FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Depressed.

nib
Community Member

I am not sure what to do at this point?

My mother drinks and gambles excessively, and I am beyond surprised that she hasn't touched the thousands of dollars that is on her credit card yet. I always pay the bills for her using her money that she works for, so that we can live under a roof with gas and electricity, for example, and I make sure that this is done on time. I have tried speaking with my mother about the effects that her drinking and gambling have on myself in particular, but she either totally dismisses it, or she causes an argument over it. Now, I am not perfect, I drink alcohol (I haven't been for nearly a year as I am on a community treatment order and also because the medications I take can cause me to experience a sore stomach when I drink certain alcoholic beverages), and I most certainly enjoy playing the pokies myself. But, I never put in a fifty-dollar note after a fifty-dollar note after and fifty-dollar note in order to try and win the Major Jackpot, which mum has won a few times now. Our arguments over her addictions often become very heated, and it sometimes get to the point where we both assault each other. My father remains neutral whenever my mother and I argue, although he does agree that my mother has an addictions to drinking and gambling. I have tried to remove myself from the situation whenever we argue by simply going into my bedroom or by driving home from our local pub. But this never works, as my mother either follows me into my bedroom whilst screaming at me, or she would ring me and send me text messages repeatedly, demanding for me to answer her. I just can't win. I have also phoned a gambling hotline and the lady who spoke with me was very helpful. She suggested that I find somewhere else to live, but my family are very selfish and will not allow me to live with them, and neither will my best friend and her family. Literally nobody cares about me. They just want to see me miserable.

I love my mother very much, but she refuses to seek psychological assistance in order to aide her with her addiction to drinking and gambling, and with mending our mother-daughter relationship. I no longer have a relationship with my aunt and grandmother, and I really want one with my mother.

16 Replies 16

nib
Community Member

Hi Goldwing03,

My mother, father and I all went out to a pub today, like we usually do every Saturday and Sunday, with me being under the impression that we were all going to have lunch. Instead, we all played on the poker machines. Very depressing, I know. I played on them for a little while after my father gave me a bit of money. He ended up winning the Major Jackpot (which was around $1100.) I was really happy for him, and he even gave me an additional $50, although I refused to put this into a poker machine. He told me quietly to bring my mother over so that she could see what he had won, and to not tell her until she saw his winnings with her own eyes. He also won another $200 (from two Mini Bonuses), but he did not want me to share this with my mother, which I found to be understandable due to the following information I am about to share. My mother was also happy for my father, but she then started to demand money from him. This is common behaviour from my mother, particularly when she is playing on the poker machines.

After about an hour, I was hungry and wanted to eat some food for lunch. Dad too was getting hungry. But no, my mother wasn't hungry, of course, she just sat there, on her poker machine, and was entering fifty-dollar-note after fifty-dollar-note, hoping she'd win a few hundred. She does this constantly, I've noticed. It is a vicious cycle. She finds a machine, wins some free spins, and then becomes hooked. Her mission is to always get the Major Jackpot. And realistically, that isn't always going to happen.

Goldwing03
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Nib

It makes total sense that this situation was distressing. I think maybe it's a good idea to talk to your father about this? And get a wiser, more adult perspective to help you figure out how to confront your mother's addictions.

Sorry to hear about what happened 😞

nib
Community Member

Hi Goldwing03,

Unfortunately, my father is no better. He too has his own addictions (again, drinking and gambling). Today, for instance, he was losing money on the machines, and when he lost all of his money he went over to my mum and expected her to get off of her machine, as in to say "I have lost all of my money and I want to go home now." Instead, he dropped my mother off at our house and she was knocking on the door very loudly, like the way in which a police officer knocks on the door. Usually, whenever my mother knocks on the door like this, it means that she is very angry. She has always had trouble managing her emotions, which is probably why I am the same. I was in the bath washing my hair at the time, and of course I was expected to answer the door, obviously with a towel covering my body. I found that it was incredibly rude of my mother making me do this, especially because she knew via text message the I was going to wash my hair and do my skincare routine. Anyway, an argument must have ensued between my mother and father because my mother was pissed off, as my father was apparently the same earlier today. He stated that "we (my mother and I) were due to argue as today is a Saturday", and we always seem to argue on a Saturday. My parent's addictions have been around for about four years now, and the reason as to why they drink and gamble is because they seem to think that I am "old enough to do whatever I like," and that "I should have a boyfriend/get a job/ move out of home/ hanging out with my (non-existent) friends etc."

nib
Community Member

Hi Goldwing03,

In spite of his addictions, he is more level-headed than my mother. I do love my mother and I don't want to sound like I am bagging her, but she really needs support, which she refuses to seek.

nib
Community Member
UPDATE: I have since spoken with my psychotherapist and she has asked if I felt comfortable attending and Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (it's called Al-Anon). I feel anxious because I will be going by myself. The meeting that is closest to my house won't be held until next Wednesday.

alexdon2134
Community Member
hello everyone

I'm sorry to learn about your predicament. Your emotions are very understandable. I believe it would be beneficial for you to consult with a general practitioner or a psychologist who can advise you.

alexdon2134
Community Member
hello everyone

I'm sorry to learn about your predicament. Your emotions are very understandable. I believe it would be beneficial for you to consult with a general practitioner or a psychologist who can advise you.