Depression is crippling

[Musiclover10]

Hi everyone,

I am currently in a deep depression and at a total loss. I have been clinically depressed many times in the past and overcome it, but I just can't seem to pull myself out of this one. At least not on my own. I believe the trigger was chronic physical pain which I had for several weeks before the black dog set in. Feeling frustrated, hopeless and worn down by physical pain that I didn't have answers or a cure for and no idea when it would subside etc. I still am experiencing a bit of physical pain but my biggest issue now is the way I am feeling emotionally.

I am struggling to get out of bed every day. Waking early and just staying there for hours, not wanting to face the day. It's getting harder every day. I'm finding it hard to communicate with those closest to me, even being around people is hard. I feel like I've been trying and pushing through for several weeks, despite feeling down and flat but now it's really interfering with my daily functioning and I've reached the point where I've given up trying. It all seems hopeless. And I feel incredibly low. I'm cancelling plans and don't feel I'll be able to go to work next week. I also have a wedding in a couple of months and I am in the bridal party. It's such an important event and I'm so worried because of how I'm feeling.

Please help 😞

[Sophie_M]

Hey Musiclover10,

Thank you so much for showing your strength in making the decision to reach out and be so open and honest about how you're feeling. We're so sorry to hear how much you're struggling right now, but please know that you're not alone in this. We understand it can be a really tough thing to reach out and ask for help, but please know that our community are here to help support you through this, and we are also currently getting in touch with you privately to check in and offer some extra support to make sure you're doing okay at this moment.
  
Can we also ask if you currently, or have previously had any mental health support? We understand how tough it can be to cope with all of this on your own- do think you'd feel comfortable opening up to your GP about how you've been feeling lately? We hope that you also feel welcome to reach out and talk these feelings through with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back (1300 659 467) during overwhelming moments like these when things are feeling like too much to cope with. The understanding counsellors are here for you anytime of the night, or day, and it can be incredibly helpful having a supportive voice to talk to on the other end of the line. 

We hope that you can find some comfort in the kindness from our community, and please feel free to continue updating us here on your thread whenever you feel ready to. We're all here for you.

[therising]

Hi Musiclover10

I feel for you so very much as you try your hardest to manage the overwhelming challenges with you mental and physical health. The incredible struggle with the physical pain sounds like it's thoroughly exhausted you.

You mention having dealt with chronic depression several times in the past and managing to raise yourself through and out of those depressions. This is something to be incredibly proud of. Unless people have faced depression before, it's hard for them to imagine how much work it actually takes to raise yourself out, as well as how much work it takes to manage staying out. As a gal who's managed to stay out for a number of years, with occasionally teetering on the brink, I find it's incredible how much self understanding needs to be developed over time.

You might agree that just when you think you've got yourself all worked out, along comes a new challenge which is leading you to work out why your body and mind are doing what they're doing. Personally, I'm one of those mind/body/spirit kind of gals. I like to look at things from 3 different perspectives when it comes to working myself out. Wondering if you can relate

Mentally, you may focus on imagining the pain lasting forever. No doubt, this is depressing. In the beginning you may have imagined a quick and simple solution but your thoughts gradually turned to imagining the worst, especially if people led you to imagine no positive difference. Some people make shocking leaders, hey 🙂 It's kind of like being led to feel a sense of hopelessness

Physically/chemically, thoughts or imagination can trigger chemistry. The chemistry goes on to become mind altering on a whole new level. Before you know it, you've got a lack of all the chemistry that normally leads you to feel happy or at peace. The lack can become depressing. It's almost like you can feel the lack

Naturally, we're energy. Ask a spiritualist or quantum physicist, they'll both agree a lack of energy can be deeply impacting. While we're in pain, we can lack the ability to generate energy through exercise and the lack of energy restoration we get through sleep may not be as good as we think. The mental exhaustion that comes with the pain can also be draining. I've gradually come to realise it takes energy to feel feelings. If I'm exhausted, I can't feel a thing. I thrive on my feelings, so if I'm not careful, 'numbness' can become depressing for me; 'numbness' is one of my triggers. Wonder if you feel the same.

🙂

[Mollygeorge11]

You are not alone, I can relate 100%. Thanks for being brave enough to post.

[Musiclover10]

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I am still doing it tough.. every day is a real struggle and effort and I wonder if things will ever get better and if I'll ever feel happy again. I know I've beaten depression before but it just feels so much harder this time. Like it's easier to give in to it than fight it. Can anyone relate to that? I am really struggling to get out of bed. Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to manage this? I just can't seem to break the cycle. I do however at times have a brief moment or period of positivity and hope but it doesn't last long enough. I am starting medication tonight but know that can take several weeks to kick in.

[therising]

Hi Musiclover10

What you say about giving in to depression, I can relate. Finding myself on the brink of fully going back in on several occasions, I've thought 'I'm familiar with this, I was use to it once. Maybe I can do it again but perhaps more carefully, for I'm not sure if I have the energy to work to stay out of it'. As you'd know, even the brink can feel soul destroying when you've faced depression before. When I experience these episodes, sometimes in tears, what comes to mind is inspirational, 'You may be able to do depression again but you may not be able to survive the very depths'. I recall the darkness of the depths and then fight with every ounce of my being to not go there.

Sounds simplistic but the only thing to break a cycle is a difference. Whether from a mental or a physical perspective, a difference changes what's going on. My chiropractor, who's a miracle worker, mentioned to me just the other day the benefits of certain pain meds that I'm on short term. He mentioned how the body can't begin to heal itself until you break the pain cycle. He's right. Breaking the cycle triggers the process of coming out of a constant state of dis-ease (unease).

The question with mental dis-ease comes down to what breaks the mental pain cycle. Of course, the right med will do it, as it changes the chemistry, but how do you manage while you're waiting for the chemistry to kick in? From my own experience, the only thing that significantly breaks a mental cycle is...a revelation. In short, the right revelation makes a difference. Sometimes I may even ask myself 'What is this potentially depressing challenge trying to reveal to me?' Sounds trippy but it's like meditating on wonder, opening your mind to wonder as opposed to stating what you believe. Let whatever needs to come to mind come in. A closed mind, fixated on a belief, will block everything.

Give you an example: Up until some time ago, I believed I wasn't all that important in my marriage, I wasn't worth the effort. After years, this was actually becoming depressing. I eventually opened my mind to wonder and what naturally popped in, 'Observe his behaviour more closely'. This is exactly what I did, for weeks. Mind altering revelation: My husband is so incredibly lazy when it comes to managing the marriage whereas I've worked mindblowingly hard, in so many ways, to bring it to life. The revelation overrode the old belief.

Do you have any idea what your challenges are trying to reveal to you?

🙂

[ANT333]

Hi

Whilst I don’t have any advice for you I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I too am in a deep depression that I can’t seem to get out of so I know exactly how hopeless you are feeling. I wish I could help but all I can do is let you know you are not alone.

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