Compulsive liar, help!

[Sarah929]

Hi all!

I'm new here but my problems aren't new. I'm a compulsive liar.

i remember telling little lies when I was younger, like, if something wasn't done or forgotten my mum would say "we will just tell your dad this.." that seemed to be the easy way out for everything.

As I got older, my lying increased, more so when my parents split and my dad drank a lot and my mum cut me off to spend time with her "friend and his kids" and only wanted to spend time with me when it was convenient. I gradually worked out how to lie to my parents to get what I wanted, whether it was to get out of going to school or to play them against each other. I knew it was wrong but I wasn't getting caught so it was easy.

Then my dad found someone he wanted to spend his life with, he became a different person, but I stayed the same. I continued to lie until one day his now wife picked up on it, my dad said "she wouldn't lie" but I was. Always lying about something so that I didn't have to deal with the consequences. The thing that no one tells you is you have to remember every little lie you tell or it's going to come back and bite you on the bum and all that "perfectness" will turn to crap and stopping isn't just as easy as saying "hey I just won't lie anymore" you cannot stop yourself, the words just come out of your mouth and that's it. Another hole you've dug.

Fast forward to today, where my lies have dug me into such a deep hole I cannot get back out, I'm anxious, I can't sleep, I'm depresssed, I've lost pretty much everyone that cares about me because of the lies. Today I decided that I'm tired, I'm tired of letting everyone down. I'm tired of feeling this way. I called someone for some help. I have to fix this before my daughter picks up on it and thinks it's okay to live your life this way. It's not. Anyone who's reading this and thinking that a few little lies are okay, it's not, those little lies turn into bigger lies by the second. Then eventually your lying becomes so out of hand that even when youre telling the truth no one believes you.

Sorry for the ramble I just needed to get it off my chest. I just feel so alone because of all the lies that I'm left with no one.

thanks for reading

[Tania_G]

Hi,

First time poster here but life long liar. It is very hard to break the pattern of lying. I have had years of councilling and therapy. At first it was a thrill to lie at little things, but when I got away with it, it then made me want to do bigger and bigger lies. Even when someone catches me out lying, I just get angry and just deny it even more.

[Jezza251]

Hi Sarah

I find myself at the same place you were when you posted, I started lying because telling the truth when I was younger didn't fit the narrative of my family. Fast forward it to now, and it is thing that will tear my beautiful family apart. Thanks for your post, it made me post as well. I guess we all need to start our recovery somewhere. It's not easy but I have to keep focused on being a better person, a former counselor once told me to have a mantra, telling the truth is easier. I need to get back to that

[quirkywords]

Tania G,
welcome to the forum.

Thanks for sharing your story with honesty.

It is interesting reading this thread and how lying affects so many people and easy it is to start and how hard it is to stop.

Quirky

[TP84]

Hi. I have the same problem - I lie and lie.
It has torn my marriage apart - I have a gorgeous wife and two beautiful kids but I fear I have ruined it all.

My lying has been going on for a long time. My wife has pointed it out again and again. But I haven’t been able to stop. I lie by omission - not telling her about things like my day and work - and also actively lie.

Last night might have been the last straw. I lied about seeing someone from uni (more than 10 years ago) - I didn’t tell her I saw her at work 8 weeks ago. I told her that I saw her today for the first time. When she asked and offered me the chance to tell the truth I still lied.

What do I do? She is wants to separate but I don’t want to be like this or in this position. I want to have my family happy and whole (knowing that I have caused all the problems). How can I try and make things right?

[quirkywords]

TP84

Welcome to the forum and this thread.

Lying can be very addictive and hard to stop

You have awareness of your lying and that is a good start.

This is an old thread so if you want you could start your own thread so more people could see your post..

I think the first step is to recognise your problem and second then try to work out why you lie and then try to change your behaviour.

[zblake]

Hi all,

love to see everyone being open up, I myself am a Compulsive pathological liar.

Growing up in a strict family where you had been placed as the "golden child" had taken my lies to another level. It started off as white littles lies such as "yeah i placed first in all my subjects" so that my status as the "golden child" wouldn't been taken off me. As years went on my lies had become bigger and worse. I have countless times lied to my family about what i do career wise or how much money i have , to then lying to my fiance from aa little as saying i did flush the toilet when i didnt, to then lying about big things like our finances, saying im at one place when im not. it has come to a point where i dont even think twce about what i say, it just blobs out like its nothing which is sad and frustrating because i want to say truth but dothe exact opposite. i have lost so much opportunities and almost reslationships.

i want to stop this disorder before it ruins not just my relationships with my family, friends and my fiance but my life all togehter.

Just reading what everyone had been putting up had encouraged me to take a step, just want to where everyone has been seeking help and what to do next. Because im lost

[quirkywords]

Z lake.
welcome to this thread and the forum,

you have recognised you have a problem and want to know what to do. That is a start..

you may have noticed this is an old thread, you may get more support if you start your own thread..

Would you consider contacting the support line. 1300 22 4636

[quirkywords]

Zblake

Welcome to this thread and the forum.

You have acknowledged you have a problem and want help,

This is an old thread so you may get more help if you start your own thread.

You may want to contact the Beyond blue support line 1300 22 4636. They have trained people who will listen to you and offer

[Kroeb]

I read the posts here and find myself relating to so much myself. Im am not a young person anymore and yet I look back over the years and see that I have had a problem for many years with lying. It has now got the point that I have devastated a woman I professed to love and possibly destroyed my marriage. I have come clean with the elaborate lies I told and I am wondering if that was right as I am seeing the pain I have caused in those around me - and it breaks my heart. It was never my intention to hurt anyone, and yet the lies are exactly what has hurt all around me. I had an affair with a co-worker for 10 months in 2020 and lied about every aspect of my life with this woman. I made up stories about non-existent children I had and a sister that did not exist, I made up lies and stories about my life that was mixed up with truth, just the time-line may have changed to suit the lie. I lied about my age for no bloody reason at all. I fell in love with this woman, and she fell in love with me - yet she was in love with the man in the lies and not with me. Eventually, the entire habitual lies were driving me insane so I came clean - with my wife and children, my friends, and the woman i fell in love with. I have now admitted I have a very real and serious problem and I am starting to see a therapist as well as currently on some drugs to make me think a little clearer and sleep better (at present I cannot eat or sleep very well). This has all come to a head over the past week so pretty shit timing. I know I need to fix myself and help fix this for all around me...and yet I still think that maybe not coming clean would have been a better decision. I now have a wife that can't look at me, children that are conflicted, a woman who I have destroyed and who does not know what is real and what is a lie, and when I return back to work I will have to let fellow co-workers that I have lied about so much over the past 10 years. They all deserve to know the truth. I need to break this habit of lying, of making up fanciful stories about my life that never happened....if I don't I am going to a dark place that I do not want to visit. I have hit the bottom of this pathological lying hole and it is time to crawl out. I just find it hard knowing that the lady I have hurt the most is in real pain and I can't really do anything for her at the moment. It is killing me the most about all this. I am not a bad person - just broken. I am starting to get the help I need to fix this

[quirkywords]

Kroeb,

Welcome to this supportive forum and thanks for sharing your story with honesty and insight.

I am glad you are getting help and hope you find that working at your problem will help things to improve.
As you may have noticed this is an old thread so you may want to cut and paste your post and start your own thread.

Thanks again for reaching out and showing others howl every can start to change.