Depression during illness

[Tired_Mumma]

Hi all, I’m new here and want to share what I’m experiencing in the hope someone out there can offer advice.

Ive suffered depression previously & know enough to realise it is creeping back to haunt me at present.
Ive recently been diagnosed with chronic cholecystitis/ inflammation of the gall bladder. I have endured 2 years of symptoms & a myriad of tests to get to this point. Other health issues have been discovered along the way, diverticula disease, hiatus hernia, ovarian cyst

All of these issues have similar symptoms of varying degree, hence the difficulties with diagnosis.

Now I am awaiting surgery in the public health system. Could be up to a 12 mnth wait they say. My condition will worsen over time & possibly affect my liver function, but it’s not classified an emergency.
I cannot eat, barely tolerating smoothies & juice only. I have no energy, I’m constantly tired, no motivation, can’t sleep well, can’t exercise due to pain, don’t want to leave the house, none of my clothes beyond pjs fit my ever growing abdomen & I’ve little $ to shop new ones, I have varying pain all day every day & I don’t want to rely on 24hr pain meds which will add to the death of my liver among other things.
My house is a shit storm, I cannot will myself to make decisions let alone do anything. I can literally sit in a spot all day & do nothing. I’ve tried reading, podcasts, movies etc now I’m bored with everything & don’t want to. I look at the 3 wk old dirty dishes everyday & quickly turn away & shut it out. Same with the smell in the fridge. I shower once a week . My dr isn’t helping. I’m too tired to find another.
Sorry for the mile long thread

[Sophie_M]

Hey Tired Mumma,

Welcome to the forums. We're really grateful that you decided to reach out today, and we hope you find this to be a safe space for you to share your thoughts and feelings. We are so sorry to hear what you're going through, and how difficult things have been for you in the past couple of years. It sounds like it must be really overwhelming and exhausting to be experiencing these health issues and pain, which is understandably having a big impact on your mental health as well. We can hear how difficult everything must be to cope with, but please know that you deserve support, and and our wonderful community are here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

You have mentioned that you have suffered depression previously- can we ask if you are you have previously or are currently receiving mental health support? If not, we'd really recommend getting in touch with our Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these experiences and feelings with you, and can help offer support, advice and referrals to help you during this difficult time.

We would also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you can find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer, and please do feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.

[therising]

Hi Tired Mumma

First, just want to say that I believe you to be superhuman 🙂 To be putting up with this amount of pain is incredible. To say your doctor isn't helping is definitely an understatement. Sounds like finding a doctor who will help is the ultimate challenge here. As you say, you're too exhausted to find a new doctor but, for a moment, imagine yourself in the future saying 'I can't believe I put up with that much pain for so long. What the heck was that doctor thinking?!'

Before having my gallbladder removed, due to stones and inflammation, what I can say about the attacks is they were physically and mentally overwhelming and incredibly exhausting. Excruciating is an understatement. I've given birth to 2 kids and I'd put gallbladder attack pain up there in the same category of pain but I don't have to tell you that, hey.

I suppose if you were to look at things this way - my body is in an almost constant state of dis-ease (unease/stress) - searching for a doctor who's going to offer you greater health and more energy is worth the search. Wondering if you've ever questioned your doctor. Have you ever asked 'Why is that ovarian cyst still in me if it's possibly going to rupture (if that is a possibility)? Why is my gallbladder still in me (something my body really doesn't need that much) if it's causing me this much excruciating dis-ease?' If the response was 'It's not an emergency', I would beg to differ. 'What are we exactly waiting for to emerge; mental health issues, complications, pure exhaustion, lifestyle dysfunction, liver failure?' Hmmm.

I know I may sound a little bit triggered and that's because I am. Actually, not a little bit, a lot. You deserve so much better. I hate to think of you in so much pain. You are an absolute superstar when it comes to tolerating pain but enough's enough. At what point do things become intolerable?

Finding a doctor who serves you in the best ways possible is something you are owed. By the way, wondering if the next time you experience a bout of extreme pain you just cut out the middle man and call an ambulance and go off to hospital. Imagine a doctor there saying 'Oh my goodness, that gallbladder has to come out straight away!'

🙂

[Tired_Mumma]

Thank you so much for sympathising, I have tears ❤️ just because I know you understand.
I have already changed Drs once & it’s v difficult to get in a practice at all where I live- hence the Dr issue & the waiting game. I have been to hospital twice, treated for pain & sent home. Because I’m not eating much I’m not having attacks as such it’s more a constant dull pain, sometimes worse with activity e.g getting up from bed/ chair/ lounge

I have an apt tomorrow for blood test follow up so I’ll have a good moan to my Dr & see what happens. I know he can refer me straight to hospital, it’s then a matter of if hospital has a bed.

[Tired_Mumma]

Thank you for your support. I will call today at some stage, kind of need to build myself up for a discussion on the phone. I know it helps but I also know I will cry, get a headache & feel exhausted afterwards & I’m working from home full time so need composure.