Depressed and lonely man

[foreigner_in_AU]

Hi there,

I am a 35 yo guy who moved to Australia 10 years ago.

I feel I wasn't and I am not a fit for this country. I appreciate all that Australia has given me, but there is more in life than money and a safe country.

I just feel life in Australia is very boring, monotonous, everything is the same, people are always busy and the conversations are always superficial.

I don't feel motivated to do anything, people are always watching TV and busy.

Do you feel this way?

I do appreciate your comments, I want to know about your experiences, I think there is a lot of depression in Australia.

Thank you

[Sawyer]

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. There certainly is a growing a prevalence of depression in Australia, and individuals from different backgrounds are often at increased risk for these health outcomes.

Living in a different country can be extremely difficult, particularly when the dominant culture holds values that differ from our own, and entails a lifestyle that doesn't necessarily nourish us in the same way as how you were brought up.

If you don't mind my asking, what cultural background are you from? and what kind of support networks do you have in Australia? Often people feel cut off from their cultural identity when they have moved away from their family setting. It might be worthwhile seeking out community's with the same cultural background as you, this will provide you with something you can get involved with and also hopefully make you feel more like you belong. 

Sometimes reconnecting with our roots, rather than focussing on integrating into our current environment, can help. However without knowing more about why you feel you don't belong, what brought you to Australia, and your heritage, it is hard to give more specific advice. Hopefully by participating in the forums you can break up the monotony of daily life, connect with others and feel good in that you are involved and giving back to a community. I'm sure there are others on these forums that have been through, or are going through a similar situation.

Kind Regards, 

Sawyer

[Sawyer]

There are also resources available on this website specifically for people in your situation, who are not enjoying or not feeling connected to life in Australia. Just look at the resources tab and click on "multicultural people".

[foreigner_in_AU]

Hi Sawyer, thanks very much.

I came from Latin America, and Australia is so far as well.

I don't have family here, all my family is in South America.

And I am a gay man.

Thanks

T

[Sawyer]

Hi,

I feel I understand a little better why you may be feeling as you do. It is not uncommon for individuals with a latin american type background to feel like something is lacking in Australia. From my brief knowledge, there is a much greater emphasis in latin cultures on family and the collective. Whereas Australian is quite an individualist culture. Furthermore it must be difficult being away from you family, individuals cut off from their family networks, particularly those from collectivist cultures, can tend to feel very lost and unfulfilled.

You seem to have two real options to me. The first is to look at going back to South America, if this is what would make you happy. However I don't know a lot about your situation, you may be here for work, or it may not be possible for you to return.

The other, more likely, option is to try and reconnect with your culture here in Australia. There are many minority cultures scattered around the suburbs of Australian cities, that often maintain much of their heritage, because they like you, don't feel at home without it. This may require some research but there are definitely latin american communities around where I live, often in proximity to community centres and sporting clubs. I have played a number of latin soccer clubs in my time, that have teams made up entirely of people who's families have immigrated to Australia, and their whole community comes out to watch, support and enjoy a sense of connection with their cultural roots. But this is just one example.

I don't know how homosexuality is viewed in your culture, but here in Australia, recent polls suggest that as many as 72% of people are pro same-sex marriage and relationships. Not all Australians are, but with the recent passing of same-sex marriage laws in America there has really never been a more accepting time for individuals such as yourself. Perhaps try to socialise more with other gay men in Australia of all cultures, and reconnect with your cultural roots here. There are lots of people who like doing more than sitting around and watching TV if that isn't your idea of a good time. Socialise, get involved, make friends and develop a network that makes our country feel more like home to you. 

I hope this helps, and at the very least you will feel like an accepted part of the community we have here.

Regards,

Sawyer

[Mares73]

Dear friend you have shown strength & courage in reaching out to others here on Beyond Blue. Sawyer has given some excellent advice which I hope helps. As he says Australians can be individualistic & I agree we lack the same sense of family & community as other cultures. Yet on the other hand there are some great supports if you can find & reach out to them. The other major issue is depression itself which can lead to isolation, low self worth & a sense of hopelessness & loneliness. Depression is an illness & yes many people in this era are communicating in isolation thru computer network sites rather than meeting & engaging in person. I know for myself I've found it hard to reach out to others interested in what I'll call "talking about reality of our lives". People can appear shallow yet there are just as many who like yourself want to find a connection with others. For example I've been told many times that I'm so easy to connect with & I've always loved being around people yet my perception of myself is very low.I constantly have to question why I'm so critical of myself. It must be challenging facing cultural & sexuality barriers. Do you live in a major city? Could you try googling activities in your local area? I also understand your comments about people & superficial conversation. I often think when people say to each other "Hi how are you?"-they keep walking expecting you to say "yeah great thanks". What if we said "oh actually I'm having a bit of a hard time". Would others want to listen? It is a culture of keeping up appearances. Yet even so there are so many of us that feel this way. I know Beyond Blue isn't set up to coordinate group meetings & for many the anonymous nature is why people feel comfortable to reach out. Yet for many others it's a pity there isn't community type gatherings where people can support each other more personally. Please know that we will support you as much as possible here. I hope at least this provides a place where you can discuss your feelings & in turn receive compassion, understanding & suggestions. I hope you will reply. Thinking of you today. Lve Mares