, sometimes I wish I had the opportunity for comparison. Kinda like wishing I could say 'I remember back to the days when I was a fearless risk taker who just went with the call from 'the passionate adventurer' in me. I think it's time to return to that nature to some degree'. I don't say it from a depressing perspective, more as a matter of fact, that there's no now and then to compare (in truly inspiring ways). Back then it was more so about drinking, rather than doing anything truly amazing to return to. So now it's about figuring out how to fully come to life at 54. I am intrigued when it comes to how to do it. I am full of wonder. I like the idea of the so called '3rd age'. The 1st age or stage involves our younger years, the 2nd is about being a grown up and doing grown up things like earning money and the 3rd is meant to be about returning or turning again to doing what kids do (living life passionately) while having the cash to splash. The 3rd stage is about the best of both worlds, something to look forward to 😊

Er, to become a seer is an exciting thing. To develop strategies for being able to see clearly, at will, even more exciting. You are on your way to incredible mastery. Next level would involve seeing for others as well, something I believe you already do. As you say, not everything you see will make sense until it does make sense. That reminds me of a well known seer who people consult for many different reasons. He once recounted how 'broken' he thought his ability was when a woman employed his services to gain some insight regarding her friend's passing. Try as he may, he couldn't see or hear anything other than a monkey which was consistently coming to mind. Eventually, while embarrassed, he admitted to the woman what he was seeing and hearing. She laughed and said to him 'My friend and I promised each other that if by some chance one of us passes and the other consults a psychic, our code word will be 'Monkey'. An amusing story. Btw, you've inspired a sense of wonder in me, regarding Thomas Campbell. I shall take a peek into his ideas.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx and tr,

Rx, it sounds like you are settling into what is going to be good for you where you plan to live. I think having a great mix of people is a good thing. You will have the best of both worlds, being regional but also being close to Melbourne and family. If you are feeling pleased that’s a pretty good sign. I think how we feel is often a better gauge than mentally analysing things. Something can seem like the logical option, but it’s kind of our heart and gut that tell us where we really want to be. Though utilising/coordinating both head and heart can be helpful.

As far as early recklessness goes, I think it’s not uncommon in youth. In my case, reckless was not probably quite the right word. But I was very idealistic at times and would set myself big goals/ideals with regard to projects I wanted to do, then find it’s going to be more involved than I thought. I still was doing that up until relatively recently, kind of biting off more than I can chew. My idealistic and creative brain areas collide and go crazy, but the part that needs to be more grounded doesn’t always get a look in. So trying to stabilise my excitable idealistic side is the challenge. I won’t ever lose that trait but it needs some balance.

The rising, your mention of the seer and the monkey reminded me of a podcast I listened to the other night with interspecies communicator Anna Breytenbach. Early in her experience as a communicator she was trying to understand a dog’s sadness but couldn’t connect with a clear sense of what was happening. She saw, in a vision, a man’s bicep and an eagle and wondered why she was seeing that. She told the owner what she saw and the owner said her partner who had passed had an eagle tattoo on his bicep. She realised the dog was missing him. That’s when she knew she was onto something as a communicator.

Thomas Campbell has come up with a Big Theory of Everything which is a bit much to summarise here. He understands we are pieces of consciousness in what he calls the Larger Consciousness System. This system is based on probability. When humans act with kindness and wholeness it evolves the system away from entropy. When humans do the opposite it leads the system towards entropy (second law of thermodynamics in physics). He considers that many people develop mental illness not because they are the problem, but because society is structured in such a way that sensitive people often are excluded, mistreated or have trouble competing in the system. Those who are a bit to a lot different can fall between the cracks and can be the ones who end up institutionalised. But he considers the system moves away from entropy when we treat these vulnerable people with respect, kindness and understanding instead of judgement and labelling. At first some of his ideas sound outlandish, and his analogy of us being avatars in a virtual reality doesn’t entirely work for me, but is still interesting and helpful conceptually. I like his compassion. He sees value in understanding the meanings of visions etc in mental health conditions too rather than just labelling it all as pathology. He has had a long involvement with psi abilities/phenomena that started from his own experiences which of course puts him at odds with many materialist scientists.

Well off to bed for me now. I hope you both sleep well 😴 

[therising]

Hi ER

Idealistic and creative facets of self can definitely be challenging at times, for so many reasons. While it can be ideal to create what is truly brilliant, while pulling some thing or experience out of the imagination and into reality, is it affordable (money and time wise)? Do we have the expertise to pull it off? Is the perfectionist in us going to go to town on us if it doesn't work out perfectly and are any imperfections going to fuel our inner critic? Also, is such a thing going to hold our attention to the point where we can see it through to completion? Ahh, that longing for logic to help balance things out is completely relatable. Logic could say 'That is completely affordable, entirely do-able, truly brilliant but you'll need to tweak it a little, this thing you imagine. You need to re-imagine it in a slightly different way. Here's how...'. Logic leads the way a little.

While seers traditionally tend to be regarded as prophets, I think it's far more simplistic than that. They're simply people who can see through their mind's eye. What they see is a whole other story. Whether we become seers or visionaries based on past mental health challenges (I'll touch on that one in a sec), seers who can pull brilliant stuff out of our imagination or those who can see a host of other things, we're all seers in some capacity. With the mental health challenge factor, I think most of us could see and feel where covid lockdowns were heading in 2020. While into the 2nd one, here in Victoria, I can recall thinking 'Why the hell can the government not see where this is heading? Why is no one addressing the mental health challenges here? This is not going to go well, at all'. All the focus was on physical health. So, whether we're seeing future mental health issues, monkeys, a tattoo of an eagle, the best possible adventure to have after doing a home reno or something else, we're all visionaries in some capacity.

I definitely will look into Campbell's work. I absolutely love theories. They fascinate me. Of course, we don't have to believe in every theory we come across. We can simple chew on them a little. With so many theories out there, it's like a buffet for the imagination. 'I'll put a little of this on my plate, a little of that and, oh, some of these would be great'. All of a sudden, we have a plateful of fascinating possibilities. An open mind loves a buffet but I've learned an open mind must also be managed, otherwise we can be led to believe in pretty much anything. It can't hurt to simply wonder, imagine and be amazed.

[randomxx]

Hi there er.

Yeah ofc , feelings are everything for me that's just the logical heart and gut all flowing together. Which is the way it should be but that's also what l was meaning in saying l'm feeling some of that with you atm so l think for now your on the right track until further notice as they say.

My own sitch , ldk , no pressure , expectations  but we shall see.

But funny , yeah on the reckless thing oh nooo, l was above and beyond anything or 99% of most even remotely average but as l said in huge things , life changing or as was often the case effg things . lf l put in further examples here l'd be cringing even now and so would anyone reading it but hey, not goin there ha ha.

Anyway, gorgeous whether where l am atm , l'll be here for a wk or so more waiting on some deliveries . The nights really chill right up but the days are just spectacular , so nice so thoroughly enjoying it for now and just love the country side round these parts too. l'm only about an hr 10 away from where l'm going next .

Some other people stopping here and l had a fire last not , so nice in this setting and a good yack over a few beers, was nice.

rx

[randomxx]

This areas called central goldfields and man , such a beautiful climate through here where l'm at right now other parts get pretty miserable from here on this time of yr but this region , really something. The weather this time of yr is just mind blowing and the nights don't actually do that freezing up thing until v late so the skies earlier in the night are just magical. Does get pretty hot through summer though.

Mind you , seems as l've gone this far with all this right now l'm half tempted to take a slight detour errrr, up to Darwin - while l'm at it. Perfect time up there atm speaking of weather, always wanted to go and seems as this will probably be my last in traveling anywhere much later well , we'll just call it very tempting. Doubt l will though l might never stop if l go much further but it'd just make restarting later even harder too. Don't feel like that as it is but if this stuff now went on too long l'll prob never feel like it.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hi tr and rx,

Therising, I think where logic gets missed for me is that my imagining/dreaming tendency, perhaps linked to my dissociative tendencies, isn’t grounded enough in the practicalities. I’ve known how to be very hopeful/idealistic in the past, but thinking through the steps can be difficult which I know is linked to my ADHD tendencies. I tend to see the interconnected nature of everything at once too, but to actually get things done you have to break things down into components. A project sometimes needs to be broken down into a single thread or idea to move forward successfully, rather than juggling many interconnected threads which can be paralysing. It’s good to see the interconnections but things need to be simplified to be achievable. That’s been a big learning curve for me.

Yes, I think seers are not like super humans or prophets. They’ve just learned to hone certain kinds of insight and intuition. Certain types of seeing are more common in some cultures than others, so certain skills will be developed by more people in some societies. Being able to still the mind and work with different states of consciousness at different frequencies allows different ways of perceiving.

Thomas Campbell said he had altered consciousness tendencies since a child but still became a materialist scientist in the beginning. But when he began to learn transcendental meditation he quickly began to see solutions to scientific problems he wasn’t seeing before. He found/saw answers that he later verified as correct when he went back to the lab. He realised a different way of seeing gave him insights he couldn’t get otherwise. So his theory has grown out of those experiences. But, yes, it’s good to evaluate/reflect on theories - explore them to see how they gel or not with our own experiences of the world.

Rx, it can be so lovely those chilly, clear nights followed by beautiful days. I find this can be such a beautiful time of year here too. Having the fire and some others to chat to sounds really nice, out under the stars. Well Darwin would be lovely right now I imagine. I understand just wanting to jump in the car and head up there. I get those impulses too - wanting to see this or that place. I guess see how you feel over the next week or so. The Central Goldfields sound lovely too. I just googled that area in relation to autumn and saw all the beautiful colours. I imagine it looks extra lovely round there at the moment. I’ve been thinking of visiting some towns in my region with the autumn colours. Will see how I go. Enjoy the beautiful weather!