Hi abby754. My name is Lynda. I too suffer depression and - yes, there's times when I'm on top of the world, other times for no apparent reason I could burst into tears. I think the thing to try to focus on is the fact that when you feel good, what makes you feel good? Is it something in particular or just a happy sensation. Perhaps when you're feeling low, write down the feelings you have and possibly, if you can, what has caused the down feeling. With me a lot of it is when I start remembering things from my dysfunctional childhood. You say you feel, hopeless, pathetic, worthless, were you told this as a child, that this is what you were? These words constantly drummed into you by ignorant parents absolutely destroy children. People tell you, forget about what happened as a child, but it's easy for others to say, harder when words are 'there' constantly. Do you have a family, children, hubby etc. How do they 'see' you? To get past these negative, soul destroying feelings, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Whether it be that you read, you're a good gardener, like movies, music, dancing. Other things in your life that you enjoy, you don't have to be the best at anything, as long as you get pleasure out of what you do. Start to look at what you enjoy and work on that side of things. The down side, when it comes, might stay for a while, but if you can concentrate on things you enjoy, that might help lift your spirits. Are you seeing a Dr or psychologist, are you on medication, if you are, tell your Dr about the swings in mood. You could be experiencing mood swings from meds or perhaps menopause. I would look seriously at seeing a Dr and discussing this with them too.
By the way, none of us feel 100% on top 24/7. We all have days when staying in bed is a better alternate than facing the world. You're not alone there.
