Depressed and anxious

[guest139]

I'm new to this so I'm not too sure how it works..I'm here because I've hit an all time low and really don't know where to turn. my partner and I broke up 6 months ago and I feel lost, alone and depressed. I thought a 6 month grieving period would suffice but the anxiety and depression is getting worse. I finished up my fifo job a month ago so now I'm just sitting around and I guess I have too much time to think. I have no family here (I moved to Australia from Ireland 8 years ago) and I don't have children so there's no great support system in place. I've been to life coaching and counciling and have good friends but nothing helps and I don't know where to turn. I've never experienced this kind of heartbreak and I don't know how to deal with it. Most days I feel like I have no reason to keep going. 

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[Zan]

Gi'day Alex -- Venting is a great place to start ... and you've at least started - which is always the hardest part.

If you're interested and are seeking good company and an adrenaline rush, check out the local fire brigade or SES (State Emergency Service) who are always looking for new volunteers to be fully trained at no expense to you. Those employment companies (like Manpower and Drake) that provide skilled workers as temps is another good place to experience many different well paid short term work environments. They take down your skills (and what are called transferable skills) and slot you in to whatever company/business/employer requires those skill-sets as one of their permanent employees are on holiday. I found both companies great to work for .. and eventually gained permanent work through this outlet.

I keep telling everyone - even myself - that "Change is the only constant in the entire Universe" ..... and the thing is, sometimes that change is imposed upon us against our will, and sometimes we impose the change for our own benefit. The trick is being flexible and wise enough to cope either  way .... which I am sure you are. So initiate the best change for your present and future ... because we all change our future by changing our present.

Hope this helped. Take care ---- okay?

[guest139]

Hi Zan

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. It's somewhat comforting coming from a stranger.

I think the hardest part for me is the sense of loss which is so hard to get beyond. I can't accept that he's gone and I don't know how to get out of this place I'm in inside my head. Sometimes Im actually delusional and I'm convinced he'll come back, despite having made it clear that he doesn't love me.

Thank you for the job agency tips, I will certainly follow it up

Alex

[Zan]

Hi Alex ---

It's a hard space to be when a relationship ends. For many months I did the same thing as yourself ... believing (or deluding myself) that it hadn't really ended, even to the point of driving down familiar roads and highways to revisit "special" places where life together was so much better. I even imagined my partner sitting in the car, and could almost "feel" them there. The end of a relationship is almost like a death and therefore it takes a while for the "grieving process" to work its way out .... but eventually it does.

All the words under the sun coming from either friends, strangers, counselors or shrinks can sound both shallow, a generic and oft repeated spiel, or totally unabsorbable .... but give it time ... your brain never forgets anything (unless impacted with some form of trauma) and eventually you will recall a word or suggestion and you will go "Ah ... so that suggestion actually does work" ....  and you will find yourself on the road to recovery, strength and a renewed vigor in life. That is why I suggested the SES/fire brigade/employment companies ... because in that mean-time space it's best to be occupied, if only just to get off the bed and out of the house/flat/unit. That's not saying that grieving isn't a bad thing, and seeking that alone space isn't either --- it's just that we need both.

Hope you hear what I'm saying ... and understand where I'm coming from. Take care -- take time out -- don't think you're too much different from anyone else who has gone through the same experience -- and let us (anyone on this site that is) know how its all going for you ..... okay?

[citizen1911]

Hi Alex,

Sharing this online is a good place to start. I moved to Australia 10 years ago for my ex. We shared a life for 3 years and when we split it was one of the most painful things I remember. The worst part was I had to deal with most of this alone - like you I have no family here (and even my family overseas were pretty helpless and dysfunctional). It was one of the hardest heartaches I remembered at that point. I had a very stressful job then so never had the chance to grief - I remember I would hold myself together until the moment I enter the car leaving work I will cry all the way home and feel lousy the rest of the night. It took me about 2 years to really over come the grief, always hoping he will return.

There is no magic 'turnaround' - every little progress is slow and gradual until at one point you find yourself not caring if he returns or not, or even wonder what he is doing this weekend.

I hope it will not take you this long. But I share this so you understand that you are allowed to take as long as you need, don't let the time pressure get to you. If others recover better it may be because they have more support than you. Accept that your journey is harder but not impossible and at the end of it all you will hopefully bond better with the friends who may well be your family then. Also remember, no matter how many friends/ families you have around you, healing from a heart ache has always been and always will be the job of you and you only.

Take care and keep writing back and keep me informed of your progress, even if it is months later. I wish you peace and luck.