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Dealing with being alone
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Hello Kegstar
Welcome to Beyond Blue (BB) forums. People here are friendly, caring, supporting and respect individual privacy.
Loneliness is so hard. Especially after the break up of long term relationship. My thoughts are with you during this time.
There are just a few questions if I may - Do you have any interests? Or hobbies? Do you like to play sport or exercise? There are a number of opportunities out there - joining clubs, gyms, sports clubs, games (chess, darts, snooker), reading clubs. Go to your local library, they generally have a published guide on what is happening in your local community. If you are into using other media, such as computer and your phone - you could consider online dating. I've never done this myself, however, I know of some people who have. Like anything you need to be careful of how you use it though.
In addition to some of the practical things above - have you seen your doctor about your depression? Sometimes, when we have a life change, such as you have experienced, we need a little help. It's okay to reach out.
Kind regards
PamelaR
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Hey Kegstar,
Feeling for you mate. All I really want to say is you can get through it. It takes time, it hurts but as with anything it's really just time. I can't say I know exactly what you're feeling and that's only because I'm 38 and have NEVER been in a relationship. Not for a lack of trying, I think I'm pretty great most of the time haha and I'm absolutely sure you're great as well.
So there's this line of not knowing if it's harder having been in a relationship and lost it or having never been in one knowing that I've missed so much which makes it harder to relate to your situation. The loneliness can be crippling but I found peace in it when I decided it wasn't loneliness any more but Solitude. Solitude became the most beneficial state of mind I ever came across. My creativity came back, I went out more and started feeling good about the everyday motions that we must all go through. It can be better if you decide it to be. Force yourself to go out. I go to the movies on my own which really has become better since the premium theatres I treat myself to have single seats down the sides of the aisles. One word of advice is though if you go out to a restaurant by yourself - Yes, dress to the nines but if you're worried about people seeing you eating on your own, take a notepad and a pen with you and pretend to be a food critic! hahaha I saw that in a movie once and have actually done that a few times. Purely for my own entertainment because I think I'm funny AF!
In all honesty I'm going through those feelings again of the loneliness having recently spent so much time building a relationship with someone hoping to get closer to her only to have her ditch me because someone far more interesting (dare I say more attractive) came along. That's been my experience every single time for my entire life. But the more it happened the more resilience I built up and yes when it happens I know I can get myself back to a place of solitude far quicker.
My friends have always said that when you're not looking that special someone will come along. Sure, someone always came into my life but left again I'm starting to think that's because of my intensity of wanting to share myself with someone completely. But mate, you, you have something going for you that I don't. You've been in a relationship and know what it's like. When you meet someone again you'll go straight into auto-pilot and make all the right decisions. You can do it! Keep your chin up, dude.
Ben.
