depression and don't care..

[Simmy]

More often than not I suffer from low level depression. Not bad enough that I cant get out of bed, however its bad enough that I don't really care about myself that much. Let me explain..

I feel like I do things because I have to not because I want to. I only want to be here because I have family. I feel like I wouldn't care if I was here or not if I didn't have them. Its always an effort to work, keep fit, keep up my hobbies. I only work a few days a week but I am a full time parent. Work and hobbies are things I have to do to help me stay well, its not that I really care about them that much. In fact I hate my job. I don't have the academic ability, money or dedication to go onto something better. I wish I could get excited about life. I have been excited (rarely) about my hobbies but then reality sinks in that I'm actually talentless and find it difficult to remember and or retain information. I'm lucky that my teenage kids are pretty good and doing well. If they were not I would not cope. Every day is mental preparation and planning so I can get through it. I pretend I'm happy when I'm around people. I distract myself at home, sometimes it works, sometimes not. I do take anti depressants. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 37. 10 years ago. I feel like I'm just here with a heart beat.

[BballJ]

Hi Simmy ,

Welcome back to the forums.

Christmas time is a tough time of year for a lot of people so I can see how it would stress you out, I understand you're divorced now but I am sure it was for valid reasons. We all have regrets in life about things and the way they should of been handled but hindsight really is a heck of a thing. If you could go back, what career would you choose? Is there anything stopping you from doing it now?

I think speaking to a new professional and getting a different perspective is the key. Sure what you are saying is the same but how they interpret it and give advice may be very different and challenge your way of thinking.

Hopefully everything goes alright with the blood tests.

My best,

Jay

[Simmy]

Hi,

I haven’t been online for years.

I'm going through menopause and living on my own...I didn’t think menopause would affect my mood so greatly. I feel like a cannon waiting to explode. I’ve been keeping away from people. Always making excuses.
I’m on HRT

Sick of it all.
Nothing is getting me off the couch.
only by my own internal force. Here we go again is the usual response/bodily language reaction. I’m over myself and the battle.

People just see me as a grumpy middle age woman.
I’ve lost any vibrancy and my hormones are out of control. Well something is out of control.