Damaged

[KittyKc]

Hi..

This is my first post so I am not too sure what to say so here goes..

I have depression - ive been depressed and on medication since very young age, only just recently I've stopped taking my meds as it makes me feel completely yuck (tried multiple different anti-depressants through out the last 12 years) I know I need to go to the doctors and talk about new medication or something else.

I just feel like it's over for me, I have nothing to show for myself other than debt and no motivation in life... I am currently unemployed, I apply for atleast 5-10 jobs a day if possible but that's only when I can connect to WiFi as my phone has been cut off, lucky I can still receive incoming calls just in case an employer does contact me (which no luck yet)

Some people ask me what happened to me that had caused me to be so depressed.. but there is no answer because my childhood was great, no traumatic experiences, perfect caring parents and siblings, I always had friends and enjoyed being outside in the sun. by the age of 11 I was already noticing how I'm changing - how I'm over feeling/thinking some things, stopped being so bubbly and energetic. Once high school hit it was just a big whirlwind of negative thoughts and actions I only lasted 2 and half years in high school because I couldn't take the bullying, I stopped paying attention and just wagged every day possible.

Once I left school I worked at woolworths and stayed there for roughly 3 years, I gained new friends and had some sort of enjoyment in life but that didn't last long, I met this girl and thought I feel I love. long story short I was introduced to hard drugs and the world drugs have created, so what little life I did create for myself I only destroyed it myself again.

4 years that went on and the metal abuse I got was something evil, I feel evil sometimes knowing how my life has been. I left her and met this guy and at first my life was moving forward again, I was working and living out of home and just enjoying the little things, then one day I just felt sick like anxiety attack of the century and I went home sick from work to find out my boyfriend cheated on me with out housemate and she was pregnant with his baby...... I died - well it felt like I died. I didn't move for 3 weeks and lost about 20 kilos. But I was silly and went back to him 6 months later(will explain another time)Right now I'm extremely unhappy and lost, no job - no money - no friends just feels like I have no life

[kanga_brumby]

KittyKc Firstly welcome to BB forums thanks for being brave enough to wright. A lot of what you described is true depression, it has no rime or reason to it. It is the beast in a lot of us. It makes it harder to concentrate on what we should be. It literally saps the life out of you. Thats why even when you are at your worst downer. You need structure like, walking, meditation, gardening., music, coffee time with a few friends. All optional chose your own structure, it works better if you choose it. As for doing hard drugs well you did it you live with it not our fault. Plus I wont condemn you for doing it, for all of us have done things we are not proud of. Around here we forgive each other so we can move forward with our lives.

As for the ex. He doesn't deserve to be with you. Once a cheater...... Always a cheater.

We are here to support each other so again Welcome

Kanga

[SubduedBlues]

Welcome to BB KittyKc,

In my experience, depression isn't that something bad happened to us. It isn't that we don't feel valued by others. It's more that we don't see the value in ourselves. It's not that others don't make us happy. It's not that we don't make others happy. It's that we don't make ourselves happy. It's a hard row to hoe. IMHO recovery starts when we acknowledge something we did good for ourselves, to make us feel happy. Maybe it's a little thing, like making the bed (so we have a tidy bed to sleep later that day)... we need to count every win... they start small, and many small things make something bigger. Sort of like Lego's

On the topic of looking for work:
Mickey D's has free WiFi, as do many of the local coffee houses. So that should keep you online.

Looking for a job is a fulltime job. The mistake many people make is writing one version of their resume and then posting that very same resume to everyone for every job. What you ought to be doing, is writing a new version of your resume for every job you apply for. Where the content varies a little, what is important is that you highlight the skills and experience that are directly applicable to the job you are applying for.

And, don't forget the cover letter. The cover letter introduces you, and provides a place for you to lay claim about how well you are a fit for the job position advertised. It also provides you an opportunity to describe that extra bit about you, above and beyond they job description. It helps you sell you as the ideal candidate.

Keep posting, let us know how you are getting on.
SB

[BballJ]

Hi KittyKc,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Just to add onto kanga_brumby and SubduedBlues posts above, mental health doesn't need a reason sometimes to rear it's ugly head, it just appears and makes you question so much about yourself, it doesn't discriminate at all. Have you ever spoken to a psychologist about all these feelings, I understand you have been on medication but wasn't sure if you have ever tried to talk through your depression with a professional?

As for the job front, SubduedBlues is 100% spot on, tailoring your resume for each job application is 100% necessary and providing a cover letter, other things that have helped me in the past when I was looking for a job, I actually call the place that was hiring and asked to speak to the person in charge or hiring, generally the HR department depending on the company you are calling, if it is retail, then the store manager, introduce yourself and ask if the positive is still available, this I find helps because when they get your resume and see your name they automatically have a connection to it as they know who you are, in the off chance you can email it directly to that person is even better. That's just a little tip that has helped me before.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hello Kitty, I wish there was a simple explanation on why people have to get depression and why it causes so much pain and inflicts so much damage onto us, sometimes there is a reason to explain why we become sad which can then lead onto this infectious disease/illness.
Being bullied at school could be the beginning of your downfall, and believing that you do love someone only to be hooked onto drugs is a trap that you may have been drawn into, but this can happen because you were unaware of the dangers and addiction that would only create another huge problem for you, and once you depend on them you are taken away into another world.
It is sad when you try and get back your life, which was a very courageous effort only to be disappointed by your b/friend who had the gall to be cheating behind your back, and to eventually have him back is something which was not a good idea, but there must be reasons why this happened, which I hope you can tell us in your next post because at the moment life is pretty tough for you, so please do contact us again. Geoff.