Hi MiddleOfNowhere,
Thank you so much for your post, and I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It sounds like you're really focused on the future and what it will hold for you, which rings true for me as an overthinker who constantly worries about philosophical questions of purpose and the meaning of life. For me, I'm terrified of my partner dying, or anybody I love. So you're not alone with these thoughts, I know plenty of people who worry about this too.
As someone who's also experienced burnout in the past few years from excess homework, work and stress, I completely understand your position and know what it's like to be overwhelmed like this. I agree that it may be a good idea to take some time off. I'd encourage you to focus on yourself, and recognise what it is in life that you want. Not just career-wise, but in terms of what fulfils you and makes you happy. For me, I'm happiest when I'm engaging in creative pursuits, so I want to make sure that I'm doing something long-term that satisfies my creative drive.
14 hours of work sounds like a lot, especially if you're not entirely happy with the job that you're in. In this instance, I'd prioritise yourself and your own needs, and if you can, maybe find yourself a job that gives you more satisfaction and allows you to make time for yourself. I know that you feel you may not like the next job you try to pursue, but honestly, I would encourage you to try it out. I think about it this way: with each new workplace you enter, you give yourself more insight into what you value and do not value in a working environment.
I would also encourage you to seek out some kind of virtual therapy, as it may be useful for you to have a regular, stable figure in your life with whom you can share these thoughts and feelings, especially as you say you would find it difficult to discuss this with your husband.
I wish you the very best with this situation and hope that you find clarity, solace, and happiness.
Best wishes, SB
