DEPRESSION IS TAKING OVER MY BODY

[Pineapple8]

Ive been anxious for many year and as of recent have fallen into a deep depression. I physically can not move some days, I feel so sick to my stomach, tired, extremely unmotivated and see no point in anything.

My thoughts have gotten more negative and I’m always thinking ‘what if?’ and it is honestly debilitating. I don’t see the point in anything, I have no motivation and I’m SO SCARED.

The depression began when my partner went away with his friends to Bali. He was away for nine days and has been back for almost a month, but I still have not been able to shake this depression. I’m so angry at myself.

I’ve seen a psychologist 4 times and have been prescribed an antidepressant which I have just started today. Any tips or can anyone share their experience?

it feels like a death sentence and I truly feel like I’m in the process of dying? I feel so scared and want to feel my old self again.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Pineapple8,

Welcome to the forum and it is really great to see you reaching out here. It takes a lot of courage to get support when you are feeling so heavy with symptoms and I commend you finding the strength to post here as well as seek support from your psychologist. You are not alone and we are listening.

I know that feeling this heavy feels like it will never end and that each day is a struggle. In my experience as a nurse who has helped 100s of people with depression, I can tell you that it takes time to recover and finding daily support is really important. Sometimes support looks like a post on the forum, support could be a phone call to a friend, or a brief walk to the end of the street. Doing something small everyday and acknowledging this as an achievement is so important. You will find that as the days pass and the medication starts to do its job, you will very slowly start to gain some energy back. Keeping a mood journal and tracking your progress can help also. There is a free app called Daylio linked here: https://daylio.webflow.io

Recovery from depression takes a different length of time for each individual. Sometimes the ways in which you speed up the process of recovery seems counterintuitive. Resting, eating well, getting light exercise and doing one social thing a week might be your recovery strategy. Many people just want the depression to lift and get impatient and try to overextend themselves.

I try and have people think about the recovery from the perspective of a broken leg and then try to look at depression in a similar way. For example if you break a leg, uou have to rest, walk slowly for a while and perhaps use crutches and a cast. You might get people to help you and take on some of the jobs you used to do. After a while, the cast will come off but building up strength takes time by gently increasing your activity and physiotherapy. After quite a while, you will be running on the leg again.

Recovery from depression also occurs in a process. The great news is that you have started your healing process with strength. You have seen a psychologist, started medications, and are now reaching out for support here on the forum. You are well on your road to recovery. I know that it is so scary when you don't know how long it will take exactly but you are doing all the right things to get back to yourself.

I hope to hear more about your recovery journey and your story. Be kind to yourself.

Nurse Jenn

[Warren2103]

Hi Pineapple8,

Like most people on these forums, I can totally relate to how you're feeling in terms of motivation levels, tiredness and general feelings of "what's the point". I'm currently going through my second "what I would call" significant anxiety and depression phase (my first real one was back in 2015) and tomorrow is my fourth visit to my psych. I will start antidepressants tonight given I've held off on wanting to go on medication since the beginning of September this year when it all started. I've been crying nearly every day this week because my negative thoughts have gotten the better of me and taken me to places and created life scenarios that I know most likely don't even exist. That's what anxiety does, it twists your mind against you, latches onto small life events and then amplifies them which directly feeds your depression. I'm having difficulty sleeping and after having a month off work due to recovering from surgery, I hope I can focus as I start a new role next week. This is what I'm currently experiencing. I accept that it's a shit situation to be in and am dealing with it the best I can by following what my GP and Psych say. Everything that Nurse Jenn has said above is great advice. I'm going through this again because I realise I didn't do it right the first time. Keep seeing your Psych for as long as you need too, take your anti's and do things at your pace. Talk to friends and family and stay connected to people. It's important not to isolate yourself even if you have to force yourself to be social. I've been making social plans even though I don't feel like it. My anti's will take about 3 to 4 weeks to kick in so I just need to hold on until then. I hope me sharing my experience has helped you in some way that you are not alone even though it feels like you are. There are millions of people the world over in our situation, we all have different triggers but the feelings are all the same.

[Doolhof]

Hi Pineapple8 and Warren,

Thank you both for sharing your stories here. As already mentioned, when we have depression it can be very difficult to feel like doing actives, to make plans and have goals. Pushing through the barriers is so beneficial.

Earlier this year I was in a very bad place mentally. I didn't know how I was going to keep going. Thankfully I had some family members and friends, plus wonderful people here who were supportive and encouraging.

Some things that helped me and still assist me are :

- a healthy diet

- exercise even if it is a short walk a couple of times a day

- trying to do something I enjoy, reading a book, drawing a picture, watching a movie etc

- accept that some days are not as pleasant as I would like them to be!

- remind myself I can try again tomorrow

- this depression will not last forever

- I have a gratitude diary and also a journal I write all the horrible thoughts in

- keep in touch with my Dr and let him know how I am travelling

- read ideas on how to cope with depression

- volunteering helped me as well.

Knowing other people experience the same or similar issues can help as well.

Hope you both find ways to cape and improve your depression.

Cheers from Dools

[therising]

Hi Pineapple8

A bit of an unusual way of looking at depression but having experienced many years in depression and having come out of it, I hope this helps shed some light:

I believe most of us, if we're fortunate, begin life on a high. We're typically highly adventurous, highly loving, highly non-judgemental and so on. It's hard to deny that some things or people along the way gradually drain us in a number of ways. We're basically taught to 'get serious' and ground our self out of our imagination. We're taught love (distorted) is conditional and that we must work hard to measure up in a number of ways. Sounds pretty draining, hey?!

So, who raises us as we go through life. If we reflect long and hard enough, there are plenty of places in our life where we can put our finger on how we were drained to a low point, bit by bit, but who exactly raises us. We may have had that inspirational parent or teacher throw some sage guidance and support our way here and there but how many folk seriously concentrated on helping us 'vibe up' every single day, raising our innocent sense of love, our imagination and so on?

Everything on Dools' list is a definite energy raiser. In the way of raising our energy, we can achieve it in a couple of ways: Through relaxed activity or by actively relaxing (de-stressing). They're simple ways to charge up. I find it helps if I imagine myself as a human battery sometimes. May sound weird but if you concentrate long enough you can actually feel the energy in your feet buzzing. Quantum physics backs up the fact that we are energetic creatures. If you can feel the charge in your feet, I hope this manages to raise a smile 🙂

By the way, there's nothing wrong with challenging people to raise you. Seriously...challenge them! High vibers will jump at the challenge, perhaps to the point where it becomes a passionate project. The less energetic (for their own reasons) will struggle with finding the conscious energy. Some may be struggling to raise themselves out of their own depression.

I hope that once you begin rising out of depression, you find joy in watching the 'non you' parts of yourself die off. I found that in such a process, we are eventually left with a wise and mature version of that child self that lived freely. We can remember how much we loved our self through playing with life.

I never realised how soul-destroyingly drained I'd become until I found myself in depression. I lovingly recall the things that raised me out.

Take care