Crying, a gauge to our mental strength?

[white knight]

Reaching 60yo l can reflect on my early life and it is clear that my thousands of buckets l could have filled with my tears is in contrast to the period of post 2009. Why?.

Diagnosed in 2009 with bipolar 2,depression, dysthymia and dwindling anxiety meant the correct medication was prescribed. From then on it was more a case of fine tuning dosages.

Last week l had the trauma of my youngest daughter leaving my life. She's 24yo and l have been tormented by this development BUT, I havent shead a tear. I feel it is a reflection of my newfound mental strength. Yes she has come and gone in my life but that fact doesnt mean it comes easy to cope with.

What else could it be?. After much analysis l think acceptance of what life really is has helped.

Life is not what we plan it to be nor wished. As kids we drew rainbows but not rocks. Life will throw stones, rocks, even boulders- without warning. Is our lack of being able to cope due to us expecting a smooth road in life? Or do we know life has hurdles but when they arrive its so devastating we have no learned skills to cope with them?

At school we had no lessons in "coping with trauma" or "breaking up with your partner, how to do it with compassion and care" or "depression signs" etc.. even financial planning isnt taught. All these life challenges are learned the hard way.

Some people can approach such challenges easier than others. So if you are sensitive, had a cruel upbringing, family history of mental illness and so on, you might let your tears become streams. Is it an indicator of your mental strength-lack of it?

I suggest it could be. There is no worse feeling imo. That feeling of devastation, worthlessness, failure and mental collapse- crying. However I've known some people equally the same but not crying, with filming over their eyes as if deeply sad without tears so I'm not saying it is the case every time.

If you have had a period of lots of crying, to work closely with your professional mental health expert with medication and therapy. Hopefully you'll improve and your stream of tears will dry up. Mine did so there is hope that your mental strength will return or develop even late in life.

Accepting life has boulders will prepare yourself for them. Sh*t happens and its out if your control but you can develop strategies to cope better and a mentality that will look at life for what it is and always had been, unpredicable, hurtful but can be wonderful, incredible and more stable

Tony WK

[gld]

TEARS! purge the bad, rejoice the happiness, empathise to be supportive, so keep up the crying for growth.

[white knight]

Lee, dont worry if you go off topic. Its relaxing here to just let your mind flow.

"Different types of cries". .. this is why this forum is soooo successful. Along comes a post that resonates with a few simple words.

Emotionally immature in my early years l had to hide as a 17,18,19yo airman to shead tears. From 21-24yo it was harder working in the notorious Pentridge jail. Fellow officers joined my tears for weakness, so wrong. I was as hardened as them against the confrontations but at times the stories of the horrendous crimes was too sad to not "feel" for the victims.

But l want to share something with you. Shell touched on it earlier. When l would cry at the "drop of a hat" l had a deep respect and feel for the reality of life, its bare bones stuff. Hard to describe but as we go to work, drive in traffic, be parents and live our lives we are disconnected with other basics of life. Some dont think about our passed loved ones or where we are in the universe, or that parrot we nursed to good health that was found. Well most people dont...but we do- why?

I'd say we do overload our minds with sad events because we are mentally unwell. Our minds are programmed short or long term in a state that is pointed towards such events of high emotion.

It would be the reason friends havent got the patience for our chosen topics of conversation. For they are on a "living for now" mind of daily routines and we are on that emotional Roller coaster.

It makes sense to me because l can only write sad poetry when I'm depressed.

Tony WK

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Yes , yes , yes

I did reply to a post today saying much the same, but the Internet was against me & it floats in cyber air.

I commented on how I have heard people with bipolar say they would not change it, cos the pros outweigh the cons. (I don't have bipolar, ONLY depression with occasional anxiety). That got me thinking that, though I would wish my depressive episodes didn't last as long..up to 10 yrs, sigh....I am thankful for the emotional insight it gives me. I see others who go thru life unthinking, almost seemingly unfeeling, and I have gratitude that I do 'feel' deeply and so hopefully can then appreciate and learn more from life ups & downs.

You have said it so much more eloquently. No doubt that your poetry is great.

There IS a benefit to everything we experience.

Lee!

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Tony, isn't it amazing how things can resonate between us when we do let the mind flow. It is a great topic, my thoughts were encompassing all of the last few posts from when I 1st googled.

It is so wonderful to connect with so many like-minded people on here. I share my life with my son & his dad who are both 'healthy'. I'd often thought it was a male thing or just that I was too deep. It is heartening to know that other men can 'feel' too.

Lee

[Croix]

Dear Tony~

Thank you for this thread. I never really understood crying, still don't I suppose. I was brought up in post-war Britain in an atmosphere where males did not cry - full stop. I learned my lesson well from early age. Neither physical injury (ok to acknowledge) nor emotional hurt (most definitely not ok to acknowledge) brought forth tears. I thought I would never cry - ever.

And that was that.

I remember some 30 years ago whilst in PTSD crisis a strange crushing hurt in my chest, gasping heaving breath, I cried with racking sobs. I did not know why then, I still don't. It hurt, it was frightening, it was alien, it was beyond my control. It kept happening. Then these sessions became less frequent and stopped.

Now, some 30 years later, whilst inside this Forum, the little world of text, tragedy, heroism and humanity I've started crying again. Not often, but sometimes. A gentle welling up of tears with tightened throat, obscuring my reading or typing. It can be because of memories of hurt that posts have evoked, sometimes it is the plight or kindnesses of others here.

I've no real idea why, I've no real idea how I'm changing, though I know I am. I do know it is not a threat.

Croix

[white knight]

Thankyou all. Great insight. Croix, my father had the same non crying upbringing/environment. I missed it by 10 years or more. The following is relevant to that.

Lee, it is rare men talk about these things. I'm determined to break that mould.

We have a poetry site here that some of my poems are printed. I have around 250 now. But as a prime example of the highs and the lows of bipolar moods and my depressive emotions, the following poems show the contrast. I have written only two poems in the last 12 months due to my stability and less emotional times.

The first poem is in grief following my fathers passing but is no different to other poems when in sadness and crying. The second poems is in happiness.

TO KISS HIS TEMPLE

There were some things I knew as taboo

to express my love but to question who?

to touch the pale face of my dad back then

when touching taboo...when "men were men"

For boys were male and "you cant do that"

jealous of my sister and that is that

that man couldnt hug his son for how he was seen

nowadays if you hugged your son- well, you'd be relieved.

And so my dad the salt of the land

wouldnt touch me even by hand

he knew he loved me and I him

with a wink of an eye from under his brim

Then that day we all regret came along

where watery eyes was met by song

and there he lie with an eerie smile

I be alone with him for just a while.

As I stroked his forehead cool to touch

I raised my head automatically as such

to kiss his temple of which I dare

I knew his mind was well aware.

Of all the kisses I missed

they gathered together in just one kiss

finally as his spirit rose and went

he left his love and hugs were spent

I never craved again heart be blessed

that tradition of males their love expressed

a kiss on his forehead way back then

ended an era when "men were men"....

Tony WK

THE BLACK WIDOW

The male black widow spider tried all his life

He tried to tickle the hairy legs of his larger black widow wife

Then one day success, one to glout

She began to laugh aloud, as his leg slid down her throat

Poor male black widow was always going to get into strife

All because he couldn't understand, the nature of his hairy wife....

Tony WK

[Croix]

Thank you Tony

-C

[blondguy]

Hi Tony

Before my first 'Mega' anxiety attack I had in 1983, I was teary at even the slightest sad/emotional event...even after watching "Somewhere In Time' with Christopher Reeve & Jane Seymour in 1980.

I never saw the writing on the wall that I was 'over sensitized' before my nervous system introduced me to my first terrifying panic attack when I was in traffic.

I hope you dont mind me quoting a piece of your thread topic Tony

TonyWK Said: "If you have had a period of lots of crying, to work closely with your
professional mental health expert with medication and therapy. Hopefully
you'll improve and your stream of tears will dry up"

I didnt know what anxiety/panic was in 1983....

I dont like 'What If's' but I wish I knew to see a GP back then...A Motorola carphone unit cost $4700-00 and was mounted in the boot with the phone in a cradle near the gearshift attached to a cord....Even with Technology moving ahead in 1983 the words 'mental health' didn't exist.....It was a woeful period where mental health was concerned...and ignored.....for shame

I hope this has helped Tony

trying to pick up the pieces here

My Best

Paul

[Just Sara]

Hi Tony and all;

What a great topic! Crying, or lack of it, comes with mental health territory. We don't normally talk about it on here so this thread is a fantastic opportunity to share.

Lee...I've taken a screen shot of your Crying Info; great reference material! Thanks heaps!

I've cried buckets since my son was born 26 yrs ago. The most memorable was after disclosing childhood sexual abuse to my sister at 35.

The emotion came out of nowhere. Not only did I sob, I was convulsing uncontrollably. It was completely organic and without choice. My face was contorted and my nose was dripping into my mouth which was really embarrassing. My sister gave me tissues then gazed at me with raised eyebrows without murmuring a word until it was over.

We release tears for many reasons undoubtedly as individual as we all are; that day I rid myself of a secret (and feared consequences of saying 'it' out loud) I'd hidden since 11 yrs old. After my sister left, she went straight to my mums and told her. She then told her husband; he told the 'offending' (family) perpetrator, who came to my home without warning. I had some type of abdominal attack and was admitted into hospital where nobody came to see me. My mum and sister didn't speak to me for 18 months.

I do regret telling 'her' my secret, but I don't regret those uncontrollable tears. That absolute relief was worth all the grief that followed. It changed my world insurmountably, especially learning that the power of shedding grief and pent up emotion can set me free.

That was 22 yrs ago; I've had some really potent crying episodes since, though none quite like that. Every now and then, I get 'that' feeling; it tells me there's more to come so I give myself permission to let it out, even though I might not know why until it's over.

Whew...that was hard.

Sara

[Snowbear]

Hi All,

Great insight Tony. I have wondered similar myself. I don't cry very much, only when I feel acceptance in my struggle but I will save my story for another time. Devastation is a hard pill to swallow but I do it anyway and eventually the pain catches up with me. Before last year my husband seen me cry twice in 9 years. In the last 10 months we've lost count. Denial has been my strength and I am working on this, I am 10 months in. While psychically exhausted I feel emotional relief through crying it doesn't happen daily or weekly but when it does happen its like flood gates have been opened and I feel I have allowed myself to really feel and accept it, if that makes sense?